alcohol

[BC]

i can't stop drinking. all the ways i've gotten a grip on it before aren't working. especially since i started to transition i can't do them anymore. they weren't healthy things so i don't think it's bad in itself that i can't do them but i'm drinking a litre or so of spirits a day and it's interfering with work, life, health etc. i can't figure out how to rearrarnge things in my head to get it to stop. a bit worried that it's the hormones interfering. not that i will stop them but just finding it hard i guess.

[Timber Wolf]

Hi BC,

I'm a recovering addict. I've spent years of my life trying to quit drugs my own way with a 0% success rate. I finally came to realise that my way doesn't work. I had to try someone elses way. I had no idea if that would work or not, but I was desperate. After rehab I started attending 12 step meetings. That was over 11 years ago. I'm still clean because I was finally willing to open my mind to someone elses way. My own way simply didn't work. You can quit drinking and find recovery too if you're willing to do whatever it takes. 

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Charlize]

Thanks for being so honest BC.  Many of us find that very hard to do.  It took me much too long to admit i had a problem with alcohol and it nearly killed me.  I knew i couldn't stop but at the same time alcohol had long since stopped giving me the joy or peace it had once offered.  I just wanted more.  I am grateful that i reached out and found a meeting of AA.  I'm sure if you google AA you will find meetings in your area.  There are also online meetings both as list serves, chat or audio visual meetings on Skype or other platform.  One Zoom trans* meeting i attend is pined in this forum.  I find those meeting especially helpful as we can share both our addiction and gender issues.  Times can be difficult for folks in Europe but we do get folks from Germany, Italy and England as well as Australia and across the US and Canada.  There is a way out of the hole you find yourself in and many are here with hands extended.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Guest Rachel Gia]

AA worked for me when I could not stay stoppes by myself.

Sounds like you have the desire to stay stopped and that is all you need.

Much Love

Rachel 

 

[VickySGV]

Chapter 3 of The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous puts it rather bluntly about alcohol.  "Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, and powerful -- without help it is too much for us..."  I am another one who follows the same pattern, but with help I have been sober for over 9 years now, but I NEVER could have done it MY WAY.  Sure, HRT does open up some emotions that alcohol addicts are trying to hide, but it is not a reason to use more booze.  In my case, actually the HRT and the nine months of sober living that preceded getting the E prescribed for me, totally smashed my craving and desire to drink, and that has remained a constant in the 9 years of my transitioning, all the way through to "The Other Side" of surgery.  Just get used to the fact that alcohol is poison for you and join the mob of us here on this site who live and love our total sobriety.  

[onaquest]

From the chapter We Do Recover (Narcotics Anonymous):

"Today ,secure in the love of the Fellowship, we can finally look another human in the eye and be grateful for who we are."

It is possible to stop and there are some great resources here. Alcohol and HRT are a bad plan anyway because of possible complications. Come visit us in the zoom or chat meetings, recovery is possible.

[BC]

heyas, thanks for replying. i tried AA a few years back after i got out of detox but it didn't really work for me... going to meetings and hearing ppl talking about it made me just think about what i was missing so i stopped going. then stayed sober for a while and then started again and it escalated to where i am now. i'm trying to get a grip on it but seems to be slipping away from me. nothing anybody can fix.

 

i feel bad that it's getting worse since i started T. like everything is meant to get better when you transition and this isn't, which makes me doubt other stuff, which makes me drink more. blech. life's a bitch  

[VickySGV]

The problem is that you quit going, and I doubt that you were really listening to them, because we tell our stories of what it was like while drinking (and YOU thought you would miss all of that good stuff!!) , what happened when we hit bottom (you may have missed those parts while you thought about the stuff you found fun) and especially you missed out on the parts of how VERY MUCH BETTER life became after we sobered up.  Now those things are truly wonderful and exciting.  Your doctor can get you on or off the T, but you have to get YOURSELF off the booze!!  Maybe the T is NOT FOR YOU.  I know people that has happened to and no shame to that either. 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi BC,

In my earlier post I said you can recover too if you are willing to do whatever it takes. Willingness is the critical word here. It usually takes a sence of desperation for us to become willing. A few years back you say you kept thinking about how you missed it and just wanted to drink again. A few years back you weren't ready to quit yet. You may be more willing by now. The truth is, the "good times" will never return. Oh, they'll come along just enough to lead you on like bait in a trap, but then hell will return when the trap springs. 

 

I remember an addict who used to come to NA meetings still using between meetings. He said he wasn't ready to quit quite yet, he was just looking for that willingness to quit and recover. He found it! He did finally quit.

 

When I first sought help, I wasn't completely committed to it. I still had desire to use drugs. But I saw others working on recovery and they seemed to be pretty happy. I just kept going to meetings, then one day I thought about it and realised I really didn't want to use drugs anymore. Even though I hadn't used drugs for a few months, that was the day I really turned and walked away from them. It was making the effort to go to meetings, and even more importantly making the effort to open my mind to recovery and the things they taught me in the meetings that finally gave me the willingness. 

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Charlize]

   There was a point years before i stopped drinking when i understood not only did i not want to stop but somehow i knew i couldn't.  Years past, shakes every day, all day became the norm.  I could only steady myself with alcohol.  I started to hallucinate.  They were not the fun visions of some i'd had doing drugs in the 60's.  Horrible visions would simply appear.  

   I've heard alcoholism and addiction spoken of as an elevator.  We can get off at any level especially if we are honest about having a problem.   I will suffer from damage done for the rest of my most likely shortened life. 

    I was blessed that when i went to an AA meeting i had a belief that it might work.  My wife had worked at a prominent addictions hospital for over 17 years.  She said it was the only program that ever seemed to give permanent sobriety.  The hospital could get one sobered up but the program was necessary to stay sober.

   I am grateful that i believed.  Today i live a life beyond my wildest dreams.  Not only am i sober but i'm living as myself and most days i'm relatively peaceful and pretty happy.

   It was my decision to believe and seek sobriety.  I can't give anyone that desire but i do know there is a solution if we work for it.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

 

[onaquest]

"White knuckling" rarely if ever works, but there are 5 suggestions that do:

1. go to meetings regularly.

2. pray and meditate

3. read the literature

4. work the steps with a sponsor

5. don't pick up no matter what