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Femdad

Accepting the girl

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MarcieMarie12

Nails are very dependent on the nail polish, I have had some go on real easy and some of the cheaper ones not so much. I have not done mine in a while since I have been getting mani-pedi's with gels that last a few weeks. Make sure when you do it, you do it in an area without a rug, and some place to sit and watch TV as they dry. Also, a little goes a long way--especially with a child's small hands. I find that after I let them dry, any left on my fingers tends to peel or flake off with warm soap and water. 

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Femdad

Thank you all for the info again. I told her after her shower tonight I’ll do her nails as best as I can. 

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Ravin
On 10/7/2017 at 7:51 AM, Femdad said:

Shopping shopping shopping thats what she wants to do today. Let me ask when does getting her nails done come into play because I have a feeling I might need extra hours at work lol.. Definetly a girl in the house because dads wallet is empty lol. 

 

As a penny pinching parent of a daughter, I will say that it's perfectly reasonable to draw a line as far as shopping. If you wouldn't go out and buy your kid $150 Nike shoes, it's okay to not spend the equivalent on "girl" stuff, for instance. Getting nails done can be fun as a special treat, but is hardly a necessary regular activity for a six year old, regardless of gender or gender expression.

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Femdad

Of course I know this. Some of what I said was just me kidding around about it. Because girls have their nails done almost every week. But I understand it’s not like that for her getting her nails done means Dad buys 10 bucks worth of stuff and does it himself lol. That’s what that means. As far as clothes that’s easy for me to spoil her with it’s hard for me to say no to her because she makes me laugh so much. 

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Tejana
On 10/5/2017 at 3:34 PM, Femdad said:

I must admit for a guy this just keeps getting more and more confusing. I sort of feel like she is steering the ship I’m just a passenger on her boat lol. If that makes sense. If I should say something out of place let me know because I’m very new to all of this. I try and type very carefully to make sure I word things correctly for the community. Everyone should know that I’m learning myself and if I make a mistake in what I say just let me know i think it helps me learn what I’m dealing with and in turn helps me be a better father to her. I thank you all for your input and it’s really nice to see so many great people supporting me and her. I never had people be so nice to me before. Coming on here is actually very uplifting for me because all of you are so nice and helpful and I’m thankful to have found this sight and all of you wonderful people. I’m sure this will help her too along the way.

Perhaps, I've missed something, but has the child in question asked to be referred to by female pronomial referents? [I noted a shift in pronouns midway through the thread.]

Interesting thread, things seem to be moving very fast, after only a single psychotherapy appointment.  To use the "ship" metaphor used earlier in this thread....it also appears that said ship is moving "full-speed ahead".  I suspect that the child's psychotherapist would consider that to be salient information.

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Femdad

Oh she’s just steering her own ship inch just spoiling little miss lol 

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MarcieMarie12
3 hours ago, Tejana said:

Interesting thread, things seem to be moving very fast, after only a single psychotherapy appointment.  To use the "ship" metaphor used earlier in this thread....it also appears that said ship is moving "full-speed ahead".  I suspect that the child's psychotherapist would consider that to be salient information.

 

 

Do keep in mind we do not know the full story, like how long it took her to ask her dad about getting the clothes, if most of her friends are girls, or if there is some other history Femdad has not shared.   

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Femdad

I think her interest in clothes has been going on almost a year before I broke down and decided to get her some. With finding this sight and doing some research to make sure it’s ok first that is. 

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Dev

Things seem to be moving very quickly, at least from the point of view of one on the other end of a cable wire.  Just to check in - has she asked to be referred to as a girl now, or is this something we're doing based only on her exploration?  I ask because it would be very easy to assume she's transgender - the therapist has already done so, with caution - and at her age she's still taking cues from the adults around her.  I want to make sure the pronoun change was something she asked to see, because if the world starts calling her a girl without any input from her, it may end up confusing things further for her.

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MaryEllen

It's imperative that you let your child do the leading. Do not make suggestions that could influence her thinking. A child of 6 is very open to suggestions. If your child thinks this is something you want, she may be doing the girl thing to please you. Tread lightly.

 

MaryEllen

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Charlize

 As an illustration of allowing a child to find it's own way i only have to look at my grandson.  For some time at 5 or 6 he was often to be found wrapping a scarf around himself as a skirt and wearing his mom's or aunts high heel shoes. His feet fit nicely in the toe area and he click clacked around saying: 

"i'm not a boy i'm a girl."

 He had made that decision and no-one told him couldn't do that.  He also dressed in the costumes at preschool as a girl.  In time he left that behind.  He likes his hair long and almost 11 seems quite happy with his gender and expression of that gender.  He may never be a stereo-typical male but he hasn't expressed an interest in being female for many years now.

 If he does he knows his Grandie is an ally.  I came out after he had gone through what for him may well have been a part of his developing his own identity rather than taking on either role.   He is himself.

 Please do give your child to find an identity rather than assigning one.  Your doing great in helping to find that.  Breath deep and try to relax.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

  

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Femdad

I only speak this way refer to her as her when talking on here. She hasn’t requested this but I thought I was being more correct in doing so when talking to all of you. I just didn’t want to say something wrong. It isn’t really brought up with her. She’s in her own world and is happy. 

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AnnazMom

Aloha Femdad! I am very impressed with you and your loving attitude towards your child. My child wanted underwear first and then moved to other clothes. She went through a few names before settling on Anna. We are several years into the process and are basically on puberty watch right now! I have changed all of her legal paperwork including gender marker on her birth certificate and have puberty blockers on the shelf at home when it's time. You are not there yet (and may not be), just wanted to let you know that it can all be done and you can do it if needed! One particular book was super helpful for me: The Transgender Child by Brill and Pepper. I did a ton of research and have a team of professionals helping us. This forum is invaluable for asking anything you want and we have benefited from all the expert advice and support they provide! Welcome to an incredible journey

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Charlize

Please understand that i was in no way criticizing you and if it came across that way i'm sorry.  Gender pronouns are very powerful.  I know the pain and joy they can give.  I applaud you for your efforts to allow your child room to self define.  Hopefully that will allow for a sense of peace for both of you.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Femdad

No no it’s ok. I just wanted to make sure I’m saying things the right way and not affending anyone. I have a lot to learn about this stuff still. Everything is going fine. Her therapist said she’s fine just let her have fun and be herself. 

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