Finding Trans Friendy Meetings

[Guest cerise]

As posted before , I have started attending LGBT meetings in Vancouver and revealing that I am Trans in these meetings.

Yesterday's was down off Davies street which historically has been the LGBTQ Neighbourhood for the last 20 or so years. Ironically it is the street where I met an old friend from my home town and bought my first lot of LSD. Back then it was more of a neighbourhood at night famous for hookers and pornography stores. Enough of the fond memories.

As the meeting was primarily men and my instinct was to leave before it started as I like a balanced meeting. I stayed as I had gotten free parking a block away and was still shaking my head why I hadn't done that when I was going to the trans support group having pumped the meter before with 5 dollars for 2 hours.

Swallowing my simmering social anxiety I stayed. 

A few women showed up and the vibe was friendly.

i am glad I stayed as when the sharing started it was very good and few who spoke had any time at all. The shares were raw and heart felt and from my senses very real . In short the kind of meeting I like and love. I had facilitated a beginners meeting with aa few others for my 3 years before it was shut down due to finances and that's what I need. Gritty front line meetings.

i did get to share and kept it short to about 3 minutes keeping to the topics of 1.,2 and 3. Like I said helping people through step 3 is what I can bring to AA as I am not a "recovering catholic " and have nothing to unlearn. If I am anything I am an Abrahamist . (You can figure that one out )

I came out as trans during the share so there would be no secrets and I was well recieved by the mostly gay attendees. If there was another trans person there I did not sense it. It was a good meeting and a good experinence and I would go back mostly because it's a very good AA meeting with the kind of sharing that kept me sober in those early years which are the hard ones.

Along with being a mild depressive I also enjoy selective social anxiety so I left the meeting with a few nods and thank yous. I went back after getting a coffee across the street as its at the Qmunity HQ and it was my intention to inquire about joining and stepping up to facilitate the Trans Support group I was attending before it was put on hiatus . I will have to phone during the week.

i saw a few of the Aas outside and they were very friendly so I know I was accepted which is is, in the end, all we want:)

[VickySGV]

While not an AA meeting, I found myself in a good group hug with four gay men that I know are also recovering addicts / alcoholics who accept me as Trans*.  When we share on the common ground of recovery, the fact that we have found ourselves on the margins of society for much of our lives in ways beyond just addiction is a bonding element that makes us able to understand each other and our struggles outside Third Tradition that can help us in recovery.

[Guest cerise]

In a lot of ways the LGB community loosened the mortar of sexual intolerance to allow us to find acceptance.

i just got back from being with my sponsor of 7plus years for 2 hours.

We met for coffee on my request and I told him everything including my progress with HRT. He did not know before of anything to do with this. It was all good and he's still my sponsor and I am so happy about that. I was pretty sure that it would turn out well. 

He told me he would have been offended if I didn't want him to stay on as my sponsor. I had to bring him up to date on a few terms and was more concerned about my health in regards to the hrt. I reassured him that it was the mental well being that is the reason I want to continue with the therapy.

We went to our Alanon meeting together and I drove him to his transit stop as per usual and he invited me back his cake at the first home group I had.

so far so good with this and I am feeling lighter by the day.

l

[Charlize]

Thank you for sharing Cerise and Vicky.  The gay community and  gay bars were the first place i felt able to be myself for  any time in public.  I was not necessarily understood but i wasn't mocked (for the most part) either.  I remember in one bar having a long conversation with a gay man about my feelings about gender.  He was simply trying to understand and at the time that conversation helped me to better understand myself.  I had never met another trans* person and while drag queens were fun to be with we didn't seem to share something that i didn't yet comprehend.

The GLBTQ meeting i now attend is much the same at this point.  I am well accepted and feel loved.  Some have made a sincere effort to understand.  In that setting where honesty and openness is so important to recovery i do my best to be open and vulnerable which i hope has helped others who struggle with their disease as well as self acceptance.

My first sponsor took several years before he could use my name or correct pronouns.  Fortunately i had left him and have the help of a wonderful man who was the first member of my home group to see me as myself.  He accepted me and we had tea in his home with his wife and children.

The program has blessed me with some honesty as well as sobriety and hopefully i will continue to be able to pass that on as i can.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize an alcoholic

 

[Guest cerise]

Will be going to the qTrans Queer meeting again tonight but I booked my 10 year cake last night at my home group which is non designated and has a variety of types. It is a very warm meeting and even though I have been absent with gigs and hair removal appointments the girls in particular were really happy to see me, expressing the ongoing concerns of not enough make members. I didn't have the heart nor the need to tell them but it will come out as that was the first place I heard there was a trans queer meeting in Vancouver.

With attendees going to both.

As I truck along in this journey and reading your posts I am at last realizing how fortunate I am to live here.

The Brittania Centre where tonight's meeting is held also is equipped with trans designated washrooms. I know have something to look forward to almost every day of the work week.

?

