Do I have gender dysphoria?

[guyinside22]

I've been looking up gender dysphoria.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_dysphoria

http://www.m.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/gender-dysphoria

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Gender-dysphoria/Pages/Introduction.aspx

 

I am confused because as far as I know currently I'm biologically intersex. But I've experience things that were similar to their description. 

But not completely. I never have had any distress when conforming really. But I have distress with my body. I have always thought my genitals were gross. I like male genitals personally. But when I was under 7/8 I never really wanted to be a boy. I did prefer my male identified peers and at 7/8 I was around mainly girls and I was isolated for the two years I danced ballet because I didn't get along well with a female dominated environment and I didn't thrive. And the way I preferred to play was also preferably different than many girls at that point and earlier but I never really even understood what the difference was between boys and girls. I went through an early puberty which also made me feel very different than everyone my age. Which hurt my socialization. For me I didn't mind though my puberty being female until I was older. When I was 12 it kind of felt like my puberty was like being shot dead and not realizing it until you're already dead. I started puberty at 7 and for me my issue was I felt foreign and odd and I worried if something was wrong with me because I stopped looking like a young child and somehow I was supposed to act like I was a normal child even though I didn't feel normal and I knew most kids didn't go through this which was around the point I wanted to be anyone but myself and felt really depressed about my life on that level and ma y others. I didn't want to be manlike or womanlike I wanted to look like a 7 year old kid. When I got to an age to see where I wanted to go I realized at 12 I felt deep down I was just a gay 12 year old boy and that I needed to develop male characteristics genitalia/height/voice distribution of weight etc I wanted to grow up and be a man. I have swyer's syndrome with xxy karyotype but I didn't know I was intersex. But I always felt like I had a connection somehow and that I was really supposed to be a boy. And that it would have been better for my soul to be in a boy's body instead of a girl's. I felt/feel disconnected with my body and I felt sometimes stuck in a woman's body. But in a sense I am not sure if that's just the condition or not. I don't crossdeess consciously. I say consciously because I can't really tell male attire from female attire. I don't need to be seen as male to live a fulfilling life. I don't really care about gender roles and don't feel I have a desire to fit into any tradition male or female. My major issues have been around wanting the body I'd have without the syndrome. I don't mind if I conform even. Which is my issue with transitioning. I tried looking unto transitioning at 14 and I thought about it as early as 12. My issue was I worried if I tried and failed. If I couldn't get sufficient bottom surgery and I'm tiny I'm 5'2" if I stand slightly with my heels raised. If I still didn't feel man enough I'd not even be the lesser female I am. I'd be neither and I don't want to be neither I want to be a man and if I couldn't be I'd rather be a functional woman than a person that I don't see as a man. I need to see myself as a male. The man I always thought I could have been. I also don't hate being a woman I just think it doesn't fit me its odd and I feel like when I see me I see myself as someone I've become but not someone I can truly be. I will always look different to me than my inner soul. My issue is mostly physical though I do socialize better with men than women. And that's never changed for me. But like when I was a kid I never refused to be referred to as a girl or refused to wear female clothing or anything. I don't care about names articles of clothing or social roles. I wear make up high heels if i have to at my job and female traditional clothing it fits my body better I have a large chest and a smaller build if I were to wear more male identified clothing I wouldn't look anymore male and I would just look like an ugly female. Because my chest makes me look fat and that type of attire would do me worst than I struggle already. I have short hair but that doesn't make me look anything but more feminine. I've shaved my head bald because its easier at times and it just brings out the feminine features. I usually do whatever fits best my features as I actually think I'm a very pretty girl. But I know in reality I'm not her at all. Some of the stuff with gender dysphoria hits home other stuff I have never considered. Anyhow can someone who is intersex have gender dysphoria? Or is it just the side effect of being born with a birth defect?

[tracy_j]

As far as I am aware anyone can have gender dysphoria. As you will be aware the body and mind are complex and inter-related so the fact you are intersex will have it's effect on things but if you were not born intersex that does not mean that you would not have gender dysphoria.

