Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

New here. Super Confused. What am I?


TiaMaria

Recommended Posts

Hi everyone…

Ok… so this is the first time I’ve posted here so, I’m sorry if I say anything offensive or out of place. So for a long time now, I’ve been questioning myself and whether or not I may be MtF transgender. I love the idea of being able to start HRT and begin transition to female, but even though I want this I still don’t feel like I fit the norm of being transgender. I don’t think I feel like a woman, and I haven’t known about these feelings my entire life like some transgender people do.

I mean… it’s like I can imagine it all the time, but then it’s like reality hits and I keep hearing the same things in my head like “You’ll always be a boy” and stuff like that and it just starts really bumming me out. I say this cause people say I look really boyish. I’m also afraid that if I did try to transition, I’d look like a guy in a dress instead of passing as a girl.

Does anyone have any advice for any of this? Does it sound like I may be transgender? What should I do?

Some more info:

·         Pretty sure I’m only attracted to girls

·         Don’t really know if I want to present as female all the time

·         Afraid of coming out to people(especially my transphobic family)

·         Super jealous of… like, ALL WOMEN!!

Link to comment
  • Root Admin

Hello TiaMaria,

Welcome to TransPulse. :) It's not uncommon to have confusion as to where you actually fit in. A gender therapist could help you in this respect. Without knowing more about your circumstances, this is the best advice I can offer. Fell free to browse the forums for information and ask questions. We'll do our best to help.  

http://www.transgenderpulse.com/gender-therapists

MaryEllen

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome Tia Maria.  Take some time and read the posts of others here.  You are certainly not alone.  Many question their identity but reading, posting and then talking to a GT as Mary Ellen suggested can certainly help.

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Hello MaryEllen,

Thank you for the welcome :) 

Um... If it's okay I could tell you more about myself and maybe you could tell me what you think I might be?? 

Link to comment
  • Admin

Hi Tia,

I don't want to preempt any conversation MaryEllen might be willing to have with you, but I will say that by and large the only person who can decide what label - if any label - fits you is you.  That's why she recommended talking things through with a gender therapist - doing so will help quite a bit in sorting out which gender(s) you want to claim as your own.

Link to comment
  • Admin
9 hours ago, TiaMaria said:

Some more info:

·         Pretty sure I’m only attracted to girls

·         Don’t really know if I want to present as female all the time

·         Afraid of coming out to people(especially my transphobic family)

·         Super jealous of… like, ALL WOMEN!!

None of those points make you Trans* and NONE of them make you "NOT TRANS".  If  your gender ideas are bothering you to the point where you have come here to ask questions, then you are not absolutely Cis Gender.  If you were that, there would be no questions to ask, and this is a good place to share feelings and experiences, and read others in order for you to make best use of Gender Counseling as has been pointed out above.  I am a woman of Trans* history and there is absolutely no reason to be jealous of me, so take the ALL out up there and it will be easier to talk to us.

Link to comment

Many who are trans struggle to come to terms with what it means to them and how it will impact their life. Therapy is the best place to start to sort out your feelings. The best thing for you may well be Transition and HRT but it is a massive step that will impact you in every little corner of your life you can think of from picking up some milk at the local store to going into work(if that's your thing). 

Finding a good therapist is part of the key to working out where you fit in.

Liz

Link to comment
8 hours ago, TiaMaria said:

Hello MaryEllen,

Thank you for the welcome :) 

Um... If it's okay I could tell you more about myself and maybe you could tell me what you think I might be?? 

Certainly you are welcome to tell more. Tell you what you are we probably cannot do. We can compare journeys, help you to feel like you are not the only one on the planet feeling this way.

You can experiment carefully without ruining your life, at some point later on like passing over a series of one way tire grates. The more you pass, the more no turning back. No need for fear, but be sure to go in with both eyes open. Welcome. Please feel at home and ask all the question you like.

Link to comment

VickySGV, I am sorry if I upset you. I am still not good at explaining this stuff.

Let me try again:

Ok…

·         I’m 22 years  old AMAB

·         I’ve never felt like I was like other boys

·         I’ve always wished that I could have been born female

·         I’ve still never really felt like a girl, and I can never say “I am a girl”, I can just say that I “wanted to be a girl”(If that makes sense)

·         Don’t know if I would like to present as female all the time

·         Afraid that transitioning will make my family hate me

 

Link to comment
  • Admin
7 minutes ago, TiaMaria said:

VickySGV, I am sorry if I upset you. I am still not good at explaining this stuff.

No upset at all, I have been doing this moderation job on the Forums for 6 years, and I am used to doing some teaching and sometimes reaching to get the person to look at themselves.  In the beginning it is almost impossible for any of us to comprehend.  At your age I did not have even as much language to use to speak about it as you have in your posts.

