New here

[Arri]

Hi husband & wife team new to this whole experience. Mtf & wife. Can we use same registration? Our pronouns are not fixed yet. I go back & forth, as we are in hidden transition. If I mess up in my own statements on pronouns will it cause issues? Not meaning to be offensive just stuck between the two. He's outwardly male more than he gets to be her. 

[tracy_j]

Hi

Hello and welcome

Just to answer your first question: It would really be best if you were to each have your own identities. You both are different people with your own identities and different questions you will find you need to discuss (either here or elsewhere). On the one hand it would be difficult for people here to know exactly who they were talking too, and on the other you are both individuals with your own view of things. Some of the confusion you are now finding would clear better with more defined identities.

THere have been (and I think still are) couples here who have their own registrations. As such, both they and the rest of the members handle things better. A Mtf (or Ftm etc) often have difficulty identifying themselves and their position in society. I think you will understand when I say that combining a registration would be less than helpful. Obviously the best way though is to be open with each other as to what your questions and concerns about each other are.

It is perhaps early to give specific information on pronoun issues, but feel free to read people's experiences here. I would also say that being outwardly male does not mean that someone is feeling male. It would be good to discuss your fears between yourselves, but please both explore here and ask about anything you don't understand. They are people's experiences and opinions.

Don't be worried about being offensive, just be communicative, empathetic, and caring. It is about living together / in society - not being afraid to speak.

As an addition I should refer you to the Forum rules (see 'community rules' tab toward top of page). Most things are common sense but they help if you are uncertain.

I hope it helps

Tracy

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Arri.  Tracy is exactly right; you should each have your own registration and identity on these forums.

I think its great that you both want to be here.  We do have a forum for spouses and significant others, but you are both welcome to post in any forum.  The more you participate, the more you'll benefit. 

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Arri]

Thanks I just created each of us our own. Arri is wife. Arri2 mtf. Or wife 2. Lol hope that helps us all. 

[Arri]

Ok so I have spent a couple days looking over some of these conversations. Wow I really thought I was more alone in all this, cool to see I'm not. We got married when we were 19 & 21, just babies really, we were lucky to just have naturally fit & become best friends. 

I knew almost from the beginning about a preference for panties, we wore matching ones a lot. At first only at home or when it was safe, the rest of the time typical guy underwear. 

Then 10 years ago after crohn's caused a perforated bowel, & a emergency surgery, we were celebrating still being alive and she told me that she was a cd & possible bi. Gulp. Ok. Where does that leave me? That one took awhile not gonna lie about a year where we were together but disconnected. I was raised in church, there were a lot of beliefs I needed to figure out my truth in them. It's crazy how when you're faced with stuff it's totally different than when you just exist in the little bubble of well it's not me, so I don't really care. Anyway. I got through all that mental mess, & we reconnected in strength & managed to become even closer. 

I help her with her makeup, help her with her toenails, her clothes. We managed to create a code when shopping so I can pick up exactly what catches her eye. Luckily we have the same taste so it's easier for us. We have 2 kids a teen girl who knows & a preteen boy who doesn't yet know. Our girl took it so well & accepting that it really surprised us both. The boy is going to be a different story as of yet. He makes comments about how can anyone be so dumb as to not know what they are, gotta love the news for putting it out there for negative people to shred. So we are working on his understanding & he will know when we can better predict his response. Anyway. As I was reading I came across the definition between cd & transgender. And literally a light went off in my head she's mtf transgender. So I told her this is what fits, and then I helped pick her name Arri, I told her instead of just finding clothes let's create a look for Arri. A wardrobe. A specific makeup look. So once we were on the same page life became way easier for me to deal with. She is female presenting male 90% of the time, so I help do tiny touches of feminine so something feels true on her at all times. We are seeing a therapist that helps us both find our roadmap of where the future is taking us. For us for now it's as much as we can do quietly & hidden. No surgery, & hormones are on hold until she has to have them. Fear of sharing with a dr is holding her back.  

So that's us. 

Arri. 

[Charlize]

Thank you for your post.  it sounds you and your spouse are finding a path towards acceptance.  i'm glad to see that your taking time.  I know it took my wife a long time to accept the changes.  It took me a long time as well to adjust and find myself after years of denial.  A great deal of male remains.  i'm certainly not a soft super feminine woman but that's ok as well.  Simply being honest and open with each other has deepened our relationship.  

I'm still a bit confused.  You helped her pick a name...."Arri" and yet you sign the post with Arri.  If you have the same name it may be difficult if she ever gets a drivers license?

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Arri]

I just have that name for on here. Getting used to seeing it. If she decides to get on here herself she is Arri2. I was going to just do one for both of us, but then had to switch to separate so that was just how I did it. 

[VickySGV]

12 minutes ago, Arri said:

I was going to just do one for both of us, but then had to switch to separate so that was just how I did it. 

It is far better for each of you to have separate names, and if you would like to change your name here, just notify one of the Admins via PM as to what it would be and they will do help you to do it.  It is against the rules to share an account and it allows both of you to get the best from your time here, since each of you see this from different POV.

[MarcieMarie12]

Welcome to Laura's Arri!

Hugs,

Marcie

[gennee]

Hello Arri and welcome to Laura's. It's wonderful when one has an accepting spouse. I am blessed to have one also.