Jump to content
Femdad

Accepting the girl

Recommended Posts

Femdad

Hi I’m new here I’m a dad with a 6 yr old son. Lately my son has been asking if it’s ok to wear girls clothes. I didn’t know how to approach this since I’m new to all this and a single Dad. I’m looking for a little guidance on the subject. I’m not sure how to proceed. 

Share this post


Link to post
MaryEllen

Hello Femdad,

 

Welcome to TransgenderPulse. :)  At 6 years of age it's quite possible that you son may be thinking that he should be a girl. Has he said that he wishes that he were a girl or is he just curious about girls clothing?  It could be just a passing fad or he could really be transgendered. There's no way of telling just yet. I would let him wear girls clothing if that's what he really wants. I would use caution, though. The world at large is not a friendly or accepting place for those who are transgender and he could become the target of some serious hate and bigotry.

I wouldn't deny him wearing girls clothing but I wouldn't encourage it either. Let him set the pace. Above all, let him know that you love him no matter what.

This link might be helpful. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-3184776/Transgender-Jazz-Jennings-knew-girl-born-boy-s-body.html

If your son were a little older, I would suggest counseling with a gender therapist but perhaps it's something you might want to consider even now.

Please keep in touch and let us know how things are progressing and hopefully, we can advise you further.

 

MaryEllen

Share this post


Link to post
Dev

Welcome, Femdad!  MaryEllen beat me to the punch with her words of wisdom, so I'll second her encouragement to stay in touch with us, ask questions, and don't be shy.  Gender variance can be a very foreign topic for some, so it's hard to offend us by asking innocent questions. :) 

Share this post


Link to post
Femdad

A few times he’s said he thinks girls clothes are pretty and wonders into the girls section in stores sometimes. Thinking about it to myself I was going to offer to him a chance to maybe buy a few things in girls clothes. However as a guy I’m very nervous myself to buy girls clothes even if it’s for him. Then what do I do if he wants girls underwear too would that be an issue? I’ve noticed his curiosity and maybe that’s all it is. 

Share this post


Link to post
MaryEllen

I would talk to him and try to find out if he feels like he's a girl because he wants girls clothing. I wouldn't see a problem if he wants to wear girls underwear. Don't push the issue but do try to find out where his feelings lay. Many dads buy clothing for their little girls. That shouldn't be an issue

 

MaryEllen

Share this post


Link to post
Femdad

It’s not that big of an issue it’s just I never bought girls clothing before and felt awkward. I just told him if he likes after school tomorrow maybe we will go pick something out for him and see if he likes it. I’m going to let him go to what he wants specifically I think that’ll be the best idea hopefully. Let him choose then I’ll buy them? When I asked him he just told me he wants to wear something pretty like his girl cousins. So it could be curiousity. When I was young I tried women’s underwear I think most boys do just to see what they feel like but I turned out to be a straight male. For me it was a teenage fetish really. I’m not certain if this is the same feeling for him though. He seems more interested in it then I ever was. Is any of this ok to talk about ? I’m felling a little shy. 

Share this post


Link to post
MaryEllen

It certainly is ok to talk about this. No need to be shy. We understand fully where you're coming from.

 

MaryEllen

Share this post


Link to post
Femdad

Thank you Mary 

Share this post


Link to post
Femdad

I have a feeling I’m in for something I know nothing about yet. All these questions I’ve been thinking about the past few days. Like what do I do if it progresses? What if he starts picking out dresses to wear and girls undies? As a musician I’m pretty liberal. It’s not going to change anything with my bond with him. As long as he’s happy I’m ok and if this makes him happy then I’m ok with it. 

Share this post


Link to post
Jani423

Greetings Femdad.  Your last line above says it all.  

6 minutes ago, Femdad said:

As long as he’s happy I’m ok and if this makes him happy then I’m ok with it.

 

I would treat it like any curiosity he may have. There is no harm in talking.  

 

Jani

Share this post


Link to post
Femdad

I agreed after talking to him to take him to the girls section at the store tomorrow after school and see what exactly he wants. I’m going to let him take the lead and try to offer guidance as best as I can. I told him he can pick out whatever he likes and we will get it. He seems like he’s really happy after me agreeing. So we will see how it goes. 

