Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Surgery


Guest ZombieDracula

Recommended Posts

Guest ZombieDracula

I am non binary (genderqueer I guess is the closest term for my identity but genderfluid also fits, so I just stick with non binary). Lately I have been thinking of surgery which is a complete removal of my reproductive organs and getting closed up (I am AFAB). I do want kids with my boyfriend (we're sure we're going to be together a long time) but after that, I want it all gone. I don't like having the organs and I know I'd feel better without it. But then I don't know how my boyfriend would take it though. I have not yet talked to him about this and I don't plan to just yet because there's lots of other things going on (like me working a fairly new job and such). I just needed a place to put this down and what other greater place than Trans Pulse to do that with people that get it

~ ZD ~

Link to comment
  • Admin

Your thoughts on this one do fit very well here.  The old adage on this is "Make Haste Slowly!!".  My 3 kids were in their late 30's before my surgery even came around for consideration.  Having children does not make you a better person as I have found out the hard way.  When the time is right, share your needs and goals with your partner, and make it a dialogue along with how you will parent any children you want to have because parenting is difficult and all too many parents do not have a clue on how to do it, but do not understand that.  The result is children literally thrown away by incompetent parents.  Good luck and good planning.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hello ZD.  This is something to surely have a deep discussion about with your boyfriend.  Beyond the desire to have children, do you consider yourself asexual?  I ask because of your comment "getting closed up".  Removing the reproductive bits is common from my understanding but I'm not sure about removal or closure of the vaginal canal.  Erogenous bits may or may be not affected.  Something else to think of.  

Also, like with GRS for MtF's your surgeon may require letters recommending you for the surgery.  I found these requirements at an insurance company site, which sound like they mirror WPATH recommendations.  

Requirements for gonadectomy (hysterectomy and oophorectomy):

  1. Two referral letters from qualified mental health professionals, one in a purely evaluative role (see appendix); and
  2. Persistent, well-documented gender dysphoria; and
  3. Capacity to make a fully informed decision and to consent for treatment; and
  4. Age of majority (18 years or older); and
  5. If significant medical or mental health concerns are present, they must be reasonably well controlled.

Sounds like you have a lot to think and talk about, but you do have time.  I wish you well.  

Jani

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

I am back on site now and just want to state that I'll be replying soon! Sometime in August I tried logging in and my account wasn't  active anymore and when I tried signing up again I never got an email and tonight decided to try logging on with my new phone and it worked. So hello again and I'll post a response within a week. ?? Glad to be back. 

 

~ZD~

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I am sorry you have had problems. There have been a few adjustments and in the process a few accounts accidently got deleted. It is all sorted now, but has resulted in a few members having to sign in again.

 

Glad you are back :)

 

 

Tracy

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I'm glad you made it back.  Yes we had an issue, but it's fixed now.  We'd love to hear how life is going,

 

Jani

Link to comment

It is perfectly reasonable to both put off such changes in order to make your family happen, and to have that surgery once you are done with the usefulness of those organs.

 

My son (the younger of my 2 kids) was an infant when I figured out my trans stuff, and I feel pretty strongly that part of why the realization came together for me when it did was because I also knew I was done having biological children after my son was born. I timed my medical transition in part to accommodate his needs--I waited until he was over 3 years old to start HRT so that it didn't interfere with lactation. I had no hesitation or regrets about getting top surgery once I was done with that because those parts that were useful to me, though not always comfortable, were no longer useful. 

 

I haven't had a hysto myself, opting for less invasive uterine ablation to end my periods instead (though thanks to the Mirena IUD I didn't actually have to deal with periods for years before that except for a couple of months while actively trying to get pregnant with my son).

 

As far as your boyfriend's feelings: when in a committed relationship, family planning decisions are something best made together. That's part of a healthy committed relationship. However, once you are done having children, what you do with your body for your own comfort and well being is none of your boyfriend's business. It's not like he can see your uterus and ovaries! Their presence or absence has exactly zero affect on him. Now, if you're talking about top surgery, or vaginectomy, that can have some effect on intimacy with a partner, so it's important to talk about ahead of time--but it's still your body and ultimately the decision is yours, not his. In my case, my husband was not thrilled about my top surgery, but understood that I had to do what I had to do whether he liked it or not. With plenty of lead time to adjust to the idea, hopefully your boyfriend will come around to the same mindset.

