Small steps lead to big ones

[Kirsten]

That’s great news Julie!! I hope it all goes well for you. ?

[SugarMagnolia]

So, this was by far the best consultation I've had. This is the third consult I've done and I was so impressed with the amount of time and detail we were able to go into. I think I've found my surgeon if I decide for sure to pursue this, however the expense is another story!

I'm going to need to think long and hard about the $, the likelihood of issues such as nerve damange, etc., the opportunity cost, and the overall time and energy commitment to do this right. Luckily I've not got any specific schedule in mind, so I can take my time and ponder this as needed.

Thanks for all the well wishes, everyone!

[Jani]

I'm glad to hear it went well and you have something concrete to consider.  I understand the expense is high but at what cost happiness?   Not to mention faith and trust in the surgeon you select.  It really is a one shot deal where you want it done right and don't want to risk a rework situation.  

 

Jani 

[SugarMagnolia]

I agree with you completely about the cost if I decide to go for it, Jani.  Not an area where you you want to compromise.

My real issue now is trying to judge the degree to which FFS will contribute to increased happiness and if that's worth the cost and the risks. I'm pretty sure I know what I want to do, but I need to be certain.

Julie

[Jani]

The people I personally know that have had FFS (i've known them before and after), had subtle changes that did not change their overall look.  That is, they now look like feminine versions of their prior self.   Both had brow, nose and chin work.    

 

I also have an acquaintance that had surgery a number of years ago before I met them.  Looking at old photos, I didn't recognize them.  I don't believe this is a common outcome.

 

What you want to achieve needs to be clearly defined and the doctor needs to agree, that is the work is within his portfolio of things he does.  Some doctors are know for being subtle and others aggressive.   I wish you all the best in making this decision as it is personal and no one can tell you how it will affect you long term.  Seeing softer features when you look in the mirror is certainly a big part of feeling good. 

 

Jani  

[SugarMagnolia]

Quick update:
I've felt conflicted for a little while now as I'm not out at work, but am pretty much full time everywhere else. Part of the issue is that I hadn't come out on Facebook and so most of the people I've met in the last year (a lot!) know me as Julie, but were seeing a different me on social media and that started to feel wrong.

So, last night I came out to all of my friends on Facebook and changed my FB name, gender and profile pics. As I expected, it's gone great: nothing but positive comments and support from family and friends, and it feels good this morning to know that there's one less place where I need to pretend. ❤️

Work is next. Probably in the next few weeks, maybe sooner. I'd thought that I might wait to have FFS before doing that, but at this point I don't want to wait that long. I'm looking forward to being truly full time soon. Of course, I'll need to do some work wardrobe shopping which is makes me a bit anxious, but that's all part of the journey. 

Julie

[Kirsten]

Wonderful news Julie! Almost there now!! 

[Jani]

4 hours ago, SugarMagnolia said:

So, last night I came out to all of my friends on Facebook

This is a good move for you since you're out in public.  Obviously its been bothering you for a while.   With this move coming out at work will be accelerated if for no other reason than the forward momentum you've attained!   Now get out and shop!!

 

Best of luck! 

Jani

[SugarMagnolia]

This weekend was...interesting...on a few levels. If you've read some of my other posts you'll know that I came out and socially transitioned at work last week. It went very well, but on Friday night I kind of crashed and all weekend long I was out of sorts.

I think I had put up all my defenses during the week, preparing to handle the worst, and I didn't realize until Friday night how much stress I'd been under. That's perfectly natural and in hindsight I probably should have expected it, but it left me with something like a stress "hangover". I was just irritable and exhausted. 

Unfortunately, it was the wrong weekend for that sort of a hangover because my wife and I had decided earlier this week to accelerate putting our house on the market, so there were just a ton of things to do including a small construction project that was really finicky. It was the worst possible thing to have to work on, but I persevered and made good progress.

