Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Coming out in the work place


MisterWatson

Recommended Posts

Hello hello everyone! I come to you all this fine day to ask for some advice!

So, I recently began seeing a gender therapist last Thursday, and, although we will be covering some of the bigger issues I will be facing in the future, there has been one thing that has been bothering me for quite some time now.

Considering the title of this post, I'm sure you all know what this issue is!

Now, regarding coming out in the work place, I'm not necessarily certain on how to do this. All of my coworkers are very understanding and kind to me, and after working with them for a little over six months, I feel as if they know me fairly well, right? But I still worry about how they will handle this, nonetheless.

Regardless, I shall try and move forward! It's just a matter of whether or not I discuss this with HR, my bosses, or both, about my possible transitioning? Or if I should handle this in a different manner?
That, and what exactly should I say?

Any advice? :)

Link to comment

My advice is try to find out the antidiscrimination policy first, hopefully on the website. It may not matter whether or not gender identity is protected, but I know I felt better once I knew that it was. I recommend going to HR first. They're going to have to be brought in anyway. They are the ones that know what the policies are and can provide guidance. Besides they're going to be the first ones your bosses call.

In my case, I went to HR, they didn't really have a policy in place about transition, so they let me take the lead. If I had gone to my bosses, there would have been a lot more back and forth, and probably a good bit of misinformation.

Link to comment

Thank you very much for your advice! I'll definitely take a look into the policies given, it might take some extensive research, but I'm sure it'd be worth it in the end.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, TexasLibraryLady said:

My advice is try to find out the antidiscrimination policy first, hopefully on the website. It may not matter whether or not gender identity is protected, but I know I felt better once I knew that it was. I recommend going to HR first. They're going to have to be brought in anyway. They are the ones that know what the policies are and can provide guidance. Besides they're going to be the first ones your bosses call. In my case, I went to HR, they didn't really have a policy in place about transition, so they let me take the lead. If I had gone to my bosses, there would have been a lot more back and forth, and probably a good bit of misinformation.

Probably the best advice (i.e., going to HR...esp. w/ re: to checking it out in/on the company HR manual first.  Seems prudent...and may effect one's decisions/plans).

Best wishes in transition.

[Personally, I never went to HR myself....[I am in no way advocating that someone else does that...am just stating what I didn't do...I think it's a personal decision that each individual has to decide for himself/herself.].... I had been w/ my employer tor a few years, before I took a month's paid-time-off to have surgery & to recuperate a bit.  Post srs/grs, I continued to work for the same employer until I retired.  It honestly never occurred to me to go to HR; not entirely sure why....I guess I just always thought that if things got out of hand, beyond my ability to deal w/ it....I'd just quit and go to work for someone else.  I did tell a few folks at work, but in retrospect I consider that to be one of the worst decisions I ever made in my life.]

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

This is good advice as far as order of precedence.  Once you understand the company policy you can better approach the subject with HR. 

Jani

Link to comment
Guest Lizzie McTrucker

My advice, based on experience, would be to go to HR first. They would also know, or could easily look up, any policies in place. They would be the ones to help navigate a time line for work place transition so people who need to know will know and have someone designated for questions or concerns.

Link to comment

This October will be my thirtieth year here, and I'm still worried! I've told the personnel director, and about a dozen co-workers that I've known forever and believe them to be supportive people. So far I've picked properly because so far, no one except my daughter freaked out.

I've told my personnel director that I intend to complete transition this year and change my name and gender. I intend to just slowly continue. Been on HRT and changing my attire for a year now, now Im starting to feel like accelerating, but I'm also trying to wait for my wife to catch up. Good luck........

Link to comment

Firstly, I apologize for my late reply, I've been sick this past week or so, and just now have been able to keep my eyes open without them watering (finally!)

However, after taking everything into consideration (and thank you all for taking the time to respond to this!) I have decided to turn to HR when it comes to this situation. But, I am unsure of when to do this.

Would it be best if I wait to tell them when I know for certain I have an upcoming surgery to help with my transition/am expecting to take hormones? Or, should I discuss this with them as soon as possible?

