I'm His First - Relationship Fears

[MilaniKisses]

Hello All,

 

I'm recently engaged to a guy who fell in love with me a few years before we ever met.  He was always hesitant about approaching me or meeting in person as he has always been into cis-gender females.  Anyways fast forwarding to today, we hit a 6 month milestone on being together.  We also have recently been engaged. 

 

Ok, here are my concerns...

Recently, he had mentioned some things during intimate times which leads me to believe he is missing the equipment of a cis-female.  I obviously can not give him what he desires, so I have thought about exploring an open relationship. However, I am having a hard time trying to open  up to the idea of sharing my fiance with others.

 

Has anyone else been in a similar situation of wanting to please/fill a void for your partner but can't?  If you did, how?  Did you allow him/her to see members of the opposite sex?  

 

Just not sure what to do...  I know it sounds silly to worry about such a thing, but Im fearful that my fiance might cheat or leave me for what he is temporarily desiring...

 

Thanks,

Milani

[April]

Hi Milani, I am not at your stage of transition and am not currently in a relationship. But I hope a man who has asked you to marry him loves you and wants you to be happy. You are very beautiful and I am sure any man would want to be with you. You don't mention if you will have GRS surgery in the future which may alleviate all concerns. And of course communication is best you should bring up your concerns up to him and you can see what he thinks now and you can plan out what you 2 do in the future.

 

April 

[Jani]

Hello Milani, 

I don't recall from your prior posts whether GRS is in your future, but as April suggests it may alleviate your worries.  

11 hours ago, MilaniKisses said:

Recently, he had mentioned some things during intimate times which leads me to believe he is missing the equipment of a cis-female. 

Being in a serious relationship means we have these kinds of open discussions about our feelings and desires.  As to an open relationship, it appears to me to be something only a strong bond between you both would survive.  It would seem to open Pandora's Box.  

 

Jani

[MilaniKisses]

Thank you both.  Yes i have mentioned to him I wanted to get GRS.

 

-Milani

[Ravin]

Open communication is important--that he is talking to you about this is good. If you are not inclined to wanting to be in an open relationship, it's a bad idea to go there to try to "fix" any problems between you and your fiance. If he is committed to marrying you, and since you plan on getting GRS, then that can be a goal you can both work toward.

[MarcieMarie12]

I would say going into an open relationship is not easy. Both sides have to be willing to not get jealous of their partner spending time with someone else. That is how it works with Jamie and I are  I no longer have a piece of equipment she desires, and since the surgery we have slowly been exploring things (I am probably the limiting factor, with me being cautious).  But it is fine, since we are both pan and care deeply for each other.

 

That being said, if you would get jealous of him in an open relationship that is just not going to work. And how would he react to you being with some one else is another question.