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Alex Blitzen


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Alex Blitzen

You can find me at the bottom of a bottle

Feel the guilt and shame

Only me to blame

One empty bottle to kill the pain

Hopefully it doesn't make me insane

Two empty bottles to escape this hell

I know that it's not making me well

Three empty bottles to soothe my soul

Starting to really take its toll

Four empty bottles to make me pass out

Sick of living my life in doubt

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  • Posts

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      You and me both, Charlotte! I can’t tell you how many times I purged growing up. My last purge in 1996 and was a great loss to me. It was by far the most substantial  purge I had ever made. Eventually, we all have to accept ourselves or continue this costly cycle. Some of us are able to postpone acceptance and the cycle for a time but it usually comes at some emotional cost. You sound like you're at a good place with your self acceptance and being comfortable with your routine for now. If you ever require additional support, this forum is a good resource for that. I’m glad you joined us today and hope to hear more about your journey.   Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
    • Susan R
      Hi @Tess1968...nice to have you onboard. With some effort and time, you’ll find the support you need and maybe a few friends along the way. Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://modernmilitary.org/2020/07/116-lawmakers-call-for-an-end-to-the-trump-pence-transgender-military-ban/     Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.kxl.com/transgender-man-attacked-in-wilsonville/     Carolyn Marie
    • Hellothere
      Idk what else to title this ha ha   I  had a therapy appointment todau. Shes the third therapist now. Im like losing hope on finding a good one. First one was sevey under educated on trans topics, wasted a year. Second was WAY to pushy for hormones. Thisone. Idk how i feel yet. She seemed done with me at times. But she was perfectly nice and understanding. Asked questions, the usual. Seems decently trans educated. Idk if its my lack of fairh or...? Ill kerp with her till im sure. I just dunno. It mught be my trust issues too. Or that its through a screen. Like she was nice and all i kust. Ahh idk. Idk maybe she just woke up? Maybe she didnt get sllep. She just seemed tired at some answers.  Im torn between dustrust and my giving benefit of the doubtness.      Aaaaa therapy js stressful sometimes. 
    • KymmieL
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    • MetaLicious
      @ShawnaLeigh, divine bovine, girl! It doesn't seem that long ago you were just starting your journey... This is a major milestone! Congratulations to you! I am so happy for you! You are an inspiration to me.  Things have been going so slowly for me, but I hope Maryland will be a great place for the new me. Hearing about your progress helps keep me going. 
    • JustineM
      Well I’ve been in the gym for about 2 weeks now. Met with the personal trainer earlier this week and he was actually really nice. Discussed my goals and he didn’t even blink when discussing me being transgender. The only real reaction was suggesting heavier weight training for my legs to tone and get some curves.    On a side note; OH girl my body aches lol. 
    • Janae
      Welcome Charlotte!  I purged while I was trying to understand who I was.  I found this place over a year ago, and it has helped immensely knowing that I am not alone.  I think you will find everyone to be friendly. Hugs Janae
    • Carolyn Marie
      Welcome to Trans Pulse, Tess.  I can tell that you're a bit shy, but if and when you feel like telling us a little more about yourself, we'll be here for you.  Like my friend Cyndee said, please look around and ask lots of questions.   HUGS   Carolyn Marie
    • Charlotte Sparkle
      As a forty something male who has been cross-dressing since my early teens and has suffered at times with gender dysphoria, I have often thought about a way of identifying on the transgender spectrum.    Am I correct to use the label 'transgender guy' or am I just a plain old  'crossdresser'?   The reason I ask is that despite no immediate need to transition I do often wish I had a woman's body.  I love all things feminine such as clothing, heels, jewellery, perfumes, makeup and hairstyles.  Often if I see a woman with a hairstyle I like I'm wishing I could have my hair like that too.  It's the same when I see a women wearing something nice or with nice makeup  I wish I could look like that too.   Seeing a woman wearing something nice, often I'll think about the outfit for days on end and sometimes I've ended up buying similar clothes to re-create the look myself.  As a result of this I've spent an absolute fortune and run out of wardrobe space. As I've got older I've felt the need to look more feminine whenever I dress and this often triggers gender dysphoria   Thanks for reading, any feedback would be much appreciated.   Lotte x
    • Carolyn Marie
      Welcome to Trans Pulse, Lotte.  I certainly understand where you're coming from.  Buying and purging was something I did a lot of back in the day.  Some other ideas on dressing discretely include putting clear coat on your nails and wearing an ankle bracelet.  I even found a pair of low heel women's ankle boots that passed as men's boots.  Just have to be sure they don't have all the buckles and such on them.   Please have a look around and ask whatever questions come to mind.   HUGS   Carolyn Marie
    • JustineM
      Good evening ladies and gentlemen! Relaxing after work and binge watching “I am Jazz”. Thinking about painting my toes, but not too hard lol. Just got to decide what color to do. 
    • Dinaki
    • Charlotte Sparkle
      Hi, I'm a forty something male from Merseyside in the UK who is at times lost in the pink fog.  I've been cross-dressing since my early teens and came out to my Wife and close family a few years ago.    For years I've spent silly amounts of money on womens clothing, heels, jewellery and makeup.   I love all things feminine and in particular anything sparkly, black patent leather,  floral dresses,  sequin dresses, fluffy sweaters,  leggings, pretty tops, skirts, high heels, silver jewellery,  metallic eye-shadows, nail polishes.   I have had several purges over the years but I seldom get rid of anything nowadays as I know I'll only be looking for it again.  As a result I struggle for space in the bedroom as my feminine stuff takes up more space than my normal male clothing and my wardrobes are bursting at the seems and I'm now having to store some stuff in my attic.   I don't get as much opportunity to dress nowadays but I'm able to cope by wearing womens deodorants, shaving my body hair and having my ears pierced.   Like most cross-dressers my taste in clothing has changed over the years and I much prefer feminine looking attire nowadays rather than tarty stuff although I do like party wear outfits from time to time (lots of sequins, glitter and sparkle).   Bye for now   Lotte x            
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