Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

My Blood Test Results


Guest Alicia Rose

Recommended Posts

Guest Alicia Rose

Had my third Endo. visit the other day and got my results back! 

Feb. 23rd 2017 Blood Results:
Testosterone - 39 ng/dL (Low)
Estradiol - 106 pg/mL (High)


My previous results in Nov. 2016 were: T - 169 (Low) and E - 82 (HIgh)

I'm glad to see the numbers get much better and look forward to a brighter future. I'm still struggling with certain things like finding peace in my head and being happy. I'm wanting to move out and meet new friends. That is the positive change I'm longing for! It's hard to be super happy when so alone. But I'm hanging on.

Link to comment

Jealous Moon, first of, thank you for sharing your wonderful news. I am glad the results are what you are looking for.

I am going to empathize with your isolation, and I am sorry if I misread your feelings (it can be particular difficult sometimes over a 2-dimensional format, such as forums/emails/texts).

Feelings of isolation are certainly difficult. I was there in my deepest depression (didn't realize yet I had PTSD). I started to keep myself out of any human contact. Later, I found more excuses to not go out. Didn't want to see my ex, didn't really need to do my shopping. Etc.

After therapy and following acceptance (a buddhist approach), I found when I sat with my isolation, I came to find out that I was fearful of acceptance/rejection. Fearful of what other people will say and reject me for being me.

I set myself small steps to overcome these. Testing a place in boy clothing to get a feel for the location. Then going in there the way I wanted to. When I went grocery shopping (as an example), I felt like EVERYONE was staring at me and judging me (I told myself it was impossible to know what they are thinking, and started to breath). I still finished my groceries in record time and I came home and needed a shower (sweat so much). But it made me glad to face my fear and accept it (not overcome it, just know it was there... and the more I recognized it, the more I became calm).

A friend network is so important! If I was closer to you, I would certainly invite you for tea/coffee. I truly believe human contact in any form is exceptionally healthy for us all. I am fortunate that my older friends (older in the sense they've known my for 20+ years) have accepted me as transgendered and I am able to do activities with them without worrying about judgment. Eventually, it led me to garner better confidence. I also believe a bit of friendliness in your day to day interact goes very far. It's led me to go for coffees with strangers that developed in friendships. My old self would never have done this because I grew up understanding that my sensitivity was wrong and too thin-skinned. Now I see it as a beautiful aspect of my being: a way to understand complex emotions and situations. And I had an extremely wonderful time going out to a dance club not too long ago with a bunch of girl friends (I even just faced my fear when the bouncer asked me for ID and did a triple take when he saw me -- took it as a compliment :).)

Oops, kind of going on a tangent! Sorry. I guess to shorten my already long answer, you will make that friend network you are longing for and it will be so awesome. Local support groups, if you aren't in one (and if there is one in your area), can help me connect you with some people too.

I truly wish you the best in all your next endeavours!!!

Love, Stephanie

Link to comment
Guest Alicia Rose

@Aanzinaago'Stephanie Thank you for the nice reply. I'm very happy to hear you're facing your fears and learning to handle them.

I've met a girl named Anna online that lives a few hours away from me and we've literally been texting on phone almost non-stop for a week now. While we're not going to soon, we have already agreed to meet up one day and hang out (after her SRS in March). Of course, there is still a big difference between online and real life friends. Which, I'm hoping she will change that.

A support Group would be amazing but I believe they're too far away and I don't drive. And I'd be too nervous taking an UBER ride there and be alone far from home. But, now that I've said that it might not be a bad idea. I just don't know how those work, if they're free etc. lol

Anyway, thank you for your reply. :)

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Congratz on the better numbers!

I live in an ultra conservative area dominated by Evangelical churches and people who revel in the label redneck hillbilly. I was not only frightened but often felt so alone and isolated. I share my household with my granddaughter and daughter (and at that time my granddaughter's father who was extremely anti LGBT) and while my granddaughter embraced the transition with ease at 10, my daughter who is an only child struggled and was more distant for over a year. I still have only met 2 trans people face to face in the 6 years since I transitioned and both came here to meet me.