Link to comment
  • 6 months later...
On 7/23/2017 at 9:14 PM, VickySGV said:

Your thoughts on this one do fit very well here.  The old adage on this is "Make Haste Slowly!!".  My 3 kids were in their late 30's before my surgery even came around for consideration.  Having children does not make you a better person as I have found out the hard way.  When the time is right, share your needs and goals with your partner, and make it a dialogue along with how you will parent any children you want to have because parenting is difficult and all too many parents do not have a clue on how to do it, but do not understand that.  The result is children literally thrown away by incompetent parents.  Good luck and good planning.

 

We already agree on a lot about how we plan to parent which is fantastic. There are some disagreements but overall those are super minimal in comparison. 

 

I'm nearly 27 now, and he's 27. We're both definitely going slow with the parent thing. I may never get the surgery I want because of age, but I certainly hope I will one day. 

 

~Rikki

Link to comment
On 7/23/2017 at 9:22 PM, Jani said:

Hello ZD.  This is something to surely have a deep discussion about with your boyfriend.  Beyond the desire to have children, do you consider yourself asexual?  I ask because of your comment "getting closed up".  Removing the reproductive bits is common from my understanding but I'm not sure about removal or closure of the vaginal canal.  Erogenous bits may or may be not affected.  Something else to think of.  

Also, like with GRS for MtF's your surgeon may require letters recommending you for the surgery.  I found these requirements at an insurance company site, which sound like they mirror WPATH recommendations.  

Requirements for gonadectomy (hysterectomy and oophorectomy):

  1. Two referral letters from qualified mental health professionals, one in a purely evaluative role (see appendix); and
  2. Persistent, well-documented gender dysphoria; and
  3. Capacity to make a fully informed decision and to consent for treatment; and
  4. Age of majority (18 years or older); and
  5. If significant medical or mental health concerns are present, they must be reasonably well controlled.

Sounds like you have a lot to think and talk about, but you do have time.  I wish you well.  

Jani

 

I am asexual (well on the ace spectrum) in the sense of not finding people sexually attractive (except by BF - now a fiancee) and also aromantic. But I also don't like sex in general (cannot be 100 percent if I would have been this way without trauma or not). I haven't talked to him at all about this but he knows I'm trans even though he doesn't get it and he knows my past so it won't come as a shock but he'd probably struggle with the thought of it. We're both fairly open minded though so even if I did get the surgery, it wouldn't horribly effect our relationship. 

 

Going by those guidelines - with letters then I more than likely could get the surgery. I doubt my insurance would pay for it but at least I would be able to get letters. The dysphoria has been bothering me more recently since he is away and I have no idea if it'll go away when he's home or stay. I'm also dealing with a physical problem which could just be my issue and making it worse. I'm not sure. 

 

When I'm comfortable bringing it up with my non gender counselor I will discuss this will her because it's probably something I should have brought up a long time ago (she knows about my gender but not about the surgery I want). 

 

~Rikki

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hey Rikki.  That's good that your partner and you are of a similar mindset.  I would definitely bring up your questions with your NG counselor.  I think its good to keep all my healthcare providers on the same page.   

 

Jani

Link to comment
  • 3 months later...
On 9/19/2017 at 7:56 PM, Ravin said:

It is perfectly reasonable to both put off such changes in order to make your family happen, and to have that surgery once you are done with the usefulness of those organs.

 

My son (the younger of my 2 kids) was an infant when I figured out my trans stuff, and I feel pretty strongly that part of why the realization came together for me when it did was because I also knew I was done having biological children after my son was born. I timed my medical transition in part to accommodate his needs--I waited until he was over 3 years old to start HRT so that it didn't interfere with lactation. I had no hesitation or regrets about getting top surgery once I was done with that because those parts that were useful to me, though not always comfortable, were no longer useful. 

 

I haven't had a hysto myself, opting for less invasive uterine ablation to end my periods instead (though thanks to the Mirena IUD I didn't actually have to deal with periods for years before that except for a couple of months while actively trying to get pregnant with my son).

 

As far as your boyfriend's feelings: when in a committed relationship, family planning decisions are something best made together. That's part of a healthy committed relationship. However, once you are done having children, what you do with your body for your own comfort and well being is none of your boyfriend's business. It's not like he can see your uterus and ovaries! Their presence or absence has exactly zero affect on him. Now, if you're talking about top surgery, or vaginectomy, that can have some effect on intimacy with a partner, so it's important to talk about ahead of time--but it's still your body and ultimately the decision is yours, not his. In my case, my husband was not thrilled about my top surgery, but understood that I had to do what I had to do whether he liked it or not. With plenty of lead time to adjust to the idea, hopefully your boyfriend will come around to the same mindset.

