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Rayne

less than ok

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Rayne   
Rayne

I’m not in a good place. I don’t really know what to say either. It’s too much of an effort and who really g-a-f anyway. Not very good thoughts. Thanks for letting me say this.

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tracy_j   
tracy_j

That's not good Rayne.

I always think to myself that it is better just to say something - anything, just to make a start. You have done that. We are here if you need us :) 

Tracy

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Timber Wolf   
Timber Wolf

Hi Rayne,

It feels like we're all alone in the world in our thoughts and despair sometimes, and there's no one to care. At least it does for me sometimes. But it's never been true. We are here, and we do care. Remember that, and keep reaching out.

 

Lots of love and a big hug,

Timber Wolf🐾

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Kenna Dixon   
Kenna Dixon
10 hours ago, Rayne said:

It’s too much of an effort and who really g-a-f anyway. 

Well...we do, for starters.  And so do all the people who haven't yet met you and benefited from the unique contributions you will make to this world.  

You have love to share.  Is there a gift of greater value, when it's something that seems to be in such short supply?

Of course this is a lot of effort.  But when you have struggled to reach your goal, you'll appreciate and take pride in your achievement even more.  Hurdles are made a certain height for reason.

In five years, you'll be a different person - greatly changed by what you have done and what you have learned.  It's a cycle you'll repeat all through your life.  What seems insurmountable now will have faded to nothing when you look back.

No one doubts or minimizes your feelings.  We've all been there, and we've all felt at one time or another that it's pointless to keep trying.  But with the passage of time comes hindsight and the understanding that it's not wise to make decisions based upon the mistaken belief that things will remain as they are now.

 

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Rayne   
Rayne

thank you.

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Jani423   
Jani423

Rayne we all have moments when life is a struggle.  You're no different than the rest of us.  Take comfort that the bad times don't last.   To echo the others, I care about you.

Jani

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Charlize   
Charlize

Rayne i just got back from a reunion at my high school.  When i was there i was always miserable.  I had only a few friends.  i often felt less than others.  I felt i  wasn't as smart, good looking, rich, or talented as my classmates.  That time and those feelings have passed.  That doesn't mean i'm smarter or richer but perhaps more than anything i'm learning to enjoy life as it is.  That feeling of gratitude makes up for a great deal.  Give it some time and the change will come.  Sometimes just a deep breath and a look around gives me a way of pulling myself out of the dumps.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Rayne   
Rayne

Thanks. I appreciate the posts. I just can't write, like I think that I want to but when I actually start to do it, there's nothing. I'm basically not even here. Everything is a ghost walking around in the world where I'm supposed to be. Sorry this is stupid. Thanks for the space though. 

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Charlize   
Charlize

Thank you for sharing how you feel.  When i have done that in the past it has helped me.  Perhaps the worse thing we can do is to isolate.  I takes an effort but please keep it up.  You always have space here amongst friends from around the world!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Timber Wolf   
Timber Wolf

Hi Rayne,

I've felt similarly when very depressed, where writing or talking about it, it just didn't feel like the words were in me. At such times, sometimes making myself write even though I don't always know what to write one word to the next, eventually it gets out more or less, just like your last post. Like Charlize said, keep making an effort. We will always make space for you, as much as you need. Hopefully this makes some sence to you, anyway.

I've known the empty depths of depression, but things did and do get better. Keep reaching out! We are a lifeline!

 

Lots of love and a big hug,

Timber Wolf🐾🍀🌷🌾🍄

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Rayne   
Rayne

thank you . i cant say anything but wanted you to know that i read and i'm glad place this is here. 

... still here, real

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Rayne   
Rayne

i dont know if this belongs in this thread but i figured its safer to just put it here then i can't really overstep any boundaries, right? 

i used to do life threatening self harm. i found out thats what it was called when i saw a sticker on the front of my file in the hospital - 'warning: history of life threatening self harm' and they made me wear a red wrist thing instead of clear, even tho i didn't have any allergies or anything, and some poor nurse had to watch me 24/7. anyway, i haven't done any of that for more than a year. but i'm really battling it now .. for 3 days. i can distract myself, mostly in the mornings, but the later in the day it gets the less distraction works and i don't really know what else to do. half of me is afraid that it's going to happen because it's not going away and you can only delay for so long. and i know the consequences will be bad. i hate hospital more than anything. and the other half of me wants it so bad. really a lot. 

i need a giant rock to fall on my head or something. nothing else is going to make this stop now and there are no good endings. -expletive-.

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MarcieMarie12   
MarcieMarie12

I found that being around others helped. I went to support groups, made new friends,  met with old friends. It helped me. I also had work, and my co-workers are some very good to people to work with. With that and taking each day as it comes helped me get through things. I also buried my head in Anime.  

Hugs,

Marcie

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Charlize   
Charlize

Rayne,

I would suggest that you reach out for help in the physical world.  Call your therapist (if you have one) or please go to the emergency room.  There isn't any shame in needing help.  I have found that others are there for me when i've needed them and by helping me they feel better themselves. 

Please get some help.  I know i needed it and as much as i hated reaching out i'm so glad i did.  My life has changed and so can yours.

 

Big Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Timber Wolf   
Timber Wolf

Hi Rayne,

I agree with Charlize completely. If thoughts of doing serious harm to yourself are plaguing you, I think you should seek professional help. There is nothing wrong with doing that. I care and am concerned. I want you to stick around. I know there are no magic cure all's that will make the pain end overnight, but you can chip away at it with help. Life can get better.

 

Lots of love and a big hug,

Timber Wolf🐾❤

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Rayne   
Rayne

Sorry, I honestly don't know what's wrong with me at the moment. I'm going to see my gender therapist on Tuesday (I tried to cancel but he didn't co-operate) and DoA counsellor next Friday. I'll try to be more honest with them than I usually am. 

Thanks for the support here. It really helps even if it looks like I'm ignoring everything. I'm not.

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Jani423   
Jani423

Go to your counseling meeting.  It will be ok.  We're here too.

Jani

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