Share this post


Link to post
Charlize

Welcome Dad.  my grandson spent some time exploring gender issues prior to his seeing me transition.  His parents were also as supportive as they could be allowing him to explore his feelings.  He seems to enjoy being a boy at this point.  

Just as an aside he can be "straight" and transgender.  I am and always have been attracted to women even though i have always had gender issues.  I wish my father had had a more open attitude but as a vet of WW2 that isn't possible.  

I'm glad you are here.  That openness alone is a major step in helping your son discover his own path.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Share this post


Link to post
Femdad

Thank you for your kind words Charlize. It wouldn’t matter to me who he is attracted to really I’m an open minded person. I just want him to be happy and healthy is all. I’m willing to let him decide on what he wants. If this is truely what he wants then it’s ok. He has a charming outgoing personality. Which could possibly be enhanced if he’s hiding what’s inside. I don’t want him to feel like he has to hide things. Especially from me. He went to bed with a big smile tonight after I’ve spoke to all of you and came to the decision to take him shopping for somethings he wants. He already asked if he could pick out anything and I said it’s ok with me. This might be difficult for a single Dad. I wonder if there’s anything I could do to make him feel more comfy. I wish I had a women around to help guide him. I hope I can be mother and father to him. I’m doing my best. Thank you all again for the support. 

Share this post


Link to post
Dev

If it helps with your concerns at all, Femdad, I'll tell you dads buy clothes for their daughters all the time.  That includes underwear, which is a basic necessity.  If your son wants to try it out and you're okay with that, I can guarantee you no cashier will think twice about selling clothes to you.

Share this post


Link to post
Charlize

Another thing you might want to consider is that Halloween is approaching.  That was one time when i was able to be myself in public a few times until my parents figured out the it might be what i felt not just a costume.  Enjoy this time with your child as he discovers a path.  Depending on what you find there are therapists available who are expert in helping children with gender issues.  I don't know where in NY state you are but some therapists even work on the internet on sites like Skype or Zoom.  

We are always here to help as we can and there is nothing like the help of someone who has lived through some of the same issues.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Share this post


Link to post
Timber Wolf

Hi Femdad,

It sounds like you're a great father. While I have little new to add, I do think that if he does like girls cloths for a while, and if he talks about being a girl, it might be a good idea in the near future to seek out a gender therapist or a child psychologist with knowledge on gender identity issues with children. This might help both you and your child with understanding. If you do bring him to therapy or counselling, talk to him about it. Make sure he understands that you don't think there is something wrong with him. My parents took me to doctor after doctor, and never talked to me about it. I asumed there must be something wrong with me. Make sure he understands that he's ok, you're just trying to help him and yourself to understand things. That's my recomendation based on my experience.

 

It sounds to me like your child's got a great dad!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf🐾

Share this post


Link to post
Femdad

Thank you all for the information so much. When he woke up today he was even happier even double checked to make sure I was going to take him shopping later and I said I was he went off to school with a smile. I do agree about finding a counselor but he’s still young and very happy. At this point I think he’ll be ok. I want to see how it goes in the coming months. If this is want he wants then I want him to enjoy his youth. I read what Charlize wrote too. Hey if he’s ok with dressing for Halloween I’m ok with it also. 

Share this post


Link to post
MaryEllen

Just be aware that if he confides his feelings to his peers, he may be opening himself up to bullying. At this point it might be best if he kept his thoughts to himself

Share this post


Link to post
MarcieMarie12

One thing to do is maybe do online shopping (assuming you have the size down).  

Share this post


Link to post
Femdad

We’ll this won’t be easy for me I don’t know a lot about girls sizes. I couldn’t say what size he would be. If I had to guess it’s most likely the smallest sizes. 

Share this post


Link to post
MaryEllen

Many online clothing vendors have size charts that could be of help.

 

MaryEllen

Share this post


Link to post
Femdad

20 inch waist before I go to the store I measured from the chart I seen it says size 7 I could be wrong if there’s a smaller size that would probably work. I think most of what I can get would be small. 

 

AA88E844-6C0E-4E3D-82D1-A20166CC990D.png

Share this post


Link to post
Jani423

This is a good start.  I think you will find that sizes among different brands will vary somewhat.  They certainly do in women's sizes!   As you see the smaller sizes are grouped by weight.  Your son may be straddling the size lines at this age, especially if he's small.  I know I always did as I grew.  
 