 

So a lot has changed since you wrote your comment. But starting with what you wrote - I had to google what a uterine ablation is. I hope it worked for you and continues to work for you! 

 

I'm glad your husband is understanding. That really can help long term! 

 

I'll be on T within the next 2 weeks (my new appointment is next Tuesday and it was supposed to be the 17th oops [hoops ish]). T alone was enough for him to walk away (there were other problems of course like him not being happy for a long time but I didn't really fully realize it until after he dumped me). [Also a general note - even though it's the T that gave him a push to end it, I'd be super thankful if no one called him a bad person for ending it].

 

I do want some surgery but other than top surgery, I am not 100 percent sure my bottom "dysphoria" is gender related. My top dysphoria is 100 percent gender related though. Surgery regardless would be way into the far future anyway. So this isn't a huge focus for me.

 

Now that I am single again, more than likely I won't have kids. So I at least no longer need to worry about that either. 

 

On 4/15/2018 at 9:39 PM, Jani said:

Hey Rikki.  That's good that your partner and you are of a similar mindset.  I would definitely bring up your questions with your NG counselor.  I think its good to keep all my healthcare providers on the same page.   

 

Jani

 

I've been talking to her more recently as well as starting the informed consent process for T. I've switched my NG counseling appointments to weekly while I navigate T. I am not able to move forward with my other stuff until this is off my plate, but I got a decent enough support system in place just in case. And if T makes me "system" (body and mind. My counselor calls it that lol) out of whack I guess, I plan to stop (after talking to my doctor of course) it and figure out where to go from there to be safe in all ways. I am glad informed consent exists though. 

 

Also again sorry it's taken me so long to respond to everything lol

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Rikki I'm sorry to hear your relationship has ended.  Being in a relationship with a trans person is difficult, and it's challenging at best so no one would think ill of your former boyfriend.  

 

Congratulations on your upcoming appointment for T.  I hope it goes as you expect.  Concerning your surgery plan I can only imagine you are speaking about your dysphoria with your gender therapist to help you sort it out and so you can determine what direction you may take.  

 

All my doctors seem to take a holistic approach recognizing the body and mind are one system.  I appreciate it.  Informed consent is great.  We're all different of course but from what you've written I believe you will most likely benefit from the addition of T.   

 

No need to apologize for the time between updates!   We know there are other facets of your life that take precedence. 

 

Cheers, Jani

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 173 Guests (See full list)

    • Davie
    • Betty K
    • SamC
    • Ivy
    • marysssia
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      768k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,014
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. l.demiurge
      l.demiurge
  • Posts