Family is a huge issue and it will take some time and care to deal with them, but as you note your age at 22, I was fighting a major battle with my father over what career I wanted instead of the one he was urging me into and never got near the gender issue back then. It is a process that takes time and needs help from others such as Gender Therapists to get ready for family enlightenment and find out what really will happen.

I have spent time in many "support groups" and many more nights in clubs with people for whom one night every three or four months, or maybe one three day dressing binge in a year at a convention was all they needed to control their GD monster.  I wish I could have been one of them from time to time, but no luck there.

31 minutes ago, TiaMaria said:

·         I’ve always wished that I could have been born female

·         I’ve still never really felt like a girl, and I can never say “I am a girl”, I can just say that I “wanted to be a girl”(If that makes sense)

It makes perfect sense to me, but then I have just gotten home from a whole evening of being with Trans* people who don't look like anything  but who are just, super nice, great people

Link to comment

Hey TiaMaria! :)  Welcome!! 

58 minutes ago, TiaMaria said:

I’ve always wished that I could have been born female

·         I’ve still never really felt like a girl, and I can never say “I am a girl”, I can just say that I “wanted to be a girl”(If that makes sense)

·         Don’t know if I would like to present as female all the time

·         Afraid that transitioning will make my family hate me

I can relate to all of these (except I'm AFAB). The second point about "wanting to be a girl" as opposed to saying you ARE a girl is one that particularly hits home with me and has caused a fair bit of confusion. XP 
Unfortunately, I haven't come to any conclusions about myself so I can only say that you are not alone in feeling this and if you want to talk I'm around here, get it and we can struggle through together. :)

Also, while family is important, it may be easier to get your thoughts straight if you only worry about what You want and who You really are, at the moment. You can deal with how you should tell your family and how they might react after you know more about yourself. If you want to know who you really are you don't want to scare yourself into denial because of how your family might react.

Goodluckk and I hope you find Transpulse helpful. :) 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 140 Guests (See full list)

    • Betty K
    • Sally Stone
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      768k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,015
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bowie Ellis
      Bowie Ellis
      (19 years old)
    2. Damien Mcknight
      Damien Mcknight
      (18 years old)
    3. JJ
      JJ
      (77 years old)
    4. KathyLauren
      KathyLauren
      (70 years old)
    5. memyselfandwe
      memyselfandwe
      (44 years old)
  • Posts

