Scared and Confused

[Alessa]

Hello,

 

I am a 31 yo male (by sex) who is just now coming to terms with not fitting into a gender role. I put on a brave face and conformed to expectations for so long. Recently, when I suspected I was lost, I was strongly empowered by a female identity; it felt better, but not right. Some friends and research pushed me in the direction of Androgyny. Reading all the stories, seeing all the people, and imagining making experimental changes in my life; it does feel right. It feels more right than anything else ever, but I'm hesitant. I feel like I'm walking across a frozen lake trying to allow myself to explore.

 

What really scares me is the potential for judgement at work, socially, and by my own family including my 5 yo daughter who I don't want to confuse. I've been experiencing a torrent of thoughts like, "I only know how to do male, so how do I do androgyny; how do I do me?" and "Where do I fit in? I feel like I don't fit in anywhere!"

 

I don't mean to sound overly dramatic, but I do feel like I'm alone and drowning and any kind of contact, guidance, or acceptance would be like a miracle to me.

Thank you.

[Kristen1114]

The only advice I can offer is do what makes you comfortable~

The ones that love you will accept you for you and

I'm sure you daughter would come to understand it to.

If you don't know how to be anything other than male

then maybe try things, trust me, you are not alone~

In fact, maybe shoot me a pm, and you can add me on discord or skype.

[Dev]

Welcome Alessa,

 

Sudden realizations such as yours can come as quite a shock.  I think an important thing to know right away is that there is no time limit on discovering yourself.  Androgyny is a wonderful in-between, a place on the spectrum where you can express yourself with aspects of both masculine and feminine.  You don't have to be both in equal measure.  I encourage you to take time to discover who you are, where your interests lie, and form your new identity as it comes to you, rather than feeling as if you have to create one out of whole cloth from the start.

 

A gender therapist may be of great help to you here; someone trained in working with folks outside the gender binary can help you explore yourself in a safe setting and keep you on the right track to finding yourself.  If you choose to go that route, we offer a resource locator that includes gender therapists; you can use it to find those in your area who work with gender non-conforming folks.

 

You may also wish to involve yourself socially here on the forums and in our live chat rooms to expose yourself to the experiences of others.  In doing so, you might find aspects of gender expression you'd like to try out for yourself.

 

Again, welcome!  Please don't be shy about asking questions!

[Dev]

And a side note about children - they take their cues from their parents, and especially at your daughter's age are remarkably open-minded.

[Alessa]

5 minutes ago, Kristen1114 said:

The only advice I can offer is do what makes you comfortable~

The ones that love you will accept you for you and

I'm sure you daughter would come to understand it to.

If you don't know how to be anything other than male

then maybe try things, trust me, you are not alone~

In fact, maybe shoot me a pm, and you can add me on discord or skype.

 

I would love to PM. While I'm not on discord or skype, I am on Facebook and Google Hangouts.  Thank for the reassurance, and it's definitely frustrating feeling like I don't belong anywhere at all. I've ordered a few items for me to try out online just to kind of see what happens. It's been a really emotional week for me. It's even an emotional day for me today.

[Alessa]

5 minutes ago, Dev said:

Welcome Alessa,

 

Sudden realizations such as yours can come as quite a shock.  I think an important thing to know right away is that there is no time limit on discovering yourself.  Androgyny is a wonderful in-between, a place on the spectrum where you can express yourself with aspects of both masculine and feminine.  You don't have to be both in equal measure.  I encourage you to take time to discover who you are, where your interests lie, and form your new identity as it comes to you, rather than feeling as if you have to create one out of whole cloth from the start.

 

A gender therapist may be of great help to you here; someone trained in working with folks outside the gender binary can help you explore yourself in a safe setting and keep you on the right track to finding yourself.  If you choose to go that route, we offer a resource locator that includes gender therapists; you can use it to find those in your area who work with gender non-conforming folks.

 

You may also wish to involve yourself socially here on the forums and in our live chat rooms to expose yourself to the experiences of others.  In doing so, you might find aspects of gender expression you'd like to try out for yourself.

 

Again, welcome!  Please don't be shy about asking questions!

 

I don't think I can afford therapy right now especially because I just broke up with a girlfriend because things just didn't feel right. I appreciate the reassurance about kids. I shaved my beard off this past week, and she commented already that I don't look like me without it which made me really nervous about anything else. I definitely do want to become more involved here. I feel like I might have a place where I belong. I hope.

[MarcieMarie12]

Welcome Alessa, kids have a way of adjusting. Especially at that age. You may want to find a local support group for Transgender of LGBT individuals. Also, transiotioning is such an indiviual thing, there is no one  way to transition. Especially for those that are non-binary. 

 

Hugs,

Marcie