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emilya s

hoped i will never have to post this ever again

11 posts in this topic

i hoped i will never have to post such a post ever again i ever created emilya s account as a new page symbolism but hey life throws things you cant foresee your way

before i drop the bomb i am gona say im now 2 months on hrt and am happy with the results so far but thats also why i didnt see what happend lately coming from a mile away

i believed that once i will start hrt my dysphoria and therefore my depression would go away. dysphoria went away. depression didnt

about 6 weeks ago out of the blue my mood went from 100% to 0% i was depressed beyond anything i ever experienced in the past. it was so bad i felt it on my body with cold chills sweats panic attacks and other symtpoms at some point i started self harming and i knew its bad enofgh that i have to go to the hospital. so i called an urgent meeting with my psychologist and told her whats going on she called my endocrinologist to make sure its not the testosterone blocker causing this depressive episode and we decided to cut the dose to half and test it for 5 days and if by 5 days its not helping i definitely need to go to the hospital. it didnt help and i did go. i was hospitalised in psychiatric emergency unit for the upcoming 2 weeks. during these 2 weeks i had experienced a traumatic experience by one of the staff and following that i felt i need to get out of there and go to day treatment... so now im in day treatment going home every afternoon but i still feel like i discharged myself from the emergency unit too soon and am still not out of danger zone but at least im working with a team more willing to help me now

 

im no longer sure its depression but might be bipolar disorder as some days i show clear signs of bipolar like being overproductive and full of energy and racing with things starting projects and not finishing them and already creating new ones. fast speech and some other days im just like i cant deal with projects right now and i dont want to see people and i just leave the program for like 2 weeks

so i might be bipolar and not depressed as it is

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My youngest daughter and her mother are both Bi-polar, one is rapid cycle with the manic phase lasting a few days and then going through a depressive phase as rapidly, and maybe (over 35 years) having several months in a "neutral" phase when she has almost no feeling changes.  The other one runs on about a 4 to six month cycle with almost no "neutral" phase.  Medication can control things well once the correct dose is established, but it does take several months to become fully effective.  There is no shame in having the condition and it will not automatically keep you from getting further treatment for your GD.  Another friend of mine who is BP just had her bottom surgery and is doing well but we are keeping an eye on her at her request.  I am actually happy for you that you have discovered what the problem is and you are facing it head on.

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Sorry that you had an incident in the hospital.  That should never happen.  Hopefully you are working closely with your doctor.  I would certainly mention your mood swings and anxiety.  Please take care of yourself.  Go to chat here or otherwise reach out to your health care system. We are all behind you here and certainly want you to get back on track.

 

Big Hugs,

 

Charlize

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i didnt say its sure i have bipolar. only said i suspect and yea charlize i locked the doors to my hospital room bathroom no matter what since then.went in there for a depressive episode with self harm behavior and they messed me up even more

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update : spoke to my psychiatrist few days ago and mentioned the actual symptoms of mania i have and she admitted it does sound like a milder form of mania [hypomania] and we spoke about it for a bit longer and the conversation ended with no actual diagnosis plan being made beetween us so today i asked her if we actualy have a plan how to diagnose me or not with bipolar 2 and she dropped a bomb that she spoke with the emergency unit i was hospitalised in for 2 weeks and they already made a partial diagnosis for bipolar 2 when i was there without me knowing [wut] and she actualy has to continue writing the diagnosis so i guess i am probably bipolar in their books

this answers a lot of questions i had as to my behavior

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On 3/24/2017 at 8:50 AM, VickySGV said:

Medication can control things well once the correct dose is established, but it does take several months to become fully effectiveThere is no shame in having the condition and it will not automatically keep you from getting further treatment for your GD.

I am actually very happy that you and your therapist are on the track.  What I said above stands as to GD.  Work carefully with your medical care team, and it will be a team, and your life will be in better control for all of you.

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im somewhat struggling a lot to deal with everything that is going on but i guess i got a medical team and friends to look after me

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Thanks for posting dear.  Sorry to hear that it is a struggle but i am certainly glad to hear you have help!.  With time i hope things work out and you find peace with your situation.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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im better now still got my struggles and bad and good times but the bad times are less noticeable as we found some meds that work for me in a combination. diagnosis is made and well i am bipolar

im being discharged from partial hospitalisation in about 3 weeks and i will go about doing some volunteering.. do some good for my heart and others

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I am glad that you and your medical care team now know how to deal with your condition so that you can lead a more healthy and fulfilling life.  Do take care, both with the meds and be sure to trust your caregivers about them. 

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It sounds like thing are working out for you.

Hopefully it will only get better!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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