1st GT session today, how do you qualify a gender therapist as competent if not outstanding?

[Lauryn Michelle]

Extraction of the internal, see what comes out. I do have a sense of "ridiculousness" about seeing a GT, as if this couldn't be my reality, and I am going to laugh or frown at that time I saw a Gender therapist. There is this fear that I am a pretender that is just trying to avoid something, though if that is true and it could be revealed, well then good. What is to remember is that I am doing the best I can at learning, weighing doubts, and accepting myself no matter what lies ahead. I dont have anybody to talk to about this stuff(an old thought, if i talk about it, it becomes real, so i must not talk about it), so it is good this forum exists, and that I have a therapist now(hopefully a competent one). It gets emotional, and i dont understand why, i dont understand the elation, and the sadness.

Does anybody have ways of qualifying a potential Gender Therapist?

[MarcieMarie12]

My criteria: One that helps you figure things out for yourself and not one that tells you what you are.

[Jani]

Well, they should mention Gender or Transgender in their list of services provided.  Marcie is spot on with her assessment.  Mine guided me on my journey.

 

Jani

[Rowan]

Make sure you tell your therapist about these doubts and thoughts of being a "pretender". That's exactly what they are there for. To help you understand yourself, and those thoughts. I don't know what I would have done if it wasn't for my therapist.

[Charlize]

My therapist offered me a place where i could open up and explain feelings, actions, fears and eventually hopes without being judged.  From my experience the doubts you feel are not unusual.  I know i had them and despite years of being out as myself i still can get hit by doubts on occasion.  It's rare now but perhaps can be felt by many of us.  Finding a level of comfort was certainly helped by my therapist but as much as anything that was because i was as honest and open as possible for the first time in my life.  It was certainly emotional, filled with elation and sadness.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Carolyn Marie]

4 hours ago, Clara Bell said:

.There is this fear that I am a pretender that is just trying to avoid something, though if that is true and it could be revealed, well then good. What is to remember is that I am doing the best I can at learning, weighing doubts, and accepting myself no matter what lies ahead.

 

Wow, that sounds so much like what I went through, Clara Bell.  I, too, thought maybe I was just pretending, and my GT talked to me a lot about it.  Please do be honest with your therapist about how you feel, and they will help you work through it, if they are any good at all.

 

Your therapist should let you do most of the talking, hon.  Be sure they have some experience with trans issues, and have some resources at hand to help you if and when you need them, such as endos and trans-friendly service providers such as electrologist and surgeons.

 

Carolyn Marie

[Gwen]

16 hours ago, Charlize said:

My therapist offered me a place where i could open up and explain feelings, actions, fears and eventually hopes without being judged. 

I agree with Charlize. After a session or two with my new therapist I learned I could tell her ANYTHING without her giving me an odd look or reaction. She always expressed warmth and understanding while guiding me through my ramblings, and she reflected back when she noticed me responding emotionally to what I was telling her. Good or bad. (I tend to laugh when I'm happy!)

Clara Bell I can understand the confusing mix of emotions during your sessions. So much is coming out that's been buried deep for so long. Stuff we didn't even know existed. I truly hope you eventually have a positive experience and learn lots about yourself.

 

Hugs from the Midwest!

[Jani]

52 minutes ago, Gwen said:

17 hours ago, Charlize said:

My therapist offered me a place where i could open up and explain feelings, actions, fears and eventually hopes without being judged. 

I agree with Charlize. After a session or two with my new therapist I learned I could tell her ANYTHING without her giving me an odd look or reaction. She always expressed warmth and understanding

 

Yes, this^.   I was so comfortable with my therapist I opened up with things I would have never told anyone.  This certainly helped me leave the past behind and move forward.

 

Jani

[Lauryn Michelle]

Feeling really supported by all of your responses, thank you so much. Its great to know that others relate, and that my feelings arent unusual. Its great that you all have come before me, and offer your help.

 

Its amazing that Carolyn identified with "the pretender" as well. Now i am starting to wonder if the pretender isnt me thinking i might be a different gender, rather the pretender may have been me believing and acting that I was male.

Gwen you are right about emotions surrounding what has been buried. I just felt like crying at one point today with my family, but i had to suck it in, or at least i couldnt show raw emotion out of the seemingly blue. Emotions are indicators, deciphering  whats indicated is difficult. To just get sad and cry, i am at a loss for that one, is it grief? Fear? Shame?

 

Unfortunate about my first therapy session, the therapist is a little hard of hearing. I confirmed with him on the phone that he specialized in Gender, then when i got there the first thing he said is that he isnt a gender therapist, haha! Nice guy though, had sound advice for my negative self talk, shame, and "shouldings". He was supportive, direct, and practical, but i dont know that he will suffice.... 

 

Thank you all

 

Clara Bell

[Lauryn Michelle]

Ok, 3rd therapist is charm! The network from my insurance was wretched. I would walk away from therapy sessions feeling worse than before and not from growing pains.

 

I gave in, and am paying out of hand, but it is worth it! I already feel connected to and impressed by my therapist! She is amazing, and TG! Someone i know gets it! And a professional woman i can model after! Feeling so dam blessed right now! Next weeks session just cant come soon enough, and i will get to dress as me while with her ❤

 

I am coning out to more good friends who have been beyond what i could have imagined. They said they would take me to the city and hang out with me as "her". My heart is touched. One friend stepped up and offered support to be there for when i tell my brother after the holidays. I have learned that it is best to have another person there when telling another important person. It allows  support for the newly informed, gives a buffer-zone for processing, makes me not look like some crazy unstable person who "went off the reservation", because there is another sane person present that validates my experience. I see a map in my mind that connects to my heart. Next my brother, then once i have enough money for an "emergency move", i will tell my roomate whom is also my landlord. I think he will be ok with it, but just incase, i can move out fast and go be "ME". On and on this will go. I am full of hope

 

Thank you community!

 

Oh, found out "Clara Bell" is a fat cow from.Disney cartoons, haga! So name change in order! My friend likes "Lauryn Teagan" which happens to be a cothing line and my mithers initials. I was also thinking "Lauryn Michelle", it sounds more down to earth, and it mirrors my middle name "Michael".

 

Take care!

[Timber Wolf]

It's great to have supportive friends and family! I'm glad things are going well.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Jani]

4 hours ago, Clara Bell said:

I was also thinking "Lauryn Michelle", it sounds more down to earth, and it mirrors my middle name "Michael".

I like this.  If you think is sounds like you, then go for it!  

Jani

[Charlize]

That is great Lauryn.  I'm glad you found a person you could open up with.  That makes all the difference.  As to name....try it on and see how it feels.  Funny how in time mine has grown to be truly me.  At first i didn't respond to it when i heard it but now it's just me.  All this takes time.  That was something i hated before but now embrace as i find a path and direction towards peace with myself and the world i've learned to breath and look at the beauty of what's around now.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize