May get my feet wet..

[Mia Bunn]

For lack of ears to speak to on this topic I figured Id write about it here. It will also help me get these thoughts out of my head and into something tangible. 

I've come to an epiphany this year that I may be trans and since have been un-able to dismiss it. Each night I'd look into it more and more. I'd find blog after blog and read it. In the middle of all this I keep thinking "This is a really big deal, your doing fine why go through all this trouble?". Truthfully I'm starting to think I'm really not fine, every moment that I'm not distracted by life my mind goes to this. I've reached a point where I'm trying to convince myself I'm not trans, that this is just some wild phase I've entered. 

What I've concluded is that I owe it myself to spend some time as a female, see if I feel any more or less than what I am now.  A perfect opportunity to do so is approaching in a few weeks and Ive been preparing. I  often go to pop culture conventions and one of them is coming up, Ill spend a weekend their with my boyfriend (who knows full well of my current crisis) as a female. Ive been to them enough to know that it is a very diverse and accepting crowd... I will also be far from home, so given this doesn't feel right to me it isn't like I'm outing myself.

Essentially what I'd like to ask is if this is a smart play? Has anyone else done something similar to come to terms with their gender?

I'm heavily considering this. I have already purchased a couple of outfits that look nice on me, I'm slowly but surly getting familiar with make-up.. In my car I've kept the radio off to practice my voice by reading signs and talking to myself..

I do realize that seeing a therapist may be way more convenient but the thought of talking to a complete stranger about this scares me.. 

 

 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Mia,

First, this sounds so much like I was at first. At first, I tried to find proof that I wasn't trans. I couldn't find it. I finally got to the point I had to give up and concede.

Where therapists are concerned, being afraid of talking to a stranger about this is ok. The first thing they will likely do is just talk so you can get to know each other and not be strangers. They'll detect your unease, and they're skilled at working through that. They're there to help you, and in no time at all they'll probably have you talking about it with ease. I know it's scary, but trust me, there are many frightening things ahead. But with the support you are finding now, you will be able to do things you never thought you'd have the courage to do. In spite of all the fright and scaryness however, I've found the relief outweighs the fear. Don't allow fear to stop you. 

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Charlize]

I think that is a fine idea Mia.  I did similar things to find out if i could be comfortable in society as a woman.  Did it feel right?  In my case i took relatively short trips into the world but the idea of a week or so sounds wonderful.  Depending on how that goes, or maybe regardless, therapy is a great next step.  As hard as it is being open an honest with others helps a great deal even if it is a struggle.  You've already made some great steps towards self discovery.  Sharing here helped me a few years back.  This journey is different for all of us but hopefully knowing your not alone will make it easier to accept what you find.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[MarcieMarie12]

I know many transwomen and cross dressers that start out that way (go out of town to go out presenting female) to avoid coming out before they are ready or to their wives. Usually they make part of their business trips.

Have fun on your trip. If you are worried about bathrooms on the way, Star bucks is usually single stall as are Subway's (at least around here in DC). 

[Cindy Truheart]

This is kind of like what I did as well, but mine were short day trips to a town about an hour away. It was scary at first, especially being clocked because I hadn't worked on my voice yet! So you are ahead of the game if you ask me. Don't try to convince yourself that you are wrong about this, just try things and see how they feel. If you don't like it, don't do it. And if you do like it, I dare say that you won't be able to stop doing it, at least that has been my experience! But trying to deny who you are gets you nowhere and turns you into a miserable person. I speak from personal experience. Trust me, you'll be happier and everyone around you will be happier! Best of luck with the event!

Love and Light!