Maybe I should say "hi" from time to time

[Guest Edu]

Hi!

I haven't posted since February... February 2016 to be accurate! So I thought it'd be nice to try and share some update. It's been a while, so although I'll try to stick to only the big things this is likely to get quite long.

As some of you know, during the last months of 2015 I went through an anxiety / depression crisis, to the point I had to get a leave from work and got into antidepressants and tranquilizers. Going back to work happened gradually (abusing a bit from the fact that I had plenty of vacation days left for 2015), and didn't have to work an entire week straight until early February. To be honest, the return to that office halted, and even started reverting my recovery. The drugs did their job at mitigating the problem, but the work environment was even worse than before the crisis, which didn't help. I kept struggling with all that for some months, until in July (2016) the company decided to fire me. Which is actually good news: had I quit (which was the advise from my therapist and even some friends) I would have been stuck without any income until getting another job; but since I got fired (and I had been paying quite some taxes for over six years) I was entitled to up to two years of unemployment subsidy.

Although a lot of stuff has happened (some details later), and progress hasn't been as fast as I'd like, I've taken the chance to focus on other projects. Currently, I'm involved in two main projects I expect to become steady sources of income reasonably soon. The first one is about software development, can't give much details due to a NDA; just say that we are aiming to solve a problem that is rather obvious (and several related, smaller problems) that nobody has really attempted to solve thus far. The other project is my blog about the wargammes hobby (it includes some battle reports, lots of painting and modeling tutorials, and may include stuff such as game reviews and articles about tactics and strategy in the future): I have been working for a few months in building up some solid readership (and getting a presence on social media), and plan to start monetizing it soon (via advertising and Patreon mostly, although selling hand made scenery is a possibility I'm also pondering). The boring part: there are lots of tax-related regulations and rules that have to be followed to avoid problems, but I'm already figuring most things out.

So, free from the chains of a job I had come to hate, my mental health has steadily improved since I was fired. The use of tranquilizers has been dropping (had become something less regular and more sporadic by Feb - Mar 2016), and I ended the antidepressant treatment by January this year. I still keep some diazepam in my purse for extreme situations, but I have used it like twice or thrice throughout 2017, at most. I do have a stock of several infusion herbs (including relaxing stuff such as valerian and linden) that I use somewhat often; but when compared with the meds I was on, these are quite soft stuff. And even healthier than any sugared drink.

Also, during summer 2016 I started some paperwork to get my legal documents updated (there is a suspicious correlation between me notifying the company I'd be doing the legal name and sex change and my firing, but suing wouldn't have been worth the effort... after all, I wanted to get out of there!). The first and most important documents to update (in Spain) are the birth certificate or the entry in the "Registro Civil" and the national ID card, which I got on July and October, respectively (could have had my ID a bit faster, but also wanted to get my address updated). Bank accounts and my CatSalut card (the Catalan public health service) followed soon after, and then some other stuff (it's like it never ends: change one thing and find another two were the old name still shows up).

Into something else. Early this year (late Jan or early Feb) a friend introduced me a "lesbian" friend of his... it's not the first time he's tried to set me up with someone, but last time it was with a gay guy, so it's some progress... anyway... "she" had a rather butch / masculine presentation (and by the use of the "quotes" you may be guessing already where this is going). We had a nice lunch and then some gaming at our friend's home; later we split up and I searched that person on Facebook. I noticed the use of the neutral-pronoun option on that site, so I asked that person which pronouns / forms would be preferred... Turned out he described himself as "more guy than girl", and had pondered transitioning a few times, but was held back by horror stories about some of the trans-related health services in Catalunya. Finding out through me that there is an alternative (still with full medical supervision, fully legal, and covered within our public health system) made he ponder again, and by early April he made his choice to transition, came out to friends and family, then came out on facebook, then started on T.

An incise: when we first met, I didn't feel any attraction, at least in the physical aspect, but once I started seeing him as a guy that quite changed  I'm quite sure I'm still pansexual and panromantic (although tend to filter out cis hetero men on dating sites due to the vast amount of sex-obsessed dudes on those places). Quite weird, I still don't know how and why that changed. Not complaining, anyway, just wondering... Eventually, some 18+ stuff happened. And then happened a few more times (and may keep happening). he isn't interested in a serious relationship, but some healthy "sexperimenting" seems to be a good thing for both of us for the time being.

Also, having a trans friend (I mean someone I know in person and with whom I can meet with some regularity) was quite nice. After a long time seeing posts on facebook about trans* meetings, speeches, and other events and passing on them because I was too shy / scared to go by myself, I had a friend I could go with. This turned out being quite explosive: going to those events I started meeting more trans people, with whom to go to other events even if my friend couldn't. So now I have a growing circle of trans contacts, some of them turning into real friendships; and I'm much more involved with the community (something that became quite obvious during the Pride protests last weekend ).

