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Nora Kayte

Telling wife about having an orchiectomy

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Nora Kayte

Ya know. I know this all comes down to communication. But it’s so hard to tell my wife anything. And last time I told her I wanted an orchiectomy she flipped. And I mean flipped. Now even though we did revisit the subject at her request and I think she understands that one less pill in my body is benificial, to go back to the subject and basically ask her permission is going to suck. Especially if I am expecting a good reaction and I get a bad one. Or I could just lie and do it on my own and not tell her. It’s not like it will change anything. 

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I can see that this is a bit tricky, as it takes our partners time to catch up with our progress. I do feel though that any big change needs discussing jointly, as far as possible. Keeping secrets breeds distrust, and that is one thing you do not need. Being able to trust someone is one of the major things that, in my opinion, holds people together.


If it were me I would say I was going to have it and why. Give her the opportunity to reply, but not asking permission as such. It may take a little while to get her on your side, but she will at least feel she has some input. You have invested in each other so have joint interest.


Good luck



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My orchiectomy was certainly awkward to discuss with my wife.  I think that is universal. I'm not sure what i can say that can make it easier.  I will say that patience and understanding helps.  My wife didn't sign up for a trans* woman.  That being said it has worked out fine for us and i am certainly healthier and more comfortable in myself post op.  Best of luck with this.  Let us know how it goes.  Your not alone.





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Carolyn Marie

Nora, I agree with Tracy.  Not telling her is a very bad idea.  When I wanted to have mine, I explained all my reasons to my wife, and the one that seemed to resonate most with her was that it was the best alternative to having GCS, which neither of us wanted for me.  It hasn't been a problem since, and the orchi has worked out better than I had hoped.  I hope she will come to understand and accept your decision.


Carolyn Marie

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I have to agree that no paying anything is a bad idea.  Always.  You two seem to have differing communication styles from what I've read in your other posts so I would probably try to understand this from her point of view.  I'm not saying you should not have the procedure or that your wife should be totally on board with it but she should be able to understand and agree why it's important to you.  I think thats what we owe our spouses as part of being in a marriage.  Maybe you could present information about what the outcome will entail, physically, emotionally and with your relationship.  These are most likely all unknowns to her.   We don't always do things our spouses are happy with but we give them the space they need to process the information.  



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It's good you are trying to communicate with your wife about the orchi. In the end, you have to make a decision for yourself, and based on your needs. Its your life to live. It's something she might not really ever come to terms with, but you might have to accept that. Hopefully she will come around though.....


All The Best,

Sunny Kay

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