Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

to tell or not to tell


Rayne

Recommended Posts

My first psychologist's appointment is tomorrow, which I'm really excited about. I've waited a long time for it. 

The thing I want to ask about though is whether I need or should tell him about my history of self harm. On the one hand, I do think it's always been related to gender and body issues, starting when I was a child, and at some points in the past it's been pretty serious (in a physical sense). But on the other hand, I haven't done anything for about a year now. I still think about it at certain times (e.g. monthly) but it's not generally a huge urgent issue for me now. I'm worried that if I tell him he'll jump to all kinds of wrong conclusions because people tend to see it as the major thing, when you tell them, even when it's not. 

Do you all think it's okay to just not say it... or to say no if he asks?

Thanks, Rayne

Link to comment
  • Admin

Be fully honest with your therapist.  Self harm, addiction, depression and other nasty stuff are part of being Trans* and it will not keep you from future needed medical help at all.  I was a less than one year recovering alcohol / pill abuser when I was given a referral to Hormone Replacement Therapy by my addiction medicine counselor who used me to get experience in Gender related therapy.  As you see from my signature, I am post GCS, so you can get a picture there.  Let the counselor know that you have been clean on the SH as long as you have and let them know what part your GD played in it, if you have an idea.  The counselor is NOT there to keep you from getting other gender help, but to see that WHEN YOU GET IT you will be in good mental health and not going to really screw you life up with it.  You may get HRT even before you have fully resolved some of the issues as well. 

Link to comment

I agree with Vicky, I'd say tell them the truth. If you say that you used to struggle with it but have it reasonably under-control now and want to focus more on..(whatever you want to get out of ur therapy) then they'll probably be happy with that. They may want to delve a bit deeper into the SH stuff but overall telling them will probably just help them get a better understanding of you, your life and the influence gender issues has had for you. :) 

Goodluck with your appointment!! :D Tell us how it goes. :)

-Alex :) 

Link to comment

well I told him. The way the conversation developed, I would have had to actually lie about a whole recent major life event in order to ignore it and I didn't feel like I should do that. 

I'm not sure if it went well. He's gay, which I like, and he was easy to talk to. We didn't talk about gender though. He said he wanted to get to know me first, which sounds reasonable but he made a big deal of my unexplained anxiety earlier this year (which has stopped now but was mentioned in the GP's referral) and also the seriousness of my SH, and my family, plus he noticed I was getting spacey... all of which are things I keep private. I just want a prescription, why is all of this necessary? 

I can't see him again for 5 weeks so blah... back to waiting for nothing. 

Link to comment
  • Admin
9 hours ago, Rayne said:

I can't see him again for 5 weeks so blah... back to waiting for nothing. 

I was 6 months into recovery from alcohol abuse at age 61 before my therapist and I got a good talk about my GD, but by then the other baloney was out of the way, and from there it was a matter of a week.  This was not "for nothing" it was a start on the right track they way you tell it, but we do not rush into gender transition or HRT.  I know those who did rush in and a number now have tombstones.

 

Link to comment

OK maybe I should trust him a little. I do know he's very experienced... and I am willing to do pretty much anything. I guess I was just a bit rattled.

Link to comment
  • Admin
47 minutes ago, Rayne said:

I guess I was just a bit rattled.

So that is what I heard here in California!!  The rattling that is!!  Transition will be hard enough by itself, no sense dragging a lot of baggage as I have found out the hard way, 

Link to comment

I agree with the idea of being open about these kind of things. Also I don't think you need to tell them in the first session in less it's an issue you need help with. I think also if you told them they could perhaps provide you with ways of dealing with those feelings if they return.

Link to comment

yep that was me Vicky, I almost literally laughed out loud to that, which is no mean feat since I'm staying at my parents' house this weekend. Thank you.

Link to comment
On 4/11/2017 at 3:25 AM, Rayne said:

We didn't talk about gender though. He said he wanted to get to know me first, which sounds reasonable but he made a big deal of my unexplained anxiety earlier this year (which has stopped now but was mentioned in the GP's referral) and also the seriousness of my SH, and my family, plus he noticed I was getting spacey... all of which are things I keep private. I just want a prescription, why is all of this necessary? 

 

I think it is because he wants to help you with all your problems not just prescribe you HRT. To do that he needs to know all about you, and your past. With my intake session, there was a lot of going over my past and such. I also got some good advice and had goals for my therapy.

