Struggling with myself

[Fernode]

I told my classmate... So I meet her and she taught me how to use Make-Up. And I also bought an Epilator with my classmate. Hihi, her best friend (she does not know that I am trans), she looked with big eyes if I took that Epilator in our Supermarket.

 

Tomorrow we'll call some Psychiatrists in my town and near my town with hopeing we get a meeting before February.

 

By the way, hair removial hurts as hell. 

[Jani]

On 1/4/2018 at 6:23 PM, Fernode said:

By the way, hair removial hurts as hell. 

Welcome to the reality of hair removal.  It is no walk on the beach!  

If you are sharing the epilator make sure you clean it between use to ward against infection.

 

Jani  

[Fernode]

Hello after long time!

I have good news, I had my coming out as mtf and got much support, I also go out (went out) as girl.

So my therapy starts on August! I am super happy about this.

[Jani]

Congratulations!  I'm happy for you.  Be careful when going out, but enjoy yourself.

 

Cheers, 

Jani

[Fernode]

On 6/20/2018 at 3:05 AM, Jani said:

Congratulations!  I'm happy for you.  Be careful when going out, but enjoy yourself.

 

Cheers, 

Jani

 

Nah, Germany should be pretty save.

Nothing happened until now. And my caring people (social worker at my home) supports me too. I also got new clothes and makeup. I also get called with my new name, I really like. At school too!

 

[Aiyanna]

Wow! So much support! It sounds like things are off in an amazing direction. I'm so happy for you!! Please continue to share with us!

❤️
Aiy

[jo jo]

hun please dont self medicate especially if you dont know dosages please see a doctor .. i dont know how the system works in germany hun in the uk we have to see counsellor then endocrinologist and then final result surgeon after about 4 to 5 years of hormones and blood checks but please do it safely  my thoughts go out to you because i know its a long tough journey..... love and cwtches to u xx

[Fernode]

On 6/21/2018 at 7:23 PM, Aiyanna said:

Wow! So much support! It sounds like things are off in an amazing direction. I'm so happy for you!! Please continue to share with us!

❤️
Aiy

 

Thanks  My therapy starts on August (officially with doctor!). And maybe I'll do HRT this year or beginning of next year! ☺️

I also got new clothes and I planned to shop new one next month with my flatmate (roommate), but I am kinda nervous a bit, to be honest.

 

5 hours ago, jo jo said:

hun please dont self medicate especially if you dont know dosages please see a doctor .. i dont know how the system works in germany hun in the uk we have to see counsellor then endocrinologist and then final result surgeon after about 4 to 5 years of hormones and blood checks but please do it safely  my thoughts go out to you because i know its a long tough journey..... love and cwtches to u xx

 

I do not do Self-Medication, don't worry. I start therapy on August 23th. And I also have a specialized counseling at our University Clinic on July 10th.

 

Thank you very much,

Riley with ❤️

[jo jo]

thats good fernode i hope its a good journey for you and everything turns out right for you my heart goes out to you hun and hope you are very happy

[Fernode]

On 6/24/2018 at 12:04 PM, jo jo said:

thats good fernode i hope its a good journey for you and everything turns out right for you my heart goes out to you hun and hope you are very happy

 

Hey. Yesterday I went shopping first time for opposite gender. Some people especially the cashier were looking confused. I mostly didn't say anything. But after first time I didn't really had any problems with continue shopping.

 

It feels way better.

I also were at our local University Clinic Essen, diagnostic Transgender.

The therapist gave me a list of specialized therapist. ^^

[Jani]

Congratulations on getting out and doing a little shopping.  I'm sure it was a fun experience!   Don't worry about other people but maintain your safety at all times. 

 

Did I miss this, you've selected a new name!   Riley.   Very Nice.  

 

Jani

[jo jo]

i go shopping on my own a few times buying female clothes sometimes you do get the occasional odd look but ignore them and get on with enjoying your life dont let anyone else drag you down

[Fernode]

Hello,

 

yeah you missed it, I have been called this name for longer time and I like it.

And yeah shopping was great! ❤️

 

I also can start therapy on August and I am happy about it.

[Fernode]

Hello, back in Germany, had a nice vocation in lloret de mar, spain.

 

But recently I got highly bad roller coaster like feelings and I am thinking about to visit the local hospital there, because my current therapist has no meetings within 2-3 weeks. ?

[Jani]

I'm glad you had a nice time.  Are you taking about dizziness or vertigo?  I would certainly have that looked at by your doctor.  

 

Jani

[Fernode]

Roller coaster like, Up and Downs.

[Fernode]

Got my medical certificate yesterday from my therapist for an endocrinologist!

 

 

 

[VickySGV]

2 hours ago, Fernode said:

Got my medical certificate yesterday from my therapist for an endocrinologist!

 

You are on the way in a good way.

[Jani]

Very good!!

[Fernode]

Going to Hospital tomorrow. They are trying to get a meeting with an Hormone Doctor ^^ I also got an emergency notification from my local doctor to get a earlier meeting except of march, 2019.

 

Wish me luck. And thank you all.

 

[Jani]

You'll do fine!  Best of luck and big hugs! 

Jani

[Fernode]

No success. I must wait until March, 2019.

I feel so bad and today I weren't able to do anything... I just slept all day and cried.

 

I don't know how to continue, the feelings are getting more and more stronger.

What should I do now? I can't handle my feelings and sorry to be weird but I more and more get thoughts to cut off my male you know. Don't want to continue. Sorry, what to do now?

 

I really need help ? ?

[VickySGV]

2 hours ago, Fernode said:

What should I do now? I can't handle my feelings and sorry to be weird but I more and more get thoughts to cut off my male you know. Don't want to continue. Sorry, what to do now?

 

It was nearly that length of time between my referral for HRT and actually having it prescribed.  Keep the reports going in to your primary doctor and your therapist is one thing to do.

 

The other is simply to do what you can to Transition without the hormones.  They may be very helpful to your, but not a 100% way of dealing with life.  Get dressed and go places as yourself.  Learn and do your make-up and spend free time in your persona doing the things you want to do under the influence of hormones, and when you get there you will be able to do them even better.  Write poetry and books as if you already are your female self, I did that often.  Vicky appears as the author of many short essays on a variety of things long before July 5, 2009 when I took my first pill.  Take each day or even shorter at a time, but it will surprise you how fast they go.  Share your dreams here via stories of how you would like to be (that after all is the purpose of our Blog forum).  So many things can be done.  You can be YOU without the hormones is my message here and I know it is true.

[Jani]

Great advice from Vicky (as usual)!  

This sounds similar to how it is in the UK where I've read you (generally) need to be in RLE for a year before they will issue a script for HRT.   I was full time prior to getting on HRT.  It can be done!  Take the time to learn and practice the skills you'll need to make it as a women in the world.  You can learn a lot just by looking around.  

 

Jani

[Fernode]

My friend left me as he knew I were trans and start hrt soon. ?

But hey, I found another doc for hrt. First check for hrt starts on September.