Questions that need to be answered

[DaHudie Biz]

My mom and family hate the fact that I am getting to be more and more independent and making more and more healthy choices about myself.  Still me saying it doesn't make me see what is the elephant in the room for what we are talking about is the reality that despote them saying they want me to get better.  They don't stand to benefit from me getting better.

I am proud of what I am doing, and yet, they are ashamed of me.  They through names around like delusional like words aren't things and they're just having a good time and I'm the one causing all the problems because I am the only one with problems.

It is like they think I can change.  It's like they they think I'm the one that needs to learn my place because they think what they learned in school is the only way to think and that every other thought is base less.

Expert after expert has talked to my aunt for example, and no matter what they had to say.  They were stupid or just being brain washed by me because no one could ever agree with me because that means disagreeing with tyhem.

My question is how do I deal with it because it hurts?  Do I need to prove that my version of events are valid, or should I accept that the people I need to prove this to already accept what I say as fact?

Then how do I deal with the hurt of losing my family or the dream that I think most people have that all of your strength will be seen for what they are, and the fact is I have a lot of strengths but they can't be seen by my family?  So how do I deal with the grief I feel and get past it because I can't change the fact that I am a trans, cross-cultural woman that even though I have schizophrenia isn't really affected by that even though they insist that I am.

It is like they get attention or something from me having an illness they don't want to know anything about, and that makes me as being unusual or something because I know so much about it.

So what is this.  What is truly a strength they see as a weakness because they are to weak to know it for what it is and that is that it is a strength.

I just don't know what to do because doesn't everyone want a family, and shouldn't I not give up on them even though it probably will never change because their minds are already made up?  Please answer.

[Jani]

Yes we all want a family but realize that these people you call family don't have to be blood relatives.  I love my family but I also include some very close friends in this special group.  

As far as you being or getting more independent and your family not liking it; you only get one life to live and so did they.  You get to live yours; good, bad or indifferent.  While you may solicit input from time to time from family and close friends, it is your life.  Grab it and go!

1 hour ago, Caykay1972 said:

It is like they think I can change.

Well you have changed. It's the cycle of life, we all change.  Are you happy with your change?  Yes? Good for you.  No? Well change more. 

1 hour ago, Caykay1972 said:

Then how do I deal with the hurt of losing my family or the dream that I think most people have that all of your strength will be seen for what they are, and the fact is I have a lot of strengths but they can't be seen by my family?

There may come a time when you come to see that your strengths are not the strengths of your family.  You can still have them in your life but just at "arms length" rather than closely held.  You don't have to give up on them, but you also don't need to treat their opinions as highly as you might have.  Their motivations don't sound like they're in your best interest.  

Like friendships, family relationships can ebb and flow.  Nothing in life is permanent.  I don't stress over it.  I'm the only one who's ever seemed to get upset.   My advice, move on to a better place.   

Jani

[MarcieMarie12]

Well, for me it was one of those things where I just stopped interacting with family for the most part unless I am treated with some level of respect. I would e-mail them on occasion, and go to lunch with my dad. Who is just concerned over something he did not understand, he did his own research. It took them over a year to understand it is not a phase. Things are still a little off with my mom, and my brothers got quiet (but it is hard to tell if it is because I am trans or well teenage boys).