Denial or Reality?

[Rayne]

you can put a password on a word file

[Guest cerise]

I like paper and writing implement as digital can be cut and pasted .

Plus it's not supposed to look pretty and read well.

Side notes are wonderful and in a sense a journal is a piece of art and its "un-hackable!"

[DrumbeatAlex]

Thanks Rayne! I didn't know that.  I really appreciate your input (you keep bringing up good points and things i hadnt known/considered).

 

I have similar views Cerise, the hand-written word with all the side notes and crossing out and things, provides a stronger expression and creates a different meaning than just the words themselves. I'm not quite sure what you mean by "unhackable" but if a handwritten journal is found it can be read.  which even if the full meaning isnt recieved by the reader..enough would be. :/

...I think I am more likely to write in a hand journal though..so despite the risk and maybe saying before  I wouldn't (?) I'll try a hand one and hope for the best. :/

[Rayne]

Good luck with it Alex. Let us know how it goes.

[ChickenLittle]

Hi Alex!

Your experience and worries are so similar to mine, I swear I could have written your initial post. I worry sometimes that because I don't fit the trans narrative I'm most accustomed to hearing, that I must not really be trans. Or that I'm listening to so many trans podcasts/reading so much about trans issues that I tricked myself into thinking I am? (When in reality I think I've always been drawn to that stuff because it resonated with me at a very deep level). And while I'm excited about the changes hormones could bring, some of the changes freak me the heck out!

As far as finding a therapist goes, I lucked out with mine. I've been seeing her for a few months (she's just a regular MFT) and I was terrified about coming out to her, but once I did she told me that she has trans clients and a family member who is trans and that she feels comfortable discussing/supporting me in figuring out my gender identity. So there are therapists out there who can help, even if they're not listed as "gender therapists." I have tons of experience finding therapists, so if you'd like some pointers let me know and we can get in touch. 

If you're open to it, I would really like to talk more with somebody who is feeling the same way I am and in kind of in the same questioning/confused space that I'm in, so maybe I could send you a message?  

[DrumbeatAlex]

Thanks Rayne.
I've started one now (hand-written) but haven't written in it a whole lot yet (partially coz I went away for a few days and didn't take it with me).

 

Hey ChickenLittle! I would love to talk to someone else who is experiencing similar things! Definitely send me a message if you wanna chat. 
It's cool that you share a lot of the same experiences/thoughts. It's great when you read someone elses post and connect with what they're so saying. I feel like I hadn't been exposed to a lot of trans stuff before exploring it now, so it's tricky to tell if I've been drawn to it all along or not..though I may have been based on the few trans-related things I was exposed to before questioning. Everything's just so confusing! DX

I think I've found somewhere potentially good for therapy (though I haven't looked into it fully/talked to any of the therapists there to see if they're good) but would still definitely like your input and ideas around that too.