You can go to a brick and mortar store and shop without fear.  Really.  No one cares what you're buying.  As for what to buy, you'll find everything from super-girly to tough-girl styles and everything in between.  There seems to be much more choice in girl clothing than boys.  I'm sure he will find something that suits his style and that he can wear without fear of drawing too much attention at school or out playing with friends, if he that's what he wants to do.   I would go out and have fun.  On line shopping is not fun; no instant gratification.  Plus trying clothes on is half the fun of going to the store.  So go do it and enjoy yourselves. 

 

Jani

Share this post


Link to post
Femdad

well we found a few things that he liked and picked out. 1 was a blue dress I think he was shy to try anything on so we eyed it in small. He picked out a pack of girls panties the cotton ones there’s 6 in the pack in all colors and sweat pants and a shirt. Also as we were going to check out there was like a disney nightgown that he liked so we got that also. I’m not certain what he could or can’t wear to school yet. There is a school uniform so that has to be worn. 

Share this post


Link to post
Femdad

I’m trying to think of any ways I can engage openly talking with him about it. Make this fun for him too.. Being a single dad I don’t have much info to give him or how to be more involved with what he likes? I think I’m more lost then he is if that makes sense. 

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   1 Member, 0 Anonymous, 11 Guests (See full list)

    • MaryEllen
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Posts

    • tracy_j
      An interesting read!   One of the sayings I often use, Jani, is that the difference between a man and a women is that they each inherit a different set of problems.   Tracy
    • tracy_j
      It looks very peaceful Jani. I love the colours on the trees as well!   Tracy x  
    • tracy_j
      That's lovely to hear Amy x  
    • Carolyn Marie
      http://outinjersey.net/biden-endorses-transgender-candidate-in-virginia-election-race/   Carolyn Marie
    • SteamGirlEva
      I personally started by being very vocal about my support of LGBT issues. This was during the presidential election and I've been Dem my whole adult life so it wasn't very surprising. I also worked my butt off (literally) losing weight. I prepped my friends by showing them my favorite band, Steam Powered Giraffe, who has a trans female singer. They all reacted with a kind of "that's nice, good for her" attitude so I felt safe telling them. By putting subtle hints into every day life it lets you know how people feel about the topic before you out yourself.
    • SunnyKay
      Hi Arianna!!! I'm glad you introduced yourself! I know what you are going through.....I was such a sullen and broody individual before I finally THREW the curtains OPEN and faced my issues directly. I was a very moody person, and suffered some depression here and there but it turns out it was because I was not living for myself, and I was repressing who I really was. Anyway, fast forward to 38, and this year when I finally looked at myself in the mirror and started making changes. It can be a hard and scary journey though. I have never felt better, happier or more at ease with life than I do now....but the first steps were really scary. I hope only the best for you, Arianna......your doing the right thing! Go GIRL!  Kisses and Hugs,   Sunny Kay
    • Jani423
      Hello Amy.  Things certainly sound like they are heading in the right direction for you.  Your GP sounds great too.   Jani  
    • Jani423
      Glad to hear you're OK.    Jani
    • Jani423
      A very good essay.   Interestingly the comments were not incendiary.  I liked this (partial) reply to one, though it didn't speak to the scouting aspect of the essay.  "While the specifics of moving from male to female and female to male differ, the motivations are essentially the same: they are all about identity, and really have nothing to do with "the grass is greener on the other side." We transsexuals think about this long and hard (because all we hold dear is at-risk), and we realize that when we change, we are gaining the problems of one side whilst losing the problems of the other (and having transgender problems besides!), BUT most of find the new problems worth the joy of being true to ourselves - very very few of us go back."  Hopefully the prior commenter who seemed supporting learned something.     Changing my problems for new ones; thats an action I can understand!   Jani
    • Jani423
      Line up someone to assist you with daily activities like shopping, cleaning and the such for the first week or so afterwards.  You'll be tired and busy with "homework".   Jani 
  • Today's Birthdays

    No users celebrating today
  • Upcoming Events

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      64,383
    • Total Posts
      583,356
  • TransPulse Partners

×