What surprised me was that on Saturday morning on the way to Home Depot I suddenly was terribly sad. I was crying and almost had to pull over. There was no one thing that caused it, just a bunch of stuff all mixed up together, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. I could have easily gone to a pretty dark place, in fact I was headed there --  thinking about a life of snarky looks and never quite fitting in: "what have I got myself into!". However, I somehow was able to take a small step back and remember that wasn't true.

I have been telling people for some time how much happier I am now that I'm transitioning -- and it's true. So, I forced myself to think hard about what's been making me happy. And it's the people that I've surrounded myself with  that love me, encourage me and want to be around me because they genuinely enjoy my company. I thought hard about specific people and how I feel when I'm with them, and a strange thing happened: I smiled and I felt better...quite a LOT better.

I still wasn't perfect, but I was no longer in that dark place. And it made me want to make sure I said thank you to everyone on here that shares a story, asks a question or interacts with me in posts. This place was one of the things that I thought about because there are so many people here that make me feel good about myself...that make me feel good about all of us and who we are. 

So, thank you to everyone here. Whether you know it or not you helped me get through a tough time and I will do what I can to keep returning that favor!

Hugs,
Julie

[Robin]

Hi Julie,

 

I would like to thank you too.  You provide support and inspiration to me, as do the many other people on this forum.

 

I am glad that you are feeling a bit less stressed now.  Hopefully, you will be able to get back to "normality" soon, when you get everything settled.

 

Robin.

[SugarMagnolia]

Thanks @Robin! I'm glad to hear it. ?

That's the beautiful thing about this community: the act of sharing helps all of us whether we're personally sharing a struggle, a success, or sharing in someone else's. 

I'm especially excited about the forums right now because we've had a lovely influx of new folks including a bunch of great, active trans men and Enbys. It makes me really happy to know that this is a place where people of all ages, backgrounds and experiences can come together and feel welcome. 

Happy Monday everyone!

Julie

[Susan]

I could not agree with you more sugar! I love this site to and it has given me a lot of advice when I needed it! Thanks all. Susan

[Jani]

10 hours ago, SugarMagnolia said:

I have been telling people for some time how much happier I am now that I'm transitioning -- and it's true. So, I forced myself to think hard about what's been making me happy.

The sadness we leave behind is often replaced with other sadness.  But I feel that this different sadness is more easily managed since we are in a better place emotionally.  It seems like you are going through the normal process and are doing well.  I hope you get your house listed soon and it sells quickly at a price you want. 

 

Jani

[SugarMagnolia]

Thanks Jani and Susan!

Yes, I think the sadness I had over the weekend was more a healthy release of pent up emotions from the week. I'm trying to remember that I experience emotion a little differently now and that it's OK to have whatever feelings I happen to be having. After so many years of keeping things in check it's quite liberating, but it's a bit like driving a high performance race car for the first time - there's a thin line between the ragged edge of control and spinning off the track. 

[SugarMagnolia]

I just wanted to post some photos of my Stonewall Dem club board taken after the meeting. I'm not normally thrilled to see photos of myself, but in these two I think I look as happy and relaxed as I actually felt. These meetings are like therapy for me because even though they're political in nature they're also about LGBTQ folks supporting one another and I feel it viscerally every single time.  

I wanted to share these because a year ago it would have been impossible for me to imagine that I would be out pretty much everywhere and that I would have found so many supportive people and such good friends in so short a time. So, this is a little bit of a prompt to take that next step, whatever it is for you. You may be anxious about it, fearful even, but remember that there are so many good things that can come your way when you allow yourself to simply be who you are. 

Smile and just do you! 

Hugs, 
Julie

[Jani]

Very Nice Julie.  You look happy.  Congratulations on this milestone!

Jani

[Charlize]

That looks like a great group and your smile says so much.  My journey certainly wasn't easy at first but like you i was fortunate to find supportive places and my smile grew.  Enjoy!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Kirsten]

What a beautiful sentiment. Words to live by for sure! 