    • VickySGV
      You have given you and us a big clue right there.  I hope you have shared this observation with your Endocrinologist and are willing to take their advice about changing that behavior.    Non prescribed herbal or animal supplements can have a negative effect on your body's use of your available hormones.  Also, your genetics are going to be controlling what your body is going to do with your hormones, and again, that is for you to consult with your Endocrinologists.  On this site none of us are licensed medical personnel and we cannot give you advice on your health more than what your doctor can.  We have rules that we enforce against our members advising about "Folk Remedies" because we have had members who have gone that route and badly damaged their health and quality of life.  Only thing I can go anywhere on, is that maybe if you change your expectations of what should happen, you will at least not be in danger of harming yourself from anxiety.
    • Timi
      Hi @violet r!    Thank you so much for sharing. I'm so glad you found this place. I hope you find as much comfort and support here as I have.    -Timi    
    • marysssia
      Hi lovely people,   I'm a 25 yo MtF woman, and I've been suffering from low estrogen issues since October 2023. I completely lost my feminine libido, my breast completely stopped growing, my estrogen levels dropped by a lot (despite NOT decreasing my E dosage) and thus my dysphoria drastically increased. I think it is worth mentioning that, for my health issues, I had been taking ----- Lamotrigine for months & had been on ketogenic diet, and these things seem to be a culprit of my current issue. I weaned off Lamotrigine some time ago and gave up on keto diet, but it still doesn't seem to help. My estrogen is still low (44 ng/ml) and my libido hasn't come back yet. In general, I struggle with my dysphoria so much because of that and, to be honest, I don't know what to do. I've tried so many dietary supplements, yet I didn't get any effects from them. My endocrinologist didn't know how to help me. She only suggested to increase my daily estrogen dose (to 3x per day ------sublingual estrogen tablets and 3x per day ------ estrogen gel applied to armpits or thighs), which I did, without any effect.   Please, help me. Prior to keto diet & Lamotrigine treatment, I'd never had experience like that. I'm basically helpless and have no clue what to do. Having to deal with low estrogen is a horrible experience to me and it affects my life severely.   BTW, my T levels are always within female range.   Do you have any clue what exactly I should do?
    • April Marie
      I love wearing a jeans skirt!! That looks like airport carpet. Safe travels if you're flying!!
    • Maddee
      Flight faraway forthcoming Fabulous forum friends 😊😊🎸🦂
    • Maddee
    • KathyLauren
      One of our cats is polydactyl.  He has 7 toes on each front paw and 5 on each back paw, for 24 toes total.   Another one, an ex-feral who, at the time, was free to roam, climbed 50 feet up a tree without having any thought about how he was going to get down.  His pal climed down backwards, but he couldn't.  He ended up coming down by leaping from branch to branch.  Which nearly gave us heart attacks, because he only has one eye and therefore has no depth perception.   The other ex-feral (both are now indoor cats) obviously does not have those soft pads on his feet.  At night, when we are in bed, we can hear him stomping around the house.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      The two o'clock Onshoring meeting was going well.  Taylor was leading, inviting other people up to speak on their specialties. Aerial photogrammetry and surveying, including the exact boundary, were out for contract signature  Gibson had handled that - Manufacturing was supposed to, but somehow hadn't happened.  Legal issues from Legal. Accounting reported on current costs, including all upkeep, guard salaries, etc.  Manufacturing was supposed to give those numbers, but they hadn't.   The downside was the VP of Manufacturing.  He had arrived at the meeting red-faced, his tie askew, clutching a bottle. It smelled strongly of vodka. He had never done anything in his twenty years of being VP of Manufacturing, and he did not like being asked now.   "Mr. ----, do you have the inventory we asked for?" Taylor asked politely.  VP Gibson had asked him to have his people go through the plant and not only inventory but assess the operational status of every piece of equipment.  They needed to know what they had. "I'm not going to take any f---- orders from a g-d- tra---," he snarled. "God knows what kind of perverts it has dragged into our fair city and bangs every night." "That is completely out of line." That was Gibson.  Taylor controlled herself.  That was a shot at Bob, not just at Taylor.  She was glad Bob was not there to do something stupid.  Had Mrs. McCarthy been talking? What had she said?  Was she given to embellishment?  Taylor took a deep breath. "I'm not sorry.  You f--- can take this stupid onshoring --- and shove it up your -" "That is quite enough."  This was the head of HR. "You can take your sissy ways and sashay -" "You are fired." "You can't fire me." "Oh, yes I can," said the office manager.  The VP took another swig from his bottle. "Try it."  He looked uncertain. "I will have you removed.  Are you going to leave on your own?  I am calling the police to help you leave." And he dialed the number. He stomped out cursing. They heard him noisily go down the hall.  This was the front conference room.  He actually went through security and out the door, throwing his badge on the ground on his way.  The guard picked it up. They could see this through the glass wall. "Can you fire a VP?" "The Board told me that if anyone gives me problems they should be shown the door. Even a VP.  I can fire everyone here. I won't, of course. Those were problems." "Are you alright, Taylor?" She nodded.  "I've heard worse.  Shall we continue?" And they did.   The last item was that certain business people in China had been arrested, and the corporation that had been supporting them all these years had been dissolved.  They were on their own, and the Board was dead serious on straightening things out.  After this meeting, Taylor believed it.  She did not attend the meeting to discuss how to distribute the few duties the VP of Manufacturing had done.  That was ultimately up to the Board.    
