Men's eyecontact

[Clara84]

These days when I am outside, shopping or on the street. I noticed some men's who do some "eyecontact" to me.

Some give some very insistant look. They starred at me for long seconds. When it happens I always think "damn, I don't pass well, he's looking at me because he saw that I am trans or he think I am a crossdresser" But it can also mean that he find me attractive (that's my wife opinion, but she perhaps said that to avoid hurting me). It also may be sometimes 1st option (then I must work on my make up) and sometimes 2nd option (they can be more discreet, can't they?).

It happened only with men, not with women. Today it happened 3 times. I think my passing was OK because every sales assistant gendered me correctly. When I began to transition and had no passing at all some women were also starring at me that way, now it's only men.

My actual look is like the 6 last pictures I posted.

But such insistant looks makes me feel very unconfortable. Is it just a normal thing in a female life? 

[tracy_j]

From what I understand, eye contact is something which men generally avoid. Women tend to be more open with it (open eye contact rather than staring). 

What I suspect is that, because such looks are not generally in isolation, it may be that we are unconsciously provoking such looks to some extent by looking for them, Ie we are initiating the looks. 

With time and experience (with resultant confidence) such looks either become less common or we just don't react to them. 

It may well be a lot of it is down to body language and mannerisms. 

My advice would be to avoid extended eye contact as that invites a response. I just glance and then carry on with what I am doing, just keeping a 'non obvious' eye on the person looking in case of problems.

Tracy

[Clara84]

Interesting...

I've always done some eye contact without knowing it was a woman thing. Perhaps I initiated some without noticing what I do.

For the looks I spoke I wasn't the first one who looks, I did, but I am not the one who initiate it. I know I will never know why they look at me. When it happens I lose some confidence.

[MarcieMarie12]

Whenever I make eye contact, I smile. I notice other women do this and picked up the habit. I found that guys avoid eye contact a lot of the time. WHen I do make eye contact I smile and use it as a way to judge their intentions. They usually give a polite nod and move one. THe is especially true with the neighbors, but I am a bit gregarious.

[Guest Clair Dufour]

Men always look twice at women with skirts. Also, keep in mind that one in twenty men are gay and their gaydar can most often read you. That look is often interest and a few can pass better than you can. Learn to read them and don't be afraid to talk to them as most do understand.

[Clara84]

1 hour ago, Clair Dufour said:

Men always look twice at women with skirts. Also, keep in mind that one in twenty men are gay and their gaydar can most often read you. That look is often interest and a few can pass better than you can. Learn to read them and don't be afraid to talk to them as most do understand.

I always wear skirts or dresses and I noticed it's not very common. Most of the girls nowadays wears pants but I love skirts and I feel much better and myself when I wear them so I won't stop.

I don't understand very well what you mean as English is not my main language. You mean gay people read me (that I am a trans woman) and others are "interested"? 

I have never thought about that part in the transition process because I just don't care about men. I am a lesbian and married with a woman.

Basically if I pass as female, boys will look at me as every boys like looking at the girls. (Especially when they are wearing skirts)

And if I don't pass they will look at me because it's not very common to see a trans person or they try to read me.

It happened twice that men talked to me in the street and it was both times clearly a pickup attempt. I just laughed said thank you and continue walking (thinking "if he knew?). Perhaps this is simply what other woman experienced daily. But I had never thought that it can happen to me, sounds unbelievable.

[Guest Clair Dufour]

Yes not only gay men but other lesbians and trans* people often see what most people cannot. We all look at our gender markers very much and know what to look for in other LGBT people. What I am saying is, some LGBT people can read you and smile because you pass well.

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

On 5/20/2017 at 2:12 PM, gt002 said:

But such insistant looks makes me feel very unconfortable. Is it just a normal thing in a female life? 

Pretty much, yes!
I thought the same thing at first, but now I have accepted that most are staring because I'm really tall, and tall women are rare. If you notice them looking at you, just give them a quick, polite, smile and continue on with whatever you were doing. 

[Clara84]

57 minutes ago, Clair Dufour said:

Yes not only gay men but other lesbians and trans* people often see what most people cannot. We all look at our gender markers very much and know what to look for in other LGBT people. What I am saying is, some LGBT people can read you and smile because you pass well.

You're right. I always detect trans* woman like a radar. And it doesn't mean they don't pass. They are most of the time beautiful but when I look at them I can notice something which hetero-cis-people don't.