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What can I do to become my inner girl before coming out?

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Any tips on what I should do to be myself before I come out. Stuff that doesn't raise a ton of suspicion, but that can also help prevent the big reveal from being a bombshell.

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My process before coming out at work was to grow my hair out and  pierce my ears.  

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The big thing to do before coming out is to try to anticipate some of the questions you'll get, based on your knowledge of the people you're coming out to.  And I can guarantee the first thing you'll be asked is, "Are you sure?"  You'll want to be confident in yourself and in any requests you make - "Call me Evie, refer to me as she," that kind of thing.  And be prepared to be patient - it can take years for people to get it right, even when they're trying their hardest.

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I did what MarcieMarie12 suggested, I grew my hair out, then had my ears pierced I love being able to change Earings, started lazer hair removal and had my hair colored. Each step made me feel better and very few people commented on the changes. 

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Timber Wolf

Hi Evie,

I would 2nd what Dev said, and add a little to it. I would study all you can about being transgender. If you sound unsure when you come out, they're more likely to think it's just a phase, causing real acceptance to come slower. The more you know the more confident you'll come across. If you're working with a gender therapist or psychologist for this, you might tell family and close friends this. It will lend medical verification to what you're telling them.

When you come out, hope for the best and prepare for the worst. I hope you get the best.


Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

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clair dufour

This may sound very Zen but, you need to find  the woman space in your mind and learn to expand and control it. Everything else is a prop that helps us get there.  Drinking a can of pop with two or three fingers is often enough to go into girl mode. Find local groups where you can practice and make friends. That's the best thing.

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I remember when i simply started to watch women to find a style and to try and understand why in a glance i knew they were women.  It may seem like a simple exercise but remember driving down the road at 60 we  know the difference almost instantly from a great distance.  It isn't necessary simple clues that tell us but we know.  Perhaps being with women in female circles helps us develop that reality.  I was never able to do that as i had attended all male schools after the 3rd grade and even then the girls made it clear i wasn't part of their world.  

Whareve you do remember that gender is more a process than a race.  Relax, breath deep and enjoy your journey one small step at a time.  We all go at our own pace just as puberty comes sooner and is faster for some than others.





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Women are physically smaller - can you lose some weight?

Change your fashion from male to androgynous. Scan women's clothing catalogues and keep pics of fashions you like.

Hair.  Let it grow.  Use Minoxidil if you have thinning hair.

It's never too soon to start facial hair removal.

Become an acute student of female mannerisms. Don't act feminine but do emulate what you learn.  ...It's subtle not overt.

Start moving your eyebrows towards feminine by trimming, waxing and or threading.

Pierce your ears.

Shave your body hair.

Practice feminizing your voice.

Wear feminine glasses (if you need them)

Work with an experienced gender counselor.

Take hormones for several months before coming out to anyone.

When you do come out, come out to just a couple people you're as sure as you can be, who will be supportive. Later on, when you encounter hostile people, you can fall back on your supportive ones for support and advice.  As your circle grows, so will your confidence.  You need to know that you know that you ARE who you say you are or people and society will chew you up and spit you out.

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Looking back I have noticed that things have been a very steady progression on many fronts. I think the main thing I have realised though is that in my mind I have been progressing to be myself ever since I can remember. The main thing is to accept yourself and, as far as possible, understand yourself.


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Katy S

For me it was to start growing my nails, thinning my eyebrows and swaying my hips more when I walk.

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I personally started by being very vocal about my support of LGBT issues. This was during the presidential election and I've been Dem my whole adult life so it wasn't very surprising. I also worked my butt off (literally) losing weight. I prepped my friends by showing them my favorite band, Steam Powered Giraffe, who has a trans female singer. They all reacted with a kind of "that's nice, good for her" attitude so I felt safe telling them. By putting subtle hints into every day life it lets you know how people feel about the topic before you out yourself.

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I just got my ears pierced. This was huge for me in many ways. It seemed to be a commitment to move forward and my inner girl responded with fascination and glee. I also share with the few friends I can trust, and just giving them little details - dressing in women's clothing at home and wearing lipstick while washing dishes - helps me take my journey on the road. I'm getting ready to polish my nails and can't wait to go grocery shopping!

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