For me initially it was to come out to my (ex)wife and then to figure out my gender issues. I know I've had them since I was a kid but I thought since I was called "boy" all boys wanted to be girls. It was the "big secret" of all boys in my mind, but you never said a word about it because then you got beat up. Logic is sometimes leads to the wrong conclusion....:dunno:

Yes some of this is stuff you probably have trained yourself to hide from others. It took a few sessions to open up and get used to my therapist. She later said I needed a gender therapist, and that went well since they were in the same office.

Link to comment

That makes sense Marcie. 

One of the things that worries me is that I only have six (five more) subsidised sessions with this guy. After that I wont be afford to see him again until 2018 (when I get another six). If he wants to make my whole life healthier then good for him, but the most important thing for me is that he signs off on HRT. I'm worried that he'll get sidetracked because he was acting like things are serious issues that I don't consider to be serious at all. I guess I need to tell him this and tell him what I want from the remaining five sessions. I'm not very good at that though. 

Link to comment

Rayne, that is the one thing you have to do though. One of the things I've learned (and since I work with a lot of people in medicine) is they want to hear what your concerns are. If they are not listening to you, they are not doing their jobs. If they focus on the SH, and other matters beyond your gender dysphoria, you just tell them that is not your most pressing issue at the moment (unless you gave indications otherwise elsewhere). 

Link to comment

Hhmmm....I'm told that a psychotherapist can promise a client confidentiality, but that there are exceptions to that confidentiality which must be explained to every prospective client.  Even w/o a court-order there are some crimes which must be reported to the authorities, once disclosed.  Having said that....

Any omission of relevant history (or outright lying to a therapist's inquiries/questionaire) would suggest that such a client is not genuinely interested in therapeutic benefits of counseling.  Rather, I would suspect that said client is working their own agenda for personal gain (e.g., a referral to a hormone provider, a letter recommending grs/srs, etc.).

W/ re: to gd/gid, there a a number of conditions/disorders that resemble such.  It's my understanding that a truthful history is required for a psychotherapist to be able to make an accurate/proper diagnosis.  Assuming that one is interested in feeling better about himself/herself and functioning better in society....I would think honesty is the best policy inside the counseling chamber.

 

Link to comment
8 hours ago, Tejana said:

Any omission of relevant history (or outright lying to a therapist's inquiries/questionaire) would suggest that such a client is not genuinely interested in therapeutic benefits of counseling.  Rather, I would suspect that said client is working their own agenda for personal gain (e.g., a referral to a hormone provider, a letter recommending grs/srs, etc.).

Tejana, I wouldn't be seeing a psychologist if I didn't want hormones so your description could fit me. I've had difficult times in my life but have always preferred to deal with them myself, and I still do. Anyway, I did end up telling him about my SH history because I didn't want to lie, having done enough of that for a lifetime.

 Marcie, yep, I'm hearing you :) I need to man up (can I say that here?) and be more.. I don't know, whatever it is... more adult.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Many of us went, or go to therapists because we want hormones because we assume this will solve (some of) our issues.  But we must address the core concerns since HRT in and of itself doesn't fix everything.  That's where having an honest dialogue works to our benefit.  Like many in the community I am an intensely private person but I have found my therapist to be such a wonderful person who is genuinely interested in my wellbeing and that has allowed me to open up more than I ever have. 

Jani

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 108 Guests (See full list)

    • MaeBe
    • Jet McCartney
    • April Marie
    • Abigail Genevieve
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,023
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Delaney
    Newest Member
    Delaney
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bebhar
      Bebhar
      (41 years old)
    2. caelensmom
      caelensmom
      (40 years old)
    3. Jani
      Jani
      (70 years old)
    4. Jessicapitts
      Jessicapitts
      (37 years old)
    5. klb046
      klb046
      (30 years old)
  • Posts