To top it all, in a few weeks I'll probably be joining "Trans*forma la Salut" as a volunteer. It's a movement composed by several associations and individuals with the goal of changing completely how trans* health is handled in Catalunya, possibly also in Spain as a whole, and hopefully lead by example to improve it abroad as well. There is a health service in Catalunya (started as a volunteer work by some health professionals, only recently has become "official") that is considered far ahead of every other service in Spain and possibly Europe, but it's still a bit lacking in resources and could use some support from politicians and administrations. To summarize, there are no "gatekeepers": any adult capable of informed consent should have access to any gender reassuring treatments (mostly HRT, currently they have no resources to provide surgeries) without being regarded as mentally ill nor needing "permission" from some psychologist or psychiatrist (therapy and counseling are also offered, but not regarded as mandatory). There is a lot of work to be done: educating and informing people throughout the territory, drafting the legislative texts that will eventually be proposed to our politicians, helping trans* people to find resources, associations, and also other trans* persons, and so on; and there is a lot of space on which I could contribute.

Well, that's the most important stuff that's been going on over these sixteen months. I'll try to visit a bit more often and share updates more regularly, but I can't make any promise.

Big hugs for everyone!

PS: I think there used to be a subforum somewhere for reporting technical issues with the site, does that still exist? I have encountered a couple of issues with the new site I think admins should know.

[Dev]

Hi Edu,

Thanks for the update!  Very nice to see you again!

There was a forum for issues with the forum software that had been turned off - since it hadn't been used in years, I just got rid of it entirely.  If there are issues with things currently, feel free to send me a PM or comment with them here.

Welcome back!

 

[Guest Edu]

Well, summarizing, these are the two issues:

Although the main domain lauras-playground.com (with and without the "www" subdomain) leads to the new site, the subdomain forums.lauras-playground.com yields a DNS error "NXDOMAIN" (no DNS entry for the subdomain). While it may be difficult, or even impossible, to have all old URLs working / redirecting to the appropriate resource after such an overhaul, they should at least resolve to the site, IMO.

The other issue was with e-mail: I had to reset my password and the verification e-mail ended up in my gmail's spam folder. Looking at the headers, it seems that both SPF and DKIM checks failed. I can provide the full headers (or even the full raw email, since the password reset link has been used and is no longer valid) if it helps. It looks like the message came from a host with an IPv6 address, but the SPF record only has IPv4 entries.

(BTW, I have set up servers from scratch quite a few times, so don't be afraid to ask me about technical details )

Also, happy birthday (just noticed it by chance) (well, not just yet in your timezone, I guess, but it'll come soon enough)

[Jani]

Hello Edu.  Welcome back.  I had wondered where you had been.  I'm sorry for the troubles you've encountered but it does appear that now you are happier and doing better.   Interestingly I have friends in Catalunya, but they don't know I'm trans.  They may be back to the US for a visit at the end of summer.  I'd love to visit Barcelona.  I have my passport, all I need is the travel money!  It sounds like a beautiful place to live.  

I will agree that having trans friends is quite nice as they can relate to how you feel, and vice versa.  Volunteering is also a good way to get involved in the community.  

Jani

[MarcieMarie12]

Same here! I was wondering what my favorite Andorean (spelling?) has been up to!  Glad to hear your feeling better. I've gotten out of war machine for now, I just have not gotten thepainting bug in the lst two years. I still have the same models to paint when you were last here. I missed you!

 

Hugs! 

Marcie

 

[Guest Edu]

Reminder: I'm not actually Andorran (changed the flag some time ago due to it being closer to my national identity than what the Spanish one currently represents... and even after all this time, things haven't improved, just got further polarized).

BTW, I wanted to make a small request: if new Catalan members join the forums and I happen to miss them, could some of you drop me a line via PM or similar? Currently I'm very aware of how things are going on around here, both in terms of health services and bureaucracy, and I'm also in touch with several associations and activists, so I can actually provide pointers and guidance to all those resources (and, if someone happens to need some information I don't have, it shouldn't take me much effort to find it).

Hugs!

[MarcieMarie12]

I remember!! I just couldn't remember if it was Basque or Catalan. 

 

 

 

[Charlize]

Hi Edu and thanks for the update.  Sounds like your steaming along and living a full life.  I remember when you changed your flag here.  Best of luck with your new work as well as with other aspects of life.  Keep in touch.  It's great to know your thriving.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[tracy_j]

Nice update Edu. I am glad things are progressing.

Please keep in contact.

Tracy x