    • Sally Stone
      Ashley, for a very long time she clung to the term crossdresser, because for her it was less threatening.  Over the years, though, she has come to recognize and acknowledge that I have a strong feminine side.  And like me, she now has a much better understanding of where my transgender journey is going, so me being bigender, isn't the threat she might have perceived it as, years ago. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://apnews.com/article/title-ix-sexual-assault-transgender-sports-d0fc0ab7515de02b8e4403d0481dc1e7   The revised regulations don't touch on trans athletes; which I totally understand, as that's become a third rail issue and this is an election year.  But the other changes seem pretty sensible, and will obviously result in immediate right wing lawsuits.   Carolyn Marie
    • missyjo
      darling you have wonderful taste..I especially love the red dress n sneaker outfit   enjoy   missy
    • Carolyn Marie
      Very well said, @Abigail Genevieve, and very true.  Thank you.   Carolyn Marie
    • Susan R
      Trans Group Zoom Meeting Tomorrow!!   Trans Group Zoom Meeting Times: April 20, 2024 6:00 PM Pacific Time April 20, 2024 8:00 PM Central Time April 21, 2024 11:00 AM Australia/Melbourne   Message me for the meeting link if you’d like to attend.   *Hugs* Susan R🌷
    • Susan R
      They may win a few battles but not the war! as @Davie pointed out there is little truth if it full of lies, inconsistencies, and ignores evidence to the contrary. I saw this article earlier and have to agree here. Truth will win. This isn’t the first time this tactic has been tried. Always stick with the truth!
    • Susan R
      Welcome @violet r! Glad you joined our forum and got through the hardest part…that first post. As many have mentioned, we are more than accepting here as we affirm your gender identity and hold no judgement, whatsoever. There’s so much here on this forum, I think you’ll find very helpful. If you have trouble finding an answer just reach out, try the search but starting a new thread is usually best to get some quick answers. Many are here for various transgender related issues but many, if not all, are here to help one another if we can. It’s great to have you onboard.   Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
    • Willow
      good evening   good day at work today.  I did do some things a little out of normal but everything was completed successfully.  As I said earlier, the Asst Mgr was my second today.  I don’t think she was too happy about that.  Several customers asked her where Richard was her answer was the manager cut his hours.  Well that is only part of the story,  his hours were cut just like mine were and several others but in his case he made demands about his hours that couldn’t be met.  But instead of making some non complaining remark about it she made sure to lay it all on the manager, thus throwing the manager under the bus.  Similarly when asked why she hadn’t been at work early mornings, she said she was being punished by the manager.  Well that’s partly true, she wouldn’t do what the manager told her to do so she took her off opening.  But secondarily she didn’t have a car to drive temporarily.  You can’t open the store without a car because who ever opens has tasks that require them to leave the store, so it was  at least partly her own fault.  But she chose to throw the manager under the bus for that.  I think she is asking to be fired for insubordination.  And if the manager gets these conversations off the security tape tomorrow she just might get her wish.   im pretty close to being ready to take the asst position but there isn’t anyone ready to take over my job, at least not at our store.  I suppose the other shift lead could if she is able to work earlier shifts and if the other closers were just a bit more reliable.   Ive been wanting some homefried chicken.  We found a BBQ place not far away that had such a chicken but I is made fresh when ordered so it has a 30 minute wait.  It was worth the wait and the other things we tried were also good.  Another restaurant on the list.  At least half of what we ordered came home for another meal.   i get to sleep in tomorrow, I go to work at 1:30!   Willow
    • Abigail Genevieve
      It was nine thirty.  Saturday morning had rolled around more quickly than Taylor could believe.  She groaned, whined, thought of a million excuses why she should just stay in bed and knock the alarm across the room.  But it would still be going on, and so would the promise to Bob: when the gi came in, she would be in. There it was in its nice package, out where she could not miss it.  Why didn't she hide it?  She shook her head.   Up she got.  Sometimes you just do.  Her hair was a wreck. She patted it down and went to the bathroom.  Nine forty five. Shower later. No make up. She hated kara-tay especially at an ungodly early hour on a Saturday morning. Bagel. Instant coffee.  She was five minutes away when she realized she had forgotten the gi.  Back she went.   Into the dojo.  She had about five minutes to get the gi on.  She attempted to slip in unnoticed and go to the little restroom. Someone barked something out in Japanese or something, and there was a dead silence.  She turned to see what was going on. Both classes were getting into their lines, but everyone, including Bob, was bowing slightly. To her. Bob nodded, and she returned the bow.  Life started again. She was touched.   Bowing three times. Oath. Kata.  She was facing off with Judy as her partner.  Judy looked worried.   "Sometimes you just gotta pick yourself up and try again," Taylor told her. She nodded. "Let's do this."   Lunge punch and lower block.  They traded off like nothing had happened the last weekend.  Lunge punch and middle block. Lunge punch and upper block.  It was kind of like dancing. Taylor enjoyed it.  She wanted to learn more.  Brown-belt Maggie adjusted position of limbs and hips for both Taylor and Judy, telling them when she was about to do something: elbow up a bit".    "How'd you do?" Bob asked her later.  They had both gone home and showered. Now they were in a booth at a fast food place.   "I was kind of disappointed class ended. I was ready for more."   "That's my trooper."   "I'm not allowing you in my apartment until we are married," she said suddenly.   "You think I am a problem?"   "No.  I think you are safe. You passed the test  I am the problem here."   "Okay."   "What did the doctor tell you?"   "It's complicated.  More tests coming.  Like getting into college.  I got a letter back.  It seems there is this big fat M on my transcript and my current picture is not an M type picture.  I have to write a letter and send them notarized proofs and stuff. Just delays. This is a pain. Nothing cut and dried."   "I will say.  I'm glad I'm not transgender."   "Hah. You are pulled into my world.  You are involved in this stuff as much as I am, and, as you put it, of your own free will."   "You are worth it."   "I hope so."   "I know so."      