[Guest cerise]

It's been enlightening as I am learning that with my aa recovery its looks like it's the demographic that is what counts for me rather than the titles and being out so to speak. The most important thing for me is being in the solution and and the messages. Thus like in the wizard of Oz there's no place like home or theres no place like my home group and I already have that so I will be staying there or returning there as I had already found my peeps. Over in in my west side , mostly old, some new and some in between, hetro and who knows waspy and recovering catholic type meeting.

More growth for me but not what I expected as per usual. 

[Charlize]

I wish we had a thumbs up icon.  I love my home group which is made of of all types of folks.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

[thtufus]

Me too.  I absolutely love my home group.  I joined because the people were so involved in every kind of service work, but I soon learned that I don't need to feel different there.  We are all the same.  We all are here for the same reason.  Nobody shows particular attention to my being intersex or having been assigned a different sex at birth to the one I prefer.  We are just all the same.

I feel great about that and am involved in lots of service work. Thumbs up to my home group.

 

Thtufus

[Guest Rachel Gia]

Weekly I go to two meetings where prefered pronouns are part of the introduction and the bigger of the 2 has Trans in the title. Attending as much as possible to both the nice thing is that at these meetings I am not the only person who is Trans and at Queer Trans there are usually at least 4 to 5 of us at each meeting and it's nice to meet up on a weekly basis and know we are not alone.

The QT meeting is not exclusive attended by by LGBTQ people as there are more than a few (from what I can tell) from the straight side of AA and NA. This is possibly a result of the time and location plus it is way looser than a standard AA meeting and the references to God in text have been replaced by higher power. Although it is mostly an AA meeting , outside issues are reserved to what have been historically outside issues, ie religion, politics and alcohol and drug reform, making both meetings safe to discuss any mental illness or other drug issues.

in short it states "Primary Purpose" not only purpose.

I digress and I need to get ready for my home group tonight which is still the same home group I have had for at least three years. FYi , it is not a blue card meeting either.

Love to you all CR

 

[Charlize]

I was at my home group as well last night.  It is a straight cis gendered group but as it is in a quite liberal area there are a large number of gay folks there as well as the straight folks.  Other substances come up as in our generation so many have used both either with one another or before alcohol became our drug of choice.  The old school of only ever mentioning problems with alcohol has passed on.  While alcohol is certainly viewed as our "primary" problem other addictions are welcome and i've never heard anyone put off for mentioning a drug as i did early in sobriety.  

I am almost always the only trans person there.  Last night before the meeting i had a long conversation with a lovely man i hadn't met before who it turned out was the speaker.  In it we got into a discussion of trans* issues.  He admitted he didn't understand trans folks.  Turns out i was the first trans person he had spoken with.  it is wonderful how the rooms allow for honest discussions that would never happen outside.  Hopefully he left with a greater acceptance of the fact that we are simply other humans.  Some of us are alcoholics and some not but we are all living as ourselves in a world that chooses to keep us in the shadows and tries to make us disappear.  The rooms of AA have allowed me to not climb back into that closet which hopefully helps others as it helps me.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Guest Rachel Gia]

Hi again,

i went to perhaps the largest LGBTQ meeting in Vancouver tonight !

i had been before recently but the first time was 10 years ago about the same time of year. It was quite different back then but I dumb it down a bit when I recall my experiance to someone when they introduce themselves.

i was a member of this forum back then and things were quite different in the Trans world. There was no t in the LGBTQ equation and for reasons of feeling isolated and and still nervous about coming out as Trans anywhere I never went back until 2 weeks ago. In truth it was because 2 lesbian members were somewhat hostile to me when I tried to sit in their row. I did not relate to Gay men too much and felt I might feel safer with gay women.

That encounter will be kept under my hat as there is little to be gained by relating the desert island cold shoulder that was given to Transgendered people by both straight and the LGB comunity in those times. Its one big happy family now but I would say that the inclusion is moreso in the younger demographic with the 40 something's and older still keeping their gaurd up to certain extent.

The best thing I can do though in light of this is to present myself in a friendly and unashamed manner and also too be as gracious as possible in both the straight and gay communities of AA.

It seems to be working:))

Much Love 

CR

Edited September 1, 2017 by Rachel Gia
Correct typo

[Charlize]

Cerise,

I have experienced much the same reception and seen welcome changes in the GLBTQ community over the years.  The meeting i attend virtually every Friday was a GLB meeting when i started going there over 7 years ago.  I went as myself and was very early in my transition and relatively new to sobriety.  I had been to gay bars when drinking and knew i'd receive a relatively cold shoulder.  I also hoped that i wouldn't be outwardly rejected.  Both proved true but at the same time i was happy to have found a place where sobriety was paramount and i could be myself with others in a sober environment.  The meeting was GLB as i mentioned but about 3 years ago there was a business meeting in which all present decided to add a T and a Q.  Tonight when i attend the meeting i will get kisses from many of the gay guys and hugs from both them and any lesbians attending.  Even better today we have other trans folks attending bot MTF and FTM.  One meeting i was amazed as the numbers were almost equal.

 As you said simply being myself, honestly and soberly seems to open doors wide that were once only slightly cracked.  The program of AA has provided me much more than sobriety as if that wasn't enough.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize