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Scott D

HRT for MTF teen

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Scott D

My name is Scott and I am the father of Ben, who has come out to us as wanting to be a girl. We have just started therapy.  I have read some opinions that at the proper time, that instead of hormone blockers, it may be better to go ahead and do the HRT therapy with biodentical female hormones.  I was wondering if anybody here has experienced this or has a child that has.  We feel that Ben probably is transgender because of his behaviour, interests, disinterests, walk, etc. all of his life.  We think that it may be advisesble to do this so he/she could experience the early teen years with the other kids as normal as possible.

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Dev

Hello and welcome to TransPulse!

 

You'll find differing opinions and attitudes among doctors who prescribe HRT for children.  Some prefer to use blockers only, while others have no problem starting teens on the full course as early as is appropriate.  If you, Ben, and Ben's therapist are fully comfortable with the idea that Ben is transgender and find no room for doubt, it's likely the therapist can point you toward an endocrinologist who will help in whatever way the three of you together determine is appropriate.

 

In case you need it, we do have a resource locator that will help you find local therapists and endocrinologists who work with the trans community.  It's worth noting, though, that not all endocrinologists will work with minors, so some investigating will have to be done there.

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Scott D
19 minutes ago, Dev said:

Hello and welcome to TransPulse!

 

You'll find differing opinions and attitudes among doctors who prescribe HRT for children.  Some prefer to use blockers only, while others have no problem starting teens on the full course as early as is appropriate.  If you, Ben, and Ben's therapist are fully comfortable with the idea that Ben is transgender and find no room for doubt, it's likely the therapist can point you toward an endocrinologist who will help in whatever way the three of you together determine is appropriate.

 

In case you need it, we do have a resource locator that will help you find local therapists and endocrinologists who work with the trans community.  It's worth noting, though, that not all endocrinologists will work with minors, so some investigating will have to be done there.

Thanks Dev.  We live in Memphis and we think we have found the best therapist, who is also transgender FTM. He is giving us the contact info of the only endrocrinologist in our area who will treat young teens.  I’ve done a lot of reading on transgender issues in the past few weeks and this issue has caught my attention as it serms to make a lot of sense and the therapist acknowleged it also. We are waiting for the sessions to play out to more or less confirm our feeling thay she is transgender.  I was just looking for any personal experiences with this as far as is there any negatives or is it the best idea etc.

 

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MaryMary

My 2 cents :

I have the experience of not treating it. I went to every doctor in my city. Back then, nobody knew what transgender was where I lived. The best is to go ahead if everyone agree that there's no doubt. But, if she persisted for many years in saying she's a girl it's already a good start. If the therapist agree on top of that then it's great.

 

The advantage of starting early is that she will blend in more easily and be able to emancipate sooner. I did not treat it and my teenage years have been ones of depression and suicidal thoughts. I don't wish that to your daughter. If she persist and if she's sure of herself and if the therapist agrees on a professional level then I think it's worth it.

 

If it's uncertain still then I think it's worth to go on blockers and see. What I can tell you is that even though it was not treated for me I still got bullied and still was victim of violence and all this stuff. My voice was not able to change to a man's voice because I was so traumatized. In my experience, and it's only anectdotal, waiting will not necessarily make her avoid the worst of it. I was so weak and so down I was just able to take hits and I never was able to defend myself. Maybe at first it will be hard to go trough transition but in my experience since I made my transition just the mental strength it gives you is worth it. It will make it easier for her to go trough what difficulties she will have to go trough.

 

If on top of that she have the amazing support of her parents then.... what will stop her in life? :P

 

it's just my 2 cents and my experience. It's sure that if you ask someone like me who was thrown from one doctor to the next and was bullied by everyone I will vote to go ahead, I would do that for my children if they were transgender.

 

What I would be mainly curious about is to know if she's sure of it? Is she asking for this? Is she motivated by  the prospect of a transition? I think from my experiences with therapists at a young age and an older age is that a lot of response to your question are already in her. The therapist can help her but he cannot give the go ahead if it's not first of all coming from her.

 

 

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Scott D

Actually his natal sex is male and he’s wanting to be a girl. I said she to try to stick with the norm here. He has not stated this before recently.  My wife and I have always wondered if he might be gay, which he insists he’s not.  He lights up at the mention of transition and meeting other transkids.  The only reservation I have is to give time to determine as much as possible that he is transgender, which he also insists that he is.  On top of his lifelong behaviour, ashamed of his genitals, etc., my wife was on female hormones during a high risk pregnancy to prevent miscarriage.  Which falls into the theory that he did not get male hormones during the 2nd trimester leading to transgender. The therapist suggested to start around 13-14 yrs of age if we decide to do that. He is now 11.

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Scott D

He also has mentioned suicide and has scratched his wrists. We had no idea where all if this was coming from because we couldn’t connect the dots since he hadn’t come out yet and we simply were not educated about transgender issues.

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Jani423

Just reading what you have written I would make the call for going on blockers to forestall the onset of puberty.  This will give her and you as her parents time to calmly assess where her life is going.   Certainly there is precedent for this to be consistent and persistent throughout her adolescence.  If later things change and she determines this is not the path for her, coming off the blocker will allow for the onset of male puberty. 

 

Jani

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VickySGV

I agree with Jani that the puberty blockers should be the first line approach while you are ALL 3 still getting started on this trip.  A young Trans woman (age 16) whom I know personally (honorary / chosen family niece) did start on the blockers, but that lasted only a short time in her case because she was referred to a very well known children and youth transgender clinic at Los Angeles Childrens Hospital where their experience with people her age enabled quicker evaluation.  Your child must have the FINAL SAY on what they think is best for them though, and a good clinic will listen to them and could tell you to back out while they go to work.  A clinic, on the other side of this, may use the hormones as a diagnostic tool at low doses for a given time period.  If your child improves in a number areas, then the hormones will be ramped up, if no change, blockers may go on for a while or hormones may not be a viable answer.  Be ready for any of this, but let the child know at all times they are loved, 

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Charlize

   It may well be that the reason your child has had self destructive thoughts was due to a lack of knowledge of the possibilities and the reason for feeling down.  It is hard to come out if you don't know it is possible or that your not alone in your feelings.  I offer that idea in part because i spent most of my life thinking i was simply a perverted crazy person.  The fact that i could possibly express myself as i felt and move towards the body i felt was me wasn't ever a possibility.  I think that may have been common in my generation.  You and your child are fortunate to be able to find support and help at this point.  

   Hopefully your therapist is guiding your family well.  Your love and support regardless of your child's decisions are probably the most important step towards acceptance for all of you.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

   

   

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DenimAndLace
49 minutes ago, Scott D said:

The therapist suggested to start around 13-14 yrs of age if we decide to do that. He is now 11.

 

This is a game changer in my opinion.  You have time to decide about HRT so use it to your advantage.  Let your child dress how they want, do what they want to do and go by whatever name and pronouns they want for the next couple years.  Use your gender therapist, get your child together with other trans kids and adults, read, talk to your child candidly about their gender and feelings until the is no doubt and no fear of regret if transition is decided upon.  I'm not giving you advice, only feedback based on what little you've said so far, but my thought is that full on HRT  sounds premature.  Blockers MAY be a good idea but that's for an endocrinologist to decide.  Again, I am not qualified to give professional recommendations but you're just asking for a sounding board right?

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MaryMary
54 minutes ago, Scott D said:

The therapist suggested to start around 13-14 yrs of age if we decide to do that. He is now 11.

 

if he goes on puberty blocker between 11 and 13 it sounds like a good plan. It will give her and her therapist the time to be sure about the way to go. It will also give you the time to adjust to calling her... her, the transition is not a transition only for the child, it's also one for the parents. The support from the parents is super important. Your daughter situation remind me of my own. It's true that after a life of not meeting people like you seeing other transgender kids/teen must be amazing :)

 

I was going trough about the same things has your child at her age. Today I have made my transition, i'm really happy, I have 2 childrens, a good work that pays very well. If I remember what my parents were thinking at that time my guess is that it can be scary and difficult for you but don't worry. If you are there for her everything will work out fine and she'll do great.

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Scott D

Thanks everybody.  We’re thinking probably the blockers first and that is what I think the endrocrinologist will suggest.  I wasn’t sure what age he will be at the correct Tanner stage.  He acts like he’s ready to do whatever and we think he’s been reading something on this.  He’s still a little immature. The wife took him out ‘shopping’.   He can live like he wants around the house, he’s not sure what he wants yet. The therapist suggested not coming out yet next yr at school. Latet when he does, we may consider a different school if he has too many problems.

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Scott D
1 hour ago, DenimAndLace said:

 

This is a game changer in my opinion.  You have time to decide about HRT so use it to your advantage.  Let your child dress how they want, do what they want to do and go by whatever name and pronouns they want for the next couple years.  Use your gender therapist, get your child together with other trans kids and adults, read, talk to your child candidly about their gender and feelings until the is no doubt and no fear of regret if transition is decided upon.  I'm not giving you advice, only feedback based on what little you've said so far, but my thought is that full on HRT  sounds premature.  Blockers MAY be a good idea but that's for an endocrinologist to decide.  Again, I am not qualified to give professional recommendations but you're just asking for a sounding board right?

Denim and Lace, yes I’m just trying to get ideas and opinions from people with exerience. There seem to be so many factors to consider about, such as waiting long enough for him to develop in case he chooses STS  when he comes of age, but not so long he gets male traits like the voice, facial features, hair etc.  he would probably be a tall person also, so I see the chance of it being a small window for different treatments as far as development while trying to let him/ her live the life in the developing body that seems appropiate.

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Jani423

Scott, just to keep in the back of your mind, MtF hormones at a young age will avoid the male traits you mention and it may not allow for growth spurts that might make a male tall but if tallness is in your family your child may get tall.  

 

I am tall and several of my sisters and cousins are tall.  In fact at six feet, one of my female cousins is as tall as me!  Don't let height be looked at as an exclusively male trait.  Tall girls rock! 

 

Jani

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Scott D
7 hours ago, Jani423 said:

Scott, just to keep in the back of your mind, MtF hormones at a young age will avoid the male traits you mention and it may not allow for growth spurts that might make a male tall but if tallness is in your family your child may get tall.  

 

I am tall and several of my sisters and cousins are tall.  In fact at six feet, one of my female cousins is as tall as me!  Don't let height be looked at as an exclusively male trait.  Tall girls rock! 

 

Jani

Jani, I mostly agree with you. When I first read about that particular issue, O was thinking the same thing.  Skinnyness early on is another trait in my family though and I was picturing Ben as a 6 something skinny male dressing and acting female.  Imagination may be the end of me.

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Charlize

Scott you will probably see your child as male for some time regardless of  societies perception.  It has taken my family much longer to accept me as myself than the world.  It is only as they join me in moving through the world that they can see that others accept me as i present and not as a man in a skirt.  It has been a slow process but please don't allow your feelings to grow.  As other expressed their acceptance it helped me have the confidence to simply live my life without fear.  The last line of your post says it well.   " Imagination may be the end of me"

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

 

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Scott D
1 hour ago, Charlize said:

Scott you will probably see your child as male for some time regardless of  societies perception.  It has taken my family much longer to accept me as myself than the world.  It is only as they join me in moving through the world that they can see that others accept me as i present and not as a man in a skirt.  It has been a slow process but please don't allow your feelings to grow.  As other expressed their acceptance it helped me have the confidence to simply live my life without fear.  The last line of your post says it well.   " Imagination may be the end of me"

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

 

I’m 62 with 4 sons, 44, 29, 11 & 7 and it seems I’m a little more protective of these younger ones.  It didn’t take much reading to figure out how ideal it was to get a proactive plan in place since he’s took the step of coming out this early and so adamanant about it.  I’m one of those types that research whatever issue I’m dealing with to the point I over do it sometimes.  I was picked on because I was so skinny when I was so young, so I don’t want Ben to have to go through any more than is absolutely necessary.  I’ve also always been a liberal/progressive person too.

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MaryMary
3 hours ago, Scott D said:

I’m 62 with 4 sons, 44, 29, 11 & 7 and it seems I’m a little more protective of these younger ones.  It didn’t take much reading to figure out how ideal it was to get a proactive plan in place since he’s took the step of coming out this early and so adamanant about it.  I’m one of those types that research whatever issue I’m dealing with to the point I over do it sometimes.

 

You seem like an amazing dad :)

Keep up the good work. I'm just like you for research, i've read sooooo much about this topic, lol

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Scott D
1 hour ago, MaryMary said:

 

You seem like an amazing dad :)

Keep up the good work. I'm just like you for research, i've read sooooo much about this topic, lol

Thanks Mary and I appreciate all the input and advice ya’ll have had.   

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