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Lunch was at Cabaret, still free.  The place was quiet: it was the sort of place you took a business client to impress them, and the few other people were in business suits.  Most of the legal profession was there.   She told him of the morning's frustrations, breaking her own rule about confidentiality.  She asked Karen how the branding was going, and Karen had snapped back that she had not started on it yet - they had all these proposals.  Taylor had explained that it was important, for the two o'clock meeting, and Karen told her to do it herself.  Karen pointed out that Taylor could not touch her - her uncle was on the Board and her brother was VP of Manufacturing.  Nor would the two computer guys go out to the plant - they were playing some kind of MMORPG and simply not available. If she wanted the pictures, she should go.  Mary prayed an Ave Maria, but both she and Brenda were racing to get the proposal out. The client wanted it Friday for review.   She didn't bring up what Mrs. McCarthy had told her.  She wasn't sure how to approach it.  She thought of telling her of a 'something more comfortable' she had bought in case he ever DID show up at her door. It was in the bottom drawer of her dresser, ready to go.  Instead she talked about moving to a place with a garage.  Several of the abandoned houses had one, and they had been maintained well with China cash.   Bob had finally realized that when he was introduced as Bob, Taylor's boyfriend, that was just how things were done here. Other people had introduced each other in terms of family relationships, which were strong.  Long before you found out anything else about someone, you knew how they were related.  Family kept people from leaving Millville.    "What is the real name of this town, anyway?"   She laughed.  "I am trying to find that out.  It's 'Welcome to Millvale' when you come into town from the north, and 'Welcome to Millville' on the south.  I have counted two other variants."   "What a town. Roosevelt is like that, with the families, but there is only one spelling."  
    • Ashley0616
      Nothing wrong with that. I'm glad that you found what makes you happy! Just curious what does your wife think? If it's too personal I understand.
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      – According to a recent survey, the most popular name for a dog is Max. Other popular names include Molly, Sam, Zach, and Maggie.
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      Either new environment/ not potty trained
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Bob was on his way home from the dojo and he "just happened" to driver by her place. It was 10:30.  Her light was still on.  He knew exactly where she was sitting.  He saw her in his mind.   A fierce wave of desire that took his breath away suddenly showed up. All he had to do was stop, get out of the car, walk to the door and knock.  She would answer, glad to see him.  She would know why he was there and what he wanted. She would invite him in, maybe get him something to drink, disappear for a moment and return in "something more comfortable."  She would lead him back. Oh, joy.   And never, ever speak to him again afterwards.  Or she would not let him in but be angry about it.  In no way, emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually, was she ready for this, and he knew it, if he was honest with himself, and she knew he knew it.  She would look upon it as another assault and their relationship would be irretrievably broken.  He would have to leave town. It would devastate her. It would devastate him.    He fought himself.  He was frozen to his seat as his reason and his body fought. He was twenty four years old, a full-blooded male with normal desires; he had just worked out and he was ready.  All he had to do now was open the car door. No one would know. He held his hands, one in the other, to keep one from moving, against his reason and will, to open that door.  He did not want to be a slave of his desires.   He looked across the street.  Mrs. McCarthy, sister of his landlord, was peeking though her window.  She knew his car.  Everyone in town would know by noon the next day if he got out of the car.  Taylor did not need that, either, and she would know, if he came to the door now, what a selfish thing it would be: in his own eyes, in the eyes of Taylor, in the eyes of the town, and worst of all, in the eyes of God.   He sat there a moment longer.  He was, as he reflected, entering into her sufferings in a small way that she would be made whole, healthy and happy: what he wanted more than anything.  But this hurt.  Why had all this come on her?  He asked God again, but there was only silence. He drove home in that silence. He chided himself for even going on her street and for driving on it other nights.  He would stop that, he told himself.   ------------------------------------------   The next morning Taylor went out to her car to go to work.  Mrs. McCarthy met her before she got to it. "I thought you were going to get lucky last night, dearie," she said. Taylor was puzzled. "Why, what do you mean?" "That young fellow - you know, Bob - he's been driving around here, going up and down the street some nights, not stopping.  Well, last night he parked and sat in his car for a while.   I think he was staring at your window.  I think he was trying to get up the courage to knock on the door. I was rooting for him.   But then he drove away.  Faint heart never won fair lady, as they say. What a shame. You two are a lovely couple.  Well, have a good day!" "Thank you, Mrs. McCarthy."  Taylor knew Bob extremely well and knew what had been going through his mind.  She was more than grateful he had not gotten out of the car. Better for him, better for her, better for everybody.  Surgery "down there" sooner than later.  This was driving the poor boy crazy. It was driving her crazy, too.  But she had a lot to work through. Surgery "up here" she said, pointing to her head.  She woke up her therapist on the way to work.  They were still talking when she pulled into her designated parking spot.  That was a perk that had happened yesterday.  She took a deep breath and headed into work. It would be another wild day.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...