Hello from Michigan

[Arianna96]

Hello everyone my name is Arianna and have been crossdressing for around 3 years. The past couple of months I have been trying to accept myself and understand who I am. I believe becoming a woman is who I truly should be. I have been struggling with identity issues since I was young. Anxiety has always taken a toll on me. Depression is something I struggle with on a regular basis. Whenever I try to turn away from my true identity I always fall into depression. Not until the past few years have I came to understand why I’m not happy with myself. Dressing up and feeling feminine are the greatest gifts I have been given. Since the first time I dressed, I have found peace within myself. When I’m Arianna, I feel happy and truly at peace. The only time in my life have I ever felt happy with myself was when I had gotten a wig, done my makeup, and dressed fem. That experience I will never forget. About a month ago I contacted a transgender helpline through email. They told me about this site. Hopefully I can meet others like me and create friendships. Currently in my life I have no one to talk to about this issue. Anyways I’m very excited to start this journey with everyone here. I’d love to get to know all of you. Xoxo Arianna

[Petra Jane]

Hi Arianna,

 

Welcome to the forums, oh, I SO know what you mean and how you feel when you get the chance to get dressed, it really is a great feeling and such a de-stresser isn't it?

 

PJ

[Charlize]

Welcome Arianna.

 Dressing certainly was the highpoint of my life for many years.  During that time all was secret but now we have this wonderful chance to meet and share our experiences with others.  We all have our own paths but here they are all equal.

Enjoy........your not alone.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jani]

Welcome Arianna!  

 

Jani

[Arianna96]

Hi! Petra Jane. It truly is a destresser dressing up. I’m currently saving up money to get my own place. It will be such a great change of pace being able to come home after work and dress up. I unfortunately had to move back with my parents. Currently going through a divorce which is rough. We are on good terms but it’s still not easy. 

 

Hello Charlize, it’s very nice to meet you. Having a place to talk with others who have or are going through what I am is truly a blessing. I would love to learn more about you. You seem like a sweet lady.

 

Hello Jani! It’s very nice to meet you as well. Hopefully we can talk more in the future.

 

All of you ladies look absolutely beautiful in your pictures! Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to reply. I’m looking forward to hearing from all of you! 

[Jani]

Arianna I'm sorry to hear of your divorce.  Things are apparently rough as you've had to move back to your parents home.  That won't last so don't let it get you down.  Breaking from the one you love is hard but is common.  Look at it as a time to reengage life and set your own priorities.  The old "make lemons into lemonade" thing.  

 

As far as establishing friendships, there are folks from all over so don't be bashful about joining in a conversation or starting one yourself.  It can be about anything at all.   Some of the fun ones are ways to engage in conversations outside of gender and we actually learn a bit more about each other.  For me, I've found we are all more alike than not.  

 

Cheers, Jani

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Arianna,

 

We're in the same neck of the woods! I'm in Michigan too. I'm so glad you're here!

When I first showed up here, I felt all alone in the world. Finding others like me has been wonderful. We don't have to be alone anymore. So pour a cup of coffee, pull up a chair by the fire, and join in the conversation. You are most welcome here!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Arianna96]

Thanks jani..I’m going to spend my time now growing and learning more about myself. Since the divorce I’ve had mood swings. For example last night I was with some friends playing video games and was happy. Then all of a sudden I started feeling very depressed and down but it passed with time. Everyday has its struggles. Video games help me to relax and focus on something. Instead of getting down on myself. I think tonight I’m going to dress up a bit. I really need it.

 

Hi! Timber wolf.. it’s great to meet someone from Michigan!  Yes you are right! We aren’t alone and finding others who are similar to us is soothing. It calms my nerves knowing others are going through what I am. Having others to talk to is the best medicine. ?

[Jani]

That's great because we all need to remember to love ourselves because sometimes we forget how important that is.  Loving oneself is the ultimate cure for depression, in my opinion.   I'm glad to hear your getting out with friends.  So you're going to dress up a bit tonight.  Great!  Are your parents accepting?

 

You're among friends here.

 

Jani 

[Arianna96]

I have never gone out dressed but plan on wearing nighttime clothes to bed tonight. My body is manly which can be a bit of mood killer when dressed. I’m trying to work on not putting so much thought into everything and over thinking. Anyways my parents don’t know about my feelings towards this. I believe my mom would be accepting but my dad not so much. My parents do a lot for me. The thought of losing them would be awful and I don’t know if transitioning into a female would be worth it then. I’m probably just over a thinking it. I would hate to lose the ones I love because they don’t understand and are willing to accept my gender dsyphoria. It’s scary to be honest.

