Marriage And Being Transgendered

[Guest NickSister]

Something I have observed during my hunt of the internet was that it is commonly suggested that transgendered mtf's get married and have a family as part of their self denial, to prove their manliness or 'normalness'. It is usually presented in the tone of "some transexuals in an effort to prove their masculinity actually get married and have children! shock, horror, sad tragedy, oh my god..."

Maybe this applies to some. But personally I think it is ridiculous to suggest that this applies to all transgendered that get married. Maybe in the past people were under more pressure to get married, or maybe this is true for some parts of the world. Personally I married for love. I had a child because I wanted a child. What is wrong with a transexual getting married anyway (apart from the obvious breakdown of marriages once the individual in question comes out...)?

Anyone have any thoughts on the topic? Anyone get the same impression as I have?

[pennyjane]

hi nick. i think i see it pretty much as you do. i've been married for 27 years to the woman of my dreams. i've also had hbs the whole time. though we didn't know the term, hbs, we knew what and who i was and we have managed quite well thank you. like you, we married for love. end of story. lotsa love and hope, pj

[Guest elenag]

Anyone have any thoughts on the topic? Anyone get the same impression as I have?

I didn't get married to prove to myself I was male because at the time I had other ways to do that by being angry, competitive, and excessively argumentative. I'm pretty mellow these days and I like that.

I got married because I was lonely, and that's pretty much it. At age 29, she was my first girlfriend of any kind. Prior to her, I had only 1 date that went no where. I had zero relationship experience and no idea what I was getting myself into when I got married.

I did have denial of being TS, but I wouldn't try to point to my marriage as evidence of that. My denial always appeared in the form of thinking of myself as suffering some psychological problem and assuming it would go away with time. I think it's strange to believe denial is automatically the reason a TS person marries. I would ask those who think that: why should I be exempt from participating in life just because I'm TS?

I think there's a hidden assumption in that observation that we're not the same as other people, and that everything we do is motivated or influenced by being TS. I don't like that assumption. I'm the same as anyone else. Human.

[Guest Nicodeme]

Like with anything, there are exceptions, two of which have already cited their own experience.

However, there is some truth to the assertion. (Pre-everything) Transwomen do get married to ciswomen, or transmen to cismen, as a response to being trans. But it isn't so much a maneuver pulled by trans people to prove that they are or can be men or women, so much as a deluded attempt at getting a "cure" for their transsexualism. A transwoman who hasn't come out or started transitioning yet may marry a ciswoman because that's "what men do" and she thinks that the right woman will make her stop identifying as a woman (of any sexuality) and start identifying as a straight man. A transman may marry a cisman because that's "what women do" and he thinks marrying a man will in a way put him in and teach him his place as a "woman." On a similar note, some may marry purely for love but keep their transsexualism secret for fear of rejection and in the hopes that this love will cure them.

Problem with that is...it doesn't work. The only cure is transition and even the most perfect person can't turn you. Which is no doubt why there's a subforum for SOs here.

[Guest julia_d]

"married.. the proof of......"

hahaha.. proof of nothing other than holding a bit of paper saying that you are.

[Guest Evan_J]

Like with anything, there are exceptions, two of which have already cited their own experience.

However, there is some truth to the assertion. (Pre-everything) Transwomen do get married to ciswomen, or transmen to cismen, as a response to being trans. But it isn't so much a maneuver pulled by trans people to prove that they are or can be men or women, so much as a deluded attempt at getting a "cure" for their transsexualism. A transwoman who hasn't come out or started transitioning yet may marry a ciswoman because that's "what men do" and she thinks that the right woman will make her stop identifying as a woman (of any sexuality) and start identifying as a straight man. A transman may marry a cisman because that's "what women do" and he thinks marrying a man will in a way put him in and teach him his place as a "woman." On a similar note, some may marry purely for love but keep their transsexualism secret for fear of rejection and in the hopes that this love will cure them.

Problem with that is...it doesn't work. The only cure is transition and even the most perfect person can't turn you. Which is no doubt why there's a subforum for SOs here.

Bro? Not sure you're reachin the audience you were aimin for. The poster above you posted in 2007. Could be if a marriage thread is the topic you need to give voice on that maybe a new one should be started?

That and you got Julia all riled up

Just a suggestion.