    • Abigail Genevieve
      On the way back to her desk she was interrupted by six short, urgent conversations that had to be attended to. Then she slipped into the women's room and locked the stall door.  She took a deep breath, then another, and allowed herself to shake for five minutes,  Then deep breathing, ten in and ten out, stretch up, touch the floor, neck rolls and she was fine. She used the toilet and a woman knocked and said, "Taylor, are you okay?"   "Ready to conquer the world!"  on her way out she found her makeup was fine.  Three stalls, two sinks.  If she ever designed a women's room with three stalls, there would be four sinks, with plenty of space to plunk your stuff down between them.   She met a deferential Karen.  "Here is the branding I came up with," she said.  And she went back to working as hard as Brenda and Mary, who looked up worriedly and then went back to the proposal.   Shortly before 5:00 she received an email with the title Consolidation and Compensation.  In it she learned that the position of office manager was eliminated, and the current office manager was to become the chief executive officer. The former CEO, along with the CFO, the chief legal officer, and sundry staff, had been terminated, per the Board of Directors.  Effective immediately everyone would receive a base salary of $20,000 with a commission to be set by the individual's supervisor.  Each supervisor would be given a certain percentage to distribute.  Most functions they had been handled would be outsourced as needed.   "The question of what profit was made last year is frequent enough to be answered.  The company lost over 500,000 in fiscal 2023.  At this point further cuts are not anticipated.  We will be strategically adding positions that will enhance our profits. Hard work is expected of everyone."   Her two web guys had been complaining because their games had been remotely uninstalled.  After the memo came out they were absolutely silent.  That gave her an idea, and after an exchange of emails they were reassigned to maintenance out at the plant, effective tomorrow morning.  There were lots of weeds that needed pulling, if nothing else. That email went out after they left early, for the day.  The maintenance foreman was a no-nonsense type who did not tolerate slacking, and they would learn a thing or two.  This also freed up two spaces for her to put new people.
    • MaeBe
      So…I didn’t know your Facebook avatar was public. So, on my birthday, a couple people used a group avatar message to wish me a happy birthday…and now my Facebook friends can see a short video of my female avatar dancing with an old friend’s and another with my uncle’s avatars. So am I “Facebook out” now? 😬
    • Davie
      No, they are not. Truth wins in the end and this report is full of lies that poison the whole thing: see this: "Dr. Cass Backpedals From Review: HRT, Blockers Should Be Made Available it's said. Dr. Cass's latest statements are likely to cast more doubt on the validity of the study, which has come under fire for disregarding substantial evidence on trans care." https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/dr-cass-backpedals-from-review-hrt?publication_id=994764&post_id=143743897&isFreemail=true&r=rebf4&triedRedirect=true I hope Dr. Cass wins The Mengele Award for it.
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boyfriend and I went to a support group for spouses dating or married to a transgender person on Tuesday night for the first time.It was amazing meeting other couples like us.One was a genetic woman whom has been dating a transgender male for the first time and she is supporting his transition.Us,they were amazed by us agreeing on something we said,love and acceptance have brought us together
    • Abigail Genevieve
      By which I mean there is a cultural stereotype of what a man is, and one of what a woman is.  Even worse, of what a transgender person is.   You be you.   I read of a boy who thought he was a girl because he did not adhere to some (rather toxic) conceptions of what it means to be a man, so he decided he was a girl.  He was told he didn't have to conform to stereotype and got happy. "You mean I don't have to transition?" He didn't want to, and was relieved.   Once upon a time if you were transgender they told you either you transition or die.   Incorporate the best of what it means to be a man and the best of what it means to be a woman as much as you possibly can, and let the rest go.  Be fully human. Be alive. Don't conform to some cultural crud.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      On the way back to her desk she was interrupted by six short, urgent conversations that had to be attended to. Then she slipped into the women's room and locked the stall door.  She took a deep breath, then another, and allowed herself to shake for five minutes,  Then deep breathing, ten in and ten out, stretch up, touch the floor, neck rolls and she was fine. She used the toilet and a woman knocked and said, "Taylor, are you okay?"   "Ready to conquer the world!"  on her way out she found her makeup was fine.  Three stalls, two sinks.  If she ever designed a women's room with three stalls, there would be four sinks, with plenty of space to plunk your stuff down between them.   She met a deferential Karen.  "Here is the branding I came up with," she said.  And she went back to working as hard as Brenda and Mary, who looked up worriedly and then went back to the proposal.   Shortly before 5:00 she received an email with the title Consolidation and Compensation.  In it she learned that the position of office manager was eliminated, and the current office manager was to become the chief executive officer. The former CEO, along with the CFO, the chief legal officer, and sundry staff, had been terminated, per the Board of Directors.  Effective immediately everyone would receive a base salary of $20,000 with a commission to be set by the individual's supervisor.  Each supervisor would be given a certain percentage to distribute.  Most functions they had been handled would be outsourced as needed.   "The question of what profit was made last year is frequent enough to be answered.  The company lost over 500,000 in fiscal 2023.  At this point further cuts are not anticipated.  We will be strategically adding positions that will enhance our profits. Hard work is expected of everyone."   Her two web guys had been complaining because their games had been remotely uninstalled.  After the memo came out they were absolutely silent.  That gave her an idea, and after an exchange of emails they were reassigned to maintenance out at the plant, effective tomorrow morning.  There were lots of weeds that needed pulling, if nothing else. That email went out after they left early, for the day.  The maintenance foreman was a no-nonsense type who did not tolerate slacking, and they would learn a thing or two.  This also freed up two spaces for her to put new people.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...