But I decided to just be myself and let the chips fall where they may. To get through each day as best I could. Now 6 years later I find more people want to be friends and have relationships than I have time or inclination for. I'm deeply introverted by nature and transition didn't completely change that though it did ultimately make me more comfortable with it.

Hang in there and in time you will find you are no longer thinking in trans terms but just human terms. And the people around you will be the same. That as you like yourself better and are more comfortable with yourself others will feel the same. Funny thing is , as I have related in other posts, even the people who are anti-trans see me as an exception because they want to like me. One person at my daughter's work made an anti trans statement in her hearing and she called them on it. It was someone I had known through transition too. When my daughter reminded them I was trans they said "That's different. That's JJ and he's cool". Because they want to like me they just block from their minds I am trans or was ever any different. Okay with me because I didn't transition to live as a trans man but a man.

Sure sometimes I would like to discuss trans issues IRL with another trans person. My daughter has become not only accepting but a huge advocate and yet there are aspects only another trans person can really understand fully. I can get that understanding online and it has become enough. But i am no longer isolated  as i was in the beginning and the way in which I am isolated in that there is no one here who can really understand my inner journey is no longer an important part of my life. You move past having a trans life to just having a life. And there will be people who want to just be friends with someone they like.

Johnny

Link to comment
Guest Alicia Rose

@JJ Thanks for the nice reply. I'm wanting to meet trans people in real life because I feel there's just a big difference from Online and Real Life. It would feel way more personal and open. Can't hide a lot of things like we can online. It could be encouraging to feel like: Okay so they see me, hear me, know me. I'm unable to hide from them.

Wouldn't that be a push of encouragement? I'm lacking that. To live a wonderfully happy life as my authentic self is everything I want and nothing would be better for me. Anyway--

I'm glad to hear about the positives in your life. It is a tad funny how some people can be that way.. judgemental but let it pass on someone they happen to know, right? Maybe that can help them better understand things aren't all black and white. It's unfortunate some minds are closed to just accepting others for the people they are without giving 'special passes'. Anyway--

Thank you for the reply and insightful input. I'm planning ahead and getting my life together. My blood results were better than expected, so I'll keep my head up high and try my best to be confident. :)

Link to comment

I agree regarding online vs not online encounters, but sometimes you can be pleased that some are the same online and not. :) It seems like you have an attainable goal and method to reach your goal.

I know that certain companies such as Uber is cost-driven (similar to taking a taxi). So, if funds are low, that can be tricky. What about events around where you live? I don't know how people are in your area regarding LGBTQ, so unfortunately I can't really suggest things without knowing if there is a level of possible maliciousness. That said, I often find that artistic events are pretty open-minded (poetry, visual-type arts, symphony/plays). I went to a paranormal event and yes, some people avoided me (but because I am trans? I would never be able to say), and a certain amount of people there directly included me in conversations, including the organizers.

Link to comment
Guest Alicia Rose

Yeah I don't really see anything super close, but I don't keep tabs on Trans Events much. If I were to see any nearby I would try to go. I'll try checking my state's LGBT site and look for events.

My goal would be to just get out and meet others.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   8 Members, 0 Anonymous, 131 Guests (See full list)

    • MaeBe
    • Karen Carey
    • VickySGV
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • April Marie
    • Jet McCartney
    • Birdie
    • Ashley0616
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,024
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JamesyGreen
    Newest Member
    JamesyGreen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Dillon
      Dillon
    2. Kaylee888
      Kaylee888
    3. lily100
      lily100
      (39 years old)
    4. Luce
      Luce
      (44 years old)
    5. Luke.S
      Luke.S
  • Posts

