I can't

[Cindy Truheart]

I can't stop drinking.

I can't stop the pain.

I can't make her understand.

That she isn't to blame.

I can't get my head straight.

I can't reveal the truth.

I can't understand me.

So how can she relate?

I can't stop the sadness.

I can't stop the pain.

I can't believe I promised.

And now I can't leave this place.

[Charlize]

 Thank you for sharing a powerful poem.

I remember those feeling of not being able to do what seemed necessary.  Drinking was the first to fall for me.  I reached out and got help.  In recovery i also found that with honesty and the support of others i could do other things i thought impossible.  It took time and i couldn't do it alone but once i took the hands that were reaching out it's gotten much better.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

[BlindWillow]

You can do whatever you want, Cindy Truheart, but you probably want to fully express and experience grief in some way that you've not been able to as of yet, most likely through no fault of your own. Your hard-hitting but heart-rendingly beautiful poem here speaks to this fact. Endings are difficult. New beginnings cannot truly flourish without a complete releasing of the past and full catharsis. I find that poetry is a wonderful way to help achieve this. Do keep writings.

Best wishes,

Loreli aka "BlindWillow"

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Cindy,

In your poem, I saw a kind of step ladder of issues, not in order, but a step ladder none the less. You can only take one step at a time. The first step of that ladder is to stop drinking. We must take that first step before we can climb the rest of our stepladders. The problem is that the first step of the ladder always seems to be covered with grease, and every time we try taking it on our own, our foot slips right off and we fall flat on our face. We need others who have negotiated that first step to help and support us as we attempt it. With their help and support, we can actually climb that step and then start on the next step. Climb the ladder one step at a time.

 

Cindy, you are a beautiful person who is poised to be set free, even though it may not feel like it. 

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Cindy Truheart]

Thanks everyone, but some things have shaken out since I wrote this. My drinking has significantly gone down. Whereas before I had a hard time not drinking every evening, I now go for 3 or 4 days at a time without a drop. I've been using the drinking as an emotional crutch and it doesn't help that my wife is also. But things got better when I made some connections about how I was taught love at a very early age. This was affecting my relationship with my wife on several levels. Once I figured it all out with the help of my therapist, my desire to drink in the evenings went down significantly. I know, I should stop it all together. But I'm taking things one at a time. I'm happy to say that I'm making progress and each day I'm feeling better. Slow and steady wins the race. Now I know that when I want a drink, something else is going on and I need to try and figure out WHY I want a drink. Progress!

[VickySGV]

A bit over 8 years ago I had a therapist also wondering, and helping me work on why I was drinking so darn much.  The answer was easy, I had GD big time, and the answer for me was HRT and getting honest with the whole world.  For me, the HRT removed all cravings for the booze or its effects on me.

[Guest]

Since I began dealing with all this, my alcohol consumption has plummeted. I would easily drink a 12-pack a night, but over a short period of time after starting my dealing, I lost the need to drink. I drink socially now, and I don't think I've drank in 6-8 weeks now. And only occasionally for the last 6-7 months.  

[Jennifer T]

Poweful, poignant  and honest.