Need people's opinion and some guidance.

[Riley]

Hey all I'm new here but need some help, I'm currently supposed to be a male, but I have this massive feeling for as long as I can remember that I've wanted to be female I'm currently 26 and I'm worried that if I go toy doctor they will laugh at me, also if I did go through with things if I would even be able to pass as a women, I'm currently in a relationship and don't get me wrong I love my gf, but I'm scared what she will say if I want to go through with all this I'm so depressed and have been for years over this topic. 

I find my self going over in my head with every little detail my main worrie is other people and not looking women enough any help would be great thanks all

[Jani]

Hi Riley and welcome.  What you are feeling is not uncommon at all in our community.   I see you are in the UK so you have the NHS to work through.  You can connect with them to get an appointment at the GIC with a counselor but from my understanding it may take some time.  Be patient.  Others have gone the personal route outside the system, if you can afford it.  Hopefully someone from the UK will join in the conversation soon and offer a little more detailed info.   Either way a counselor or therapist would be of great value to help you sort things out.  They won't laugh at you.  You are young and have a long way to go in life so don't be concerned about passing and what others say.  We transition for ourselves.  

As to your GF, she may or may not be understanding.  You cannot control this and while I'm sure she is important to you realize that some things don't last forever.  But you are young and have a lifetime to meet people and develop friendships.  Broken relationships are not uncommon.  But enough of that talk...  

I'm sure you've read a number of posts here and if not, look around as there is a lot of good information and friendly people to help you along.  Please join in the conversation when you can.   

Jani

[MarcieMarie12]

Welcome to Luara's Riley. As Jani said, you might want to look into seeing a gender therapist. I do hear that is long process in the UK unless done privately, some of our UK posters can shed some light on that. I took small steps to see if it was right for me, and some of the best advice I got was to gauge how I feel about it and not focus on what others reactions would be.

 

Feel free to post an introduction in the introductions forum so people can get to know you!

[Briana]

Hi Riley and welcome to Laura's.  Our sisters above gave provided some good info for sure and there are many members from the UK that can really provide you with some insight.  There's a lot of help and support out there to be had.

I do want to point out that I think Jani made an excellent point regarding your GF.  Part of a good relationship is having open honest communication.  If you go to a counselor, they'll certainly be able to help you with how to approach that conversation and how to better handle various responses you may get from her.  She may be understanding and prepared to give it a go with you; she may also be understanding but not able to or want to deal with it; and be prepared for her not understanding at all and the reaction to follow.

Regardless, the most important person in the world is you.  If you are in turmoil and not well, you can't be there for anyone else...including yourself.  I personally believe that you owe it to yourself to get help and figure out what's going on and not worry about what others think.  Easier said than done I know...boy do I know.  You also owe it her to get things sorted out before you go any further.  I personally believe that she'll appreciate that more than you know.

Try this...  Read through these posts here and other sites.  You'll see a recurring theme from many along the lines of having these feelings at a young age of something not right when it comes to assigned gender, but not getting help, moving forward with a relationship, and then some years later...surprise!  It's still there; those feelings are still there.  And now you've got a spouse/partner, maybe kids, you're mid-career, but you feel that your life if a mess...something is not right.  It will be even harder to deal with at that point and wayyyy more complicated.  Plus, the odds of your spouse/partner having any level of acceptance is very low. 

Condensed version:  It's good that you've recognized those feelings and that you're beginning to search for help.  Take care of them - deal with them appropriately now, not later.  Learn to love and accept  yourself regardless of what others think.  You'll be happier and better off.  So will others around you.

[Jani]

1 hour ago, Briana said:

Condensed version:  It's good that you've recognized those feelings and that you're beginning to search for help.  Take care of them - deal with them appropriately now, not later.  Learn to love and accept  yourself regardless of what others think.  You'll be happier and better off.  So will others around you.

Hi again!  This is a great summary of what we've all written.  I hope you find some comfort here, we're all here for you.  Take care of yourself. 

Jani

[tracy_j]

Hi Riley

Welcome

Your first step would be to approach your GP.  It would likely depend a little on what he decided as to where he would refer you to but he should not laugh, and if he treats you anything other than professionally then he is negligent in his job. It is extremely unlikely that it would happen. I provide this link, and would point out that there may be other ways to proceed than via GP but I have no experience of either although the information given via the link may show.

Your worries are common. Steady progress with help as required will get you past them. There are many members here with experience and happy to help. Some are in the UK so will have experience of NHS services (I do not have hormone therapy or surgery so personally have no direct experience).

You have made a good first step in addressing your fears etc. With steady progress you will find solutions

NHS link: http://www.nhs.uk/livewell/transhealth/pages/transhealthhome.aspx

Tracy x

 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Riley,

First of all, welcome to Laura's. I'm glad you're here! One thing I've learned is to be patient with myself and learn about myself. The others before me have talked about the medical stuff, so I won't preach on that. I will say that this is a wonderful place to get support and fellowship with other caring trans people as you learn who and what you are, and where you want to go with it. Join in! Just knowing we are not alone really empowers us. Good luck!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

[Riley]

Hey all thanks for the replies, yeah I'm bricking it and I don't really wanna lose my fertility and allot of my life for a time due to doing this if I still look more like a male lol. 

Im scared to go to my doctors Aswell because his been my doctor for years. im just so up and down right now. 

[tracy_j]

There are a lot of things you can do Riley to make changes which are not permanent. I have grown my hair and gave it in a feminine style as well as colouring it. That has made a major difference to me and my confidence and I have had several people tell me I look 10 years younger just from changing my hair. Take a little makeup, sorting my eyebrows (they are naturally thick and bushy) and, even if this didn't totally make me look like a woman, I really don't look anything like I did before with a greying facsimile of a US Marine cut. For me beginning to look and act feminine made me feel more feminine.

Personally I got to a point in life where things had built up (not trans related) and I had to do something. I took the decision and just moved forward. I have not seen a doctor myself but a few years before I did have depression and professional help so I was aware of how things may go and a feel for the support I would likely get. The reason I suggest the doctor to you (and gave you the link as there may be other options if he is not ideal, as well as good general information) is that I think it would really help you to discuss things with a gender therapist. They would be able to give you the options and explain different scenarios so that you would get to a point where you would likely understand yourself.

Another option that you may have, dependant on where you live, is a local support group. Some of the larger cities have them.

All in all, everyone is different and it is possible to get off the train at intermediate stops. You will find many different viewpoints here. The important thing is to get an understanding of yourself as you will them begin to relax and plan. Timber Wolf has given you good simple advice.

Tracy