[SugarMagnolia]

I've been so busy lately that I haven't been able to post much and just wanted to give a quick update...

My wife and I have spent the last month getting our home ready to list for sale and I guess we did a good job because we got multiple offers and have accepted one for above the asking price that also lets us live there rent free for 2 months after closing. We both feel like the hard work was worth it! The next step is selling our side business which is a laundromat and then we move downtown within walking distance of my work. I'm so looking forward to a one minute commute. ?

I've also been doing a lot politically with canvassing, phone banking and attending some of the trans rallies lately. I'll be glad when our midterm elections in the US are over particularly if my candidates do well. It's exhausting and I have so much respect for the good people that run for office. It's a huge sacrifice and so important if we want good people in office.

On a more personal note, I spent last Sunday in San Francisco with family. My sister and her family from Maine were visiting my brother and his family, so I drove down to hang out with everyone for a while. This was the first time for all of them to meet me as Julie and they were wonderful. I couldn't have felt more comfortable, loved and supported. It was a complete non-issue.

But the BEST part of the entire visit was something that my 8 year old niece said. We were all hanging out in the living room and she was talking to another little kid and called me "Auntie Julie". It was completely natural to her. Both my sister and I heard it and we caught each other's eye and shared a big smile. Even just thinking about it now brings tears of happiness to my  eyes. Acceptance is one of the greatest feelings in the world. ❤️

I hope everyone is having a wonderful Halloween. Stay strong, take care of yourselves and reach out if you're struggling!

Hugs,
Julie

[jae bear]

10 minutes ago, SugarMagnolia said:

But the BEST part of the entire visit was something that my 8 year old niece said. We were all hanging out in the living room and she was talking to another little kid and called me "Auntie Julie". It was completely natural to her. Both my sister and I heard it and we caught each other's eye and shared a big smile.

 

 Kids are the best aren’t they? I was hanging out with my friends at their house and their two kids only know me as Jackie, they’re always excited to see me come over, honestly they’re a couple of the most interesting kids I know. They’re both nerdy in ways that speak to me directly so we really bond well when I engage them in the things that they find interesting. They both know I need a hug as soon as I get there, and their pronouns are perfect, they don’t even have to try. ?

 Hugs, 

Jackie

[SugarMagnolia]

Yep, kids have a LOT to teach us! Especially nerdy ones ?

 

[Kirsten]

That’s awesome Julie. You are a part of why I started to do my little piece as well. 

As far as the Auntie business, it’s one of my favorite parts so far! I have a lot of “nieces” and “nephews” that all call me aunty Kirsten now. I absolutely love it. 

Kids are our future. It is why we blaze the paths we do. It’s why we fight and educate. Good luck with the house. 

Talk to you soon 

Kirsten 

[SugarMagnolia]

Thanks, Aunty Kirsten! We all inspire one another and I love that.

I was actually super excited to find out that my mom had started volunteering for a couple of candidates in her area. She's inspired me so much in my life and returning the favor made me very proud.

 

[Jani]

Great news on the house front!  And you get to stay there while looking for the new place.  Awesome.  

 

I also cannot wait for the political season to wind down next week.  I'm hoping for big wins!  ?

 

Jani

 

 

[Kylie]

Julie,

 

Reading through your multiple updates it definitely hits me with emotions that I can progress with my transition too, and be successful and accepted. My family having such a difficult time with it and not speaking to me for only these past few months had me initially thinking that I couldn't do it, that I should quit. Then after talking with my gender therapist and some of my close friends, I decided why am I going to forego my happiness because they are not accepting? So...I decided to move forward.

 

Now, my work knows, friends know..I haven't made my transition yet - I have only been in public twice, because I stress so hard about my dysphoria and appearance. I know in due time I will be able to walk out and be myself, but I wish that day would come and go and all of this would merely be something I can look back on. But, as I have read from previous postings from so many of you ladies, it takes time and I don't need to rush it.

 

I am so happy for you!

 

Kylie