Link to comment
  • Admin

Hello, Mr. Watson.  I've been on VC recently and don't think I've met you before this.  So a belated welcome to you.

The advice given above is very good and I could not agree more.  How you handle things depends, in part, on your situation with the company, how open it is to new things (or how open it says it is), how big it is, and how many people you routinely deal with.

In my case, I had a staff of 25 in an organization of over 200, most of whom knew me.  I came out to HR and we formed a working group to plan everything out.  My transition, with one exception, went extremely well, and I owe that to the planning we did.

Based on the fact that you just started seeing a GT, I don't think there is a rush to tell HR.  I would wait until you are a few weeks to a few months from the time you plan to socially transition.  It would cut down on red tape if you didn't transition until you have changed your name, so that Personnel and Payroll won't have legal issues.  But those things can be worked around if all you want to do is an "unofficial" name change.

There is a sub-forum here on Coming Out, with some great threads going back a while.  You can check it out.  There is also lots of stuff online to help provide advice and support, including state by state how-to's on legal name changes.

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment

Thank you very much! I most definitely will wait before telling HR, then. And thank you for the warm welcome!

I am meeting with my gt in a week and a half, and will possibly bring this up to her during the session, I don't doubt she will agree with you all! It won't hurt to wait until the time is right anyhow, they're a big company, but I don't believe them to be adverse in helping me with this change.

Thank you for the help everyone! (and thank you for taking the time to answer this!)

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 102 Guests (See full list)

    • Piper
    • Jet McCartney
    • April Marie
    • EasyE
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,942
    • Most Online
      8,356