The main thing that comes out to me from reading is that of confusion. I think you need to discuss your thoughts with a gender therapist if possible. They would help you to clarify things in your mind so you would be better able to plan your future. At the moment you appear to be planning (or at least thinking of)  actions which would come well down the line (eg surgery) from an uncertain position, which is not good.

Speaking from one who is principally non-binary I can read your confusion as my mind thinks in similar ways occasionally. It is, and I do find it, a tricky position to be in at times but generally I have not found it too problematic. There is no issue with being both male and female or even neither. It is only really social conventions which are the real issue - and that is so with transexuality in general.

So I would just re-iterate - talk to a gender therapist if you can. The more you can relax and live with yourself the easier it will be to progress. Everyone is different, and you are only doing what anyone else would do - making your way through life.

Tracy

[Guest Alicia Rose]

There's a book titled "The ABC's of LGBT" by Ashley Mardell, a popular YouTube personality, that goes goes in-depth on definitions and identities beyond the binary gender roles (male/man / female/woman). For example..

Intergender: A person who identifies between or as a mix of the binary genders.
Genderfluid: Having a gender that changes.
Non-binary: Existing or identifying outside the sex/gender binary, being neither man nor woman, or being only partially or a combination of these things.

I'd recommend this book if you're curious about those things. As for Gender Dysphoria ("Distress or unhappiness experienced because one's gender does not match their sex and/or gender assigned at birth") it really can happen to anyone.

For me, when I was much younger I was always confused about my sexual attractions and how I 'should' present my gender. I never really fit in and wasn't sure why I felt so different. Years later I would discover the term Transgender and literally everything starting to make sense and I felt more connected with myself than ever before.

Labels, like the ones I shared, can help others better understand how and why they feel the way they do, and discover others that feel the same way. There are many labels used by others, more than you might know, and not everyone likes labels. Gender Dysphoria doesn't (obviously) define us, but could be the cause of not knowing why or how we express ourselves. Being Transgender, I learned everything I could about trans* people and it helped/helps me battle my dysphoria.

**Descriptions in my post were quoted from The ABC's of LGBT book.

[guyinside22]

On 12/13/2016 at 2:14 AM, tracy_j said:

As far as I am aware anyone can have gender dysphoria. As you will be aware the body and mind are complex and inter-related so the fact you are intersex will have it's effect on things but if you were not born intersex that does not mean that you would not have gender dysphoria.

The main thing that comes out to me from reading is that of confusion. I think you need to discuss your thoughts with a gender therapist if possible. They would help you to clarify things in your mind so you would be better able to plan your future. At the moment you appear to be planning (or at least thinking of)  actions which would come well down the line (eg surgery) from an uncertain position, which is not good.

Speaking from one who is principally non-binary I can read your confusion as my mind thinks in similar ways occasionally. It is, and I do find it, a tricky position to be in at times but generally I have not found it too problematic. There is no issue with being both male and female or even neither. It is only really social conventions which are the real issue - and that is so with transexuality in general.

So I would just re-iterate - talk to a gender therapist if you can. The more you can relax and live with yourself the easier it will be to progress. Everyone is different, and you are only doing what anyone else would do - making your way through life.

Tracy

Without swyer syndrome I wouldn't have gender dysphoria. But I'd have has a few issues with conforming. Because I'd be a guy with Klinefelter syndrome. And the way I am I'm strongly attracted to men in almost a magnetic way lol. That probably wouldn't change. I wouldn't fit that well in my family being traditionally heterosexual and homophobic. But I would have no issues with my body that's the body I always knew I'd have had.

 

I think that far ahead because I'm OK with the idea of living as a man. I'm OK with the hormones. I wish really that the hormones could do more. I've talked to people who transition and I just critique them if I were to be them what I'd need to be OK. I've talked to therapists but they get uncomfortable with me saying that because I don't look like the typical transgender person. I called my insurance and they know very little about gender therapist they have no category for that. My last therapist didn't even know what intersex meant.

 

I'm in the process of finding someone though.