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Arianna,

The thought of coming out to family is terrifying early on. Heck, it's terrifying until we've done it. At first it was a petrifying fear for me. In time, I just couldn't keep up the double life with them. I had to be able to be me. Both my parrents have passed, so I chose my younger sibling and sent her a coming out email, then held my breath figuratively. The next morning the reply came. She not only accepted me, she was very supportive! As I read it I laughed and wept with joy and relief. My two older siblings accept me too. I'm now Carla with my family, and have been for almost a year now. Even my oldest sister who I was most afraid would reject me accepts me. 

On the other hand, the one who was my best friend has not accepted me as Carla. And I thought he would accept me. We never really know. 

I hope one day you are able to be yourself with your family, whoever you turn out to be. Just remember it's a jourrney, there's no need to do everything fast. Take your time and do things when you are ready.

There's no rush to even put a specific label on yourself yet.  Explore yourself. Get to know who you are. And above all, love yourself. We will love you until you can love yourself!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[MarcieMarie12]

Welcome to Transpulse Arianna! Comming out ot family and friends was one of the hardest parts of my transition. You don't really know what will happen. The expectations I had were pretty low, and one thing to keep in mind is the first reaction is not always the final reaction. Some people might take time to adjust.

 

Hugs, 

Marcie

[SunnyKay]

Hi Arianna!!! I'm glad you introduced yourself! I know what you are going through.....I was such a sullen and broody individual before I finally THREW the curtains OPEN and faced my issues directly. I was a very moody person, and suffered some depression here and there but it turns out it was because I was not living for myself, and I was repressing who I really was. Anyway, fast forward to 38, and this year when I finally looked at myself in the mirror and started making changes. It can be a hard and scary journey though. I have never felt better, happier or more at ease with life than I do now....but the first steps were really scary. I hope only the best for you, Arianna......your doing the right thing! Go GIRL!  Kisses and Hugs,

 

Sunny Kay

[Arianna96]

Thanks you so much ladies for the positive words! You’re all very sweet. Everyday is a struggle but I just remember to always tell myself it’s ok to feel this way. I’m thankful that I’m actually taking steps to figure out who I am. I’m always catching myself trying to push the feelings aside. Even though I know it’s not what I should be doing. Lately I have been trying my best to not do that. When I do push those feelings aside, I get depressed and really hate myself. Life is such a roller coaster that it’s hard to always want to stay on the tracks. At some moments I’m thankful that I do feel this way. In a way I feel lucky to have figured out why I get down on myself. For my whole life I never knew what was causing my depression but now I know it has to deal with identity issues. A few years ago I had such bad anxiety that I wouldn’t talk to really anyone. When I get anxious I shake really bad. Thankfully I have gotten over that for the most part. It’s time to start loving myself. I can’t go anymore days not loving myself. I consider myself a very open person. It’s the greatest gift I have ever been given. When I was 14 I went on a mission trip to Costa Rica with the church my family attended. That was the most life changing experience I have ever had. I truly became a different person but for the better. Ever since I started to accept other things in life that I didn’t understand instead of pushing them aside because they are different, was the best thing that has happened to me. I was finally open to all things life had to give. It helped me to seek out who I am and what I like. All of you ladies are so very sweet and I appreciate reading everything you have to say. I check in often to see what said next lol. Anyways sorry for rambling. I’m just happy to talk to others. ?

[Timber Wolf]

Ramble on!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[MaryEllen]

Hello Arianna,

 

Welcome to TransgenderPulse. Thank you for sharing with us. Glad to have you with us.

 

MaryEllen

[Jani]

Hello Arianna, 

On 10/23/2017 at 9:35 PM, Arianna96 said:

When I do push those feelings aside, I get depressed and really hate myself

As you note this is not a good position to take.  Understanding why we get down is the first step to addressing the issue and moving forward.  It seems you are doing this.  Focus on the positive aspects of your life.  Yes they are there.  Sometimes we overlook the good things.  The bad times don't last.

 

Jani

[Arianna96]

Agreed! The bad times always pass. I’ve still been up and down emotionally. Everyday is a challenge but I gotta keep moving forward. It’s just hard not being able to freely dress when I need and want to. Lately, I have been watching drag queen shows and love it! I would really like to see one in person. The queens always look so sexy!