Sometimes I just want to feel Pretty

[NancyBalik]

This morning I was going through some papers and I found an article that I had printed out a couple years ago by professor, writer, and poetry critic Stephen Burt titled "My Life As a Girl."  It is an essay about his crossdressing and sometimes "just wanting to feel pretty."  I related to (not everything, but) so much of what he said.  One difference is that he does not wish that he was a woman (I do), but he clearly recognizes that he falls into the wide category of gender dysphoria.  He is quite open about this--much more open than me.  I recommend the essay.  I'm glad that I re-read it today.  I found it thought-provoking and validating.  It can be found here:  http://www.vqronline.org/essay/my-life-girl

Sometimes I find myself staring at a pretty dress or top or complete outfit or cute hairdo or well-done makeup and thinking how much I'd like to wear that, have that, be the woman wearing that, etc.  I like looking at pretty clothes in magazines, online, and in stores, and I love wearing pretty things.  I'm interested in what others think about this essay.  Nancy

[SugarMagnolia]

It's a very interesting essay, Nancy. Thanks for sharing it.

Many of the feelings are ones that resonate quite strongly with me: feeling isolated in those teenage mixed groups of girls and boys flirting with one another; wanting for so long to be not a different person, but to be different; and finally accepting that I'm trans, but not quite fitting the canonical version of it that everyone knows. 

The idea of "covering" and openness were also interesting. That's an area that I'm working on being more comfortable with and it's always strengthening to read about people doing it and thriving.

I like poetry, but rarely read it. I did find the snippets of poetry included in the essay to be quite meaningful and moving. I found the lines below poignant. Perhaps I'll take a look at some of those authors. Thanks!

I’d like to thank the seeds,
all the seeds that turned into trees
after everyone said they’d never grow.

[NancyBalik]

SugarM, I thought I'd generate more interest on this article, but maybe it did not resonate for others!?!?!?  Thanks for your comments.  We all seem to have taken somewhat different, but strangely parallel paths in our gender struggles/discoveries.  Like Burt mentions in the essay, I also found Jenny Boylan's book to be fascinating, and that book really helped me realize that some of my confusion (and anger) was gender dysphoria.  Jenny is braver than me and has a vastly different life (and wife), as does Burt.  It just helps me to read about others!!!! Nancy

[SugarMagnolia]

As it turns out, my mom, who I just came out to recently, was acquainted with Jenny before her transition. My mom's takeaway was that she was much less snarky as a woman. :-)

I agree with you though that Jenny's book is a great read and I got a lot out of it.

[Jani]

I don't know Jenny but I do know a fair amount of guys and yes they can be snarky!   Admittedly now I do think longer before I open my mouth. (yes I was a snarky one)  I enjoyed her book as it paralleled my life in so many ways, except I still can't play keyboards well.  

Nancy, I found the article you posted to be interesting.   It is interesting that as you note he sees there is a wide array of gender dysphoria, and therefore expression.  We are all on a journey that has been well travelled by others before us, yet is deeply personal to us.  

I'm glad you found Burt's thoughts to be thought provoking and validating.  Validation makes us feel good about ourselves and thought provoking drives us to explore and question more.  You're on the right track!

Jani