    taxicab
    Newest Member
    taxicab
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Ashley0616
      Good evening to you as well @Mmindy   That is awesome that you have support from her side. My dad has communicated with me once and that was because he was forced to. His new wife wanted to spend time with my kids. He hated me so much he was in the process of taking my rights away as a parent to my two boys. He was talking to a lawyer and I called him out on it. I don't love him at all. I'll respect him because I wouldn't be here without him but I wished I had another father. My uncles don't talk to me and unfriended me on Facebook. Almost all cousins except for two are still Facebook friends but they don't give me any support. My mom said she won't support me with that but she has said that she loves me. I have nieces and nephews that are still Facebook friends but they have yet to talk to me. I have one sister that supports me out of three. The other's disrespect me by deadnaming me. They have never called me their sister. I think for them they think it's still a phase. They don't ask questions about me being trans. I have to bring it up and on the look of their faces they don't look comfortable about it. 
    • Mmindy
      Good evening @Ashley0616,   I just got offline with HP tech support trying to get my printer tool box icon locked to my tool bar. This is one of the most important features of my printer that I like because it keeps track of ink, paper, and scanned documents. I'm diffidently not a computer geek.   I'll catch up with the other bookmarks next week. We leave to go home for the Easter Holiday with our families. Saturday with her side, and Sunday with my side. What's odd about that is I'm out to more of her side and they're reluctantly supportive. My side on the other hand are less supportive, and my sister just under me in age will not acknowledge my being there. She will be constantly moving to keep from dealing with me. I'm dead to her.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋  
    • Ashley0616
      I used to follow baseball and the team I would cheer for is Boston Red Sox. My favorite player was Papi. He was an awesome guy and even held a child during the National Anthem. I haven't watched baseball for a long time. It just died off to me. 
    • Ashley0616
      That stinks that nothing transferred, and no bookmarks were saved! 
    • Ashley0616
      I'm doing patches for now but I think soon I'll go to shots because it's hard to alternate when you are doing two xx patches at once. Unless she gives me Estradiol and progesterone
    • Sally Stone
      Go Cleveland Guardians!  I love baseball and I loved playing it when I was younger.  
    • Sally Stone
      My view is we are "dependent" on government, because as a society, we are too lazy to stay actively involved. So, we let politicians do our bidding for us.  I think we'd be in a better place government wise if we policed the actions of our politicians.  We elected them; they work for us.  Sadly, we are allowing them to run amok.  We are where we are because we have chosen to let politicians make all decisions without us.  Remember "by the people, for the people?" That was the intent of our democracy.  Today, however, it is "by the politicians, for the politicians," the people be damned. 
    • Mmindy
      "Play Ball! Batter Up!" is the closing line of the National Anthem as far as I'm concerned. It's the call of the Home Plate Umpire and signals the start of the game. I grew up in the TV and Radio broadcast of the St. Louis Cardinals. Harry Caray, Jack Buck, Tim McCarver, and Mike Shannon, were the voices on my transistor radio. KMOX 1120 AM pushing 50,000 watts of Class A clear-channel non-directional signal. It could be picked up all across MO, IL, IN to the East. KS, OK, CO to the West. IA, MN to the North, and KY, TN, AR to the South. There has always been a rivalry against the Chicago Cubs, in the National League. As for the American League, I have to pull for the Kansas City Royals. I've also been a Little League Umpire, and fan of everything the Little League stands for. Going to Williamsport, PA and seeing the Little League World Series is in my top 10 things to do on my bucket list.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Good evening everyone,   I don't think my mother ever cooked a meal that I didn't like. We also had a kitchen where mom fixed the food, dad filled your plate, and you eat it. It wasn't until our baby brother was born that we could have Pop-Tarts for snacks. Before that all snacks had to meet mom's approval, and in her opinion wouldn't prevent you from eating supper.   Well my day started off on a good note, but has become frustrating because my IT person didn't transfer my saved videos I use for teaching. Then I found out that they didn't save any of my book marks for websites I use frequently.   Best wishes, stay motivated,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      The number is relative to method of deliver, the time of the dose, and when the blood is drawn. However, I do want to keep away from DVT and other potential issues. I assume I may be getting backed down from my current dose, but my doc told me to stick with the higher dose, so? I also wonder if this has anything to do the my breast growth and mental changes that have been happening over the past few years, like I have some estrogen sensitivity so a little goes a long way or something? I don't have enough data to postulate, but who knows!   With weekly, subcutaneous, shots you expect to see big swings of serum level estradiol from shot to peak to trough. My doctor is interested in mid-week testing (for E and T levels only), which would be post-peak blood serum levels but they will be higher than trough. Most, if not all, resources I've seen online is to measure at trough (which I might do just to do it next time) along with a SHBG, LH, and other metrics.   This is from transfemscience.org for Estradiol valerate in oil, which is very spiky compared to some other estradiol combinations. It's also for intramuscular, which will have a slower uptake and is usually dosed in higher volume due to the slower absorption rate from muscles. They don't have subcutaneous numbers, which I would expect to see similar spikes but higher levels at similar doses due to the relatively higher absorption rate direct from fat.   Are you doing pills, shots, or patches? And when you do get your levels checked are you getting that done when your levels are lowest or some other time?
    • Willow
      Both of my parents were from the “North Shore” of Boston.  My mother Lynn and my father Swampscot.  They had an early 1900s Scots-Irish New England diet.  My sister and I were born in the 40s in Ohio well away from New England seafood and in an area where food was more German and Polish.  My first experience with liver and onions was during basic training.  They ate salt cod but never forced us to eat it same with oysters.  My dad ate oysters but my mother wouldn’t.  Anyone who ever ate an oyster can figure that one out.  I grew up eating lamb.  My wife won’t touch it. I love brazed ox tail, again no way. And the list goes on.  
    • KathyLauren
      My mother was German, so yes, I think it was a cultural thing.  If I'd known you when we were cleaning out my mother's place, I could have sent you her "threat jar". 
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Been taking it real easy.Another good neighbor of mine and his 15 year old son came over and cut down a couple dead trees on my property.Knew not to do it taking it easy.I had them put the wood near my fire pit in the back yard.Did it and happy where they put it.They knew I had stents put in and needed to take it easy
    • Ashley0616
      Wow that is a high number for Estradiol good grief! Testosterone levels are better than mine. I don't remember my Estradiol level but testosterone was 80. To me that is really high but it was in the two hundreds the check in before last one. 
    • Ivy
      I don't understand why this would make a difference being a "dad" I mean, as far as how they would grow.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...