    • MaeBe
      Two words(?): Project 2025   Please provide links to the "political calculus" referred to, I'd be interested to know where this is coming from. It seems odd that anyone would be advocating to vote in a President that has stated that he will try to use the federal government to go after LGBTQ+ people because voting back Biden, that is not doing that, might cause some state legislatures to put forth more discriminatory laws.   LGBTQ+ people are not safe in a MAGA future.
    • Ashley0616
      It's awesome that you have had such a great friend in your life! I could only imagine what losing felt like to you. It's neat that you worked for the airlines. Did you take advantage of the space availability fights? My dad worked for Northwest and always flew every single summer except one where we drove from north Mississippi to Phoenix, AZ. My parents agreed to never do that again lol. 
    • Ashley0616
      The trans community won't be good under Trump at all. Biden is the one who has done more for the trans community than any other presidents. Last time Trump was in office he was at an LGBTQ rally and his support went quickly away from us because the majority of the voters are anti trans. He is going to get rid of our rights and also come after the rest of LGBTQ.  I don't know where you heard we would be better under Trump.    Trump unveils sweeping attack on trans rights ahead of 2024 (axios.com)   Trump Promises to Go After Trans People if Re-Elected (vice.com)   Trump promises to ban transgender women from sports if re-elected (nbcnews.com)
    • Sally Stone
      Post 7 “The Pittsburgh Years” When I retired from the Army, we moved to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania because I had been hired by US Airways to work in their flight training department.  The transition to civilian life was a bit of an adjustment, but I never really looked back.  At the same time, I was excited at the prospect of having more Sally time. But with work and two teenage boys in the house, getting to be Sally was a challenge.    The biggest issue in this regard were my sons, as they didn’t know about my feminine side.  My wife and I discussed, in great detail, whether or not to tell them.  If they had known about Sally, it would have been much easier to actually be Sally when I wanted to.  But I still didn’t know exactly where my transgender journey was going to take me, and this uncertainty was the primary reason my wife and I decided it wasn’t the right time to tell them about Sally.  Except for the convenience it would afford me, we didn’t think it was fair to burdened them with such a sensitive family secret if it wasn’t absolutely necessary.  If at some point things changed and it looked like I might be heading towards transition, my wife and I agreed we would revisit our decision.   Despite having to tiptoe around the boys I was able, with my wife often running interference for me, to significantly increase my girl time.  The nature of my variable work schedule meant that often days off occurred during the week when the boys were in school, and on those days, I took full advantage of the time.  Additionally, I had discovered a new trans friend through a local support group, and my wife, ever and always accommodating, ensured I had time for outings with my new friend.    Willa, my new friend, quickly became my best friend, and after only a short time, she and my wife became quite close as well.  With Willa’s help, I would soon discover that Pittsburgh was a very trans friendly city.  Together, she and I made the town our own.  We attended the theater, the symphony, we went out to dinner regularly, and I think we visited every museum in the city.  With Willa’s support and friendship, I was actually becoming quite the girl about town.    Willa and I had a lot in common.  We loved to shop, we had similar feminine styles, and we had similar views and feelings about being trans.  In fact, our frequent and deep discussions about transgender issues helped me begin to understand my transgender nature.  Having Willa as a springboard for all topics transgender, was probably as effective as regularly visiting a therapist.  I would never discount anyone’s desire to seek professional help, but having an unbiased confidant, can also be an effective method for self-discovery.    Exploring the city as Sally and spending time with Willa was instrumental in helping me understand my transgender nature, and would begin shaping my transgender objective.  My feelings about the kind of girl I was and where I wanted to go began to solidify.  Being out and socializing as Sally in a big city like Pittsburgh, taught me I could express my femininity without issue.  I honestly felt confident I could live my life as a woman; however, remaining completely objective, I just couldn’t see giving up the life I’d built as a man.   At that time, I was being heavily influenced by the concept of the gender binary, which had me thinking I had to choose between being a man or being a woman.  It was Willa who reminded me there were no rules requiring gender identity to be binary.  During one of our deep discussions, she posited the idea of enjoying both genders, something she was doing, and a concept that made a lot of sense to me.  I was already living the life of a part-time woman, so I simply started paying more attention to how that was making me feel.    One characteristic that was dominating my feminine self-expression (and it continues to this day) was that when I was Sally, I was “all in.”  When I became Sally, it was such a complete transformation that I truly felt like a woman.  