    • Abigail Genevieve
      People who have no understanding of transgender conditions should not be making policy for people dealing with it. Since it is such a small percentage of the population, and each individual is unique, and their circumstances are also unique, each situation needs to be worked with individually to see that the best possible solution is implemented for those involved. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      No.  You are getting stuck on one statement and pulling it out of context.   Trans kids have rights, but so do non-trans kids.  That conflict is best worked out in the individual situation. 
    • MaeBe
      I get the concept, I believe. You're trying to state that trans kids need to or should be excluded from binary gender spaces and that you acknowledge that answers to accommodate those kids may not be found through policy. I disagree with the capability of "penetration" as being the operative delimiter in the statement, however. I contest this statement is poorly chosen at best and smacks of prejudice at worst. That it perpetuates certain stereotypes, whether that was the intent or not.   Frankly, all kids should have the right to privacy in locker rooms, regardless of gender, sexuality, or anatomy. They should also have access to exercise and activities that other kids do and allow them to socialize in those activities. The more kids are othered, extracted, or barred from the typical school day the more isolated and stigmatized they become. That's not healthy for anyone, the excluded for obvious reasons and the included for others--namely they get to be the "haves" and all that entails.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Context.  Read the context.  Good grief.
    • MaeBe
      Please don't expect people to read manifold pages of fiction to understand a post.   There was a pointed statement made, and I responded to it. The statement used the term penetration, not "dissimilar anatomy causing social discomfiture", or some other reason. It was extended as a "rule" across very different social situations as well, locker and girl's bedrooms. How that term is used in most situations is to infer sexual contact, so most readers would read that and think the statement is that we "need to keep trans girl's penises out of cis girls", which reads very closely to the idea that trans people are often portrayed as sexual predators.   I understand we can't always get all of our thoughts onto the page, but this doesn't read like an under-cooked idea or a lingual short cut.
    • Ashley0616
      I shopped online in the beginning of transition. I had great success with SHEIN and Torrid!
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Have you read the rest of what I wrote?   Please read between the lines of what I said about high school.  Go over and read my Taylor story.  Put two and two together.   That is all I will say about that.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      "I feel like I lost my husband," Lois told the therapist,"I want the man I married." Dr. Smith looked at Odie, sitting there in his men's clothing, looking awkward and embarrassed. "You have him.  This is just a part of him you did not know about. Or did not face." She turned to Odie,"Did you tear my wedding dress on our wedding night?" He admitted it.  She had a whole catalog of did-you and how-could you.  Dr. Smith encouraged her to let it all out. Thirty years of marriage.  Strange makeup in the bathroom.  The kids finding women's laundry in the laundry room. There was reconciliation. "What do we do now?" Dr. Smith said they had to work that out.  Odie began wearing women's clothing when not at work.  They visited a cross-dressers' social club but it did not appeal to them.  The bed was off limits to cross dressing.  She had limits and he could respect her limits.  Visits to relatives would be with him in men's clothing.    "You have nail polish residue," a co-worker pointed out.  Sure enough, the bottom of his left pinky nail was bright pink  His boss asked him to go home and fix it.  He did.   People were talking, he was sure, because he doubted he was anywhere as thorough as he wanted to be.  It was like something in him wanted to tell everyone what he was doing, and he was sloppy.   His boss dropped off some needed paperwork on a Saturday unexpectedly and found Odie dressed in a house dress and wig.  "What?" the boss said, shook his head, and left.  None of his business.   "People are talking," Lois said. "They are asking about this," she pointed to his denim skirt. "This seems to go past or deeper than cross dressing."   "Yes.  I guess we need some counseling."  And they went.
    • April Marie
      You look wonderful!!! A rose among the roses.
    • Ashley0616
      Mine would be SHEIN as much as I have bought from them lol.
    • MaeBe
      This is the persistence in thinking of trans girls as predators and, as if, they are the only kind of predation that happens in locker rooms. This is strikingly close to the dangerous myth that anatomy corresponds with sexuality and equates to gender.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      At the same time there might be mtf boys who transitioned post-puberty who really belong on the girls' teams because they have more similarities there than with the boys, would perform at the same level, and might get injured playing with the bigger, stronger boys.   I well remember being an androgynous shrimp in gym class that I shared with seniors who played on the football team.  When PE was no longer mandatory, I was no longer in PE. They started some mixed PE classes the second semester, where we played volleyball and learned bowling and no longer mixed with those seniors, boys and girls together.
    • Timi
      Leggings and gym shorts, sweatshirt, Handker wild rag. Listening to new Taylor Swift album while strolling through the rose garden in the park. 
    • Ivy
      Grey short sleeved dress under a beige pinafore-type dress.  Black thigh highs (probably look like tights).  It was cool this morning so a light black colored sweater.  
    • Abigail Genevieve
      People love bureaucracy.  It makes everything cut and dried, black and white, and often unjust, unmerciful, wasteful and downright stupid.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...