My journey

[silentrevolt]

As a kid, I don't think I was really aware of gender. I thought I was a girl because everyone around me said that I was one and I didn't question that. I do remember that I wanted to look like a boy but back then I didn't understand why. I have heard about trans people, but the information I had was very little and inaccurate. I believed that only gay men would transition into being a women and only lesbians would become men. Since I did not like girls I thought that I couldn't be trans.

I think it was during middle school that I started to kind of question my gender, but during high school I really started to question it. I would look up all of these different terms and apply them to myself to see how they fit. I went through agender, neutrois, bigender, and now I am at demiboy. I also started to bind in high school by first using a scarf, then sports bras, and then finally a binder. It was nerve wracking waiting for that binder because I was afraid that my family would find out about me.

Now I am in college and I go by my preferred name. I actually came out to my parents but I still get misgendered sometimes.

I still struggle with doubting myself, usually after I read people saying stuff that trans men are just women with internalized misogyny, and gay trans men are actually straight women. I know that it's bs but it can still get to me.

[MarcieMarie12]

Hi Silentrevolt, welcome to Laura's! For those that get confused and say stuff like that they need to be reminded sexuality is who you want to go to bed with, gender identity is who you go to bed as.

[Tejana]

8 minutes ago, MarcieMarie12 said:

Hi Silentrevolt, welcome to Laura's! For those that get confused and say stuff like that they need to be reminded sexuality is who you want to go to bed with, gender identity is who you go to bed as.

Hhmmm....That's catchy.  I like it.

Best wishes to the OP.

[Jani]

Hello Silentrevolt!  Welcome to our corner of the world.  I'm glad you found us and  we can be of mutual benefit to all.  As you've figured out there are no rules as to who is transgender and who is not.  This is a personal journey for each of us and thankfully we can make it at our own pace and by our rules.  The transgender spectrum is wide and there is a place for all that do not see themselves in the binary.  

Self doubt is a common trait but don't let it get under your skin.  Maybe you don't know quite yet where this journey will take you and that's alright.  Slow and steady is the best way.   

Please join in the conversation when you are able.  We'd love to hear more from you.

Jani

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, SilentRevolt.  Please continue to ask questions and comment wherever you like.  We will do our best to provide guidance and the best answers we can.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Cindy Truheart]

Hi silentrevolt,

I know what you mean about doubt. Like many of us, I sometimes doubt. When I start to doubt, I pull up a memory or two that remind me of who I am. I remember the situation I was in, how I felt, and how I was so confused back then. Then I apply the knowledge I have gained in learning who I am and suddenly that memory is explained to me all over again. I can see how the definition of transgender and specifically trans-feminine fits me like no other explanation has. That is how I reassure myself, that is how I silence the doubt.

Welcome to Laura's, I am very happy to meet you! And remember, we are always here for each other.

[gennee]

A hearty welcome to Laura's, Silentrevolt. Thank you for sharing. Keep doing what your doing and be you.

 

[tracy_j]

Hi Silentrevolt.

Welcome

Doubting oneself seems to come with the territory. Don't worry, just accept yourself.

As time goes on you will become more confident and more readily cope with things.

Tracy x