The feeling was powerful, and if I had to describe it another way, I’d say it was akin to an actor, so into the part, they actually become the character they are portraying.  That was me, and I discovered that this level of depth was extremely fulfilling, and that feeling tended to last long after transitioning back to my male persona.  Part-time womanhood it seemed, was actually working for me.    Eventually, a job change forced me to move away from Pittsburgh, but the enlightenment I experienced while living there has shaped the nature of my bi-gender personality to this day.  Even after leaving, Willa and I remained the best of friends.  We had many more adventures, some of which I will detail in later posts.  Sadly, Willa passed away two-years ago after contracting a prolonged illness.  Her loss was hard to take and I miss her dearly.  However, I have so many fond memories of our times together, and because her support helped shape me, she lives on in my heart.   Hugs,   Sally
    • missyjo
      thank you dear. I'm constantly working at adjusting n writing off other people's judgment or input.   thank you n good luck
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Them's fighting words, but I intend to discuss this respectfully, calmly and so forth, in accordance with the forum rules.   Considering the one issue below in isolation:   There is a political calculus that trans folk may be better off under Trump than under Biden.  The argument goes that Biden has created such a backlash by moving so far to the left that red states, in particular, are reacting with a swarm of laws that negatively impact trans folk.  Some of his actions strike many people as clumsily forcing unwanted regulation on people, and some of his appointments, such as the luggage stealing bigender individual, have not helped advance trans folk but rather the reverse.  In a second term Biden would make things worse for trans folk because of the backlash and resentment his policies would create.    Trump likely would have negative impacts to trans folk, as he did in his first term with respect to the military, so it is a set of tradeoffs as to which is worse.   Thoughts?
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Can you dress androgynously? 
    • Ashley0616
    • Abigail Genevieve
      There are trans folk who pass better than some cis people.  People usually aren't on the lookout for those who are cross dressed.  As long as there are no multiple screaming signals and you don't draw attention to yourself you can probably pass better than you think. For example, if you walk into a bank in heels, however, and you DON'T know how to walk in heels, you will attract the attention of a security guard, especially if you are acting nervous. If you wear flats and just go to the bank and do your business like anyone else, it is likely no one will notice, except that there was a customer who was taller than most women are, but then there are tall women, and tall, broad shouldered woman.  I made the mistake years ago of thinking I had outed such, and knew she was a he.  Later I learned she had five kids, and her husband was bigger than she was.  Ooops.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I don't know much about CNAs.  They report to an RN, right?  Can you somehow bring this up to the RN in a way that does not get your CNA mad at you? I'm not saying you should, but maybe that is a good course of action.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      This is the thing.  A month ago tomorrow is when I stopped wearing m clothing.  Today I feel great.  I do not have dysphoria when I am dressed as and I move as a woman.  I was just thinking about that because I was wondering if I would or will get hit with a wave of "you don't have dysphoria so you might as well dress like a guy. Less hassle with your wife."  Not that she is aware, to my knowledge, that these androgynous clothes are women's.  No desire to "flip", no feeling of need to, just happy identifying as female.  Speaking, in my deep guy voice, with female voice patterns, doing the feminine gestures that come naturally and without exaggeration and at peace.
    • Birdie
      Yes, my brother was born lactating due to absorbing hormones from my mum.    Of course she isn't a nurse, she is a CNA. She should however still have general medical knowledge.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I agree.  But sometimes unethical conduct must still be legal, because the cure would be worse than the disease.  One problem we have today with the internet is the trolls can gang up on someone and destroy them - we see the with school bullying as well.   He was in the Southern Baptist Convention, and maybe he should have moved his church over to say the American Baptists, who might have been able to help him. A Southern Baptist pastor is king in his church, peerless, which means he could not have gone for help in his church.  And he could not have gone for help from any other pastor in the SBC because they likely affirm the SBC statements on these matters.  I think he was stuck.    I read this when it came out in the news.  Very sad situation.  
    • Carolyn Marie
      One organization that I know of that is dedicated to assisting LGBT seniors is SAGE.  They advocate for, and have services for, all LGBT folks, not just trans folk.  You can find their website Here.  I am not sure what, if anything, they have in terms of financial assistance.  I'll let you know if I find anything else.   Carolyn Marie
    • Davie
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...