Queer as an umbella term?

[Guest Rachel Gia]

Recently I did a phone shift for AA with another transgender person and because I wanted to distract them from their smartphone and I was genuinely curious I asked them what queer means.

They said it was an umbrella term to describe the LGBT community. After saying "Oh!" , I replied that I did not know that and that although I don't mind if others call themselves Queer that I relate it to being used in anger or disgust by non tolerant people indicating I would not be enamored if someone called me queer in affection or otherwise.

They were kind of surprised but we continued with me relating my historical use of the word straight as meaning people who don't use drugs etc. More surprise but only briefly as they were drawn back to their phone. So much for fellowship and "the best meeting in town".

Back to my issue with the word Queer.

Not letting things go, which tends to be my nature, I did some online research today as I was standing by forever due to lack of work.

I found out that the word queer began to be used to describe the LGBT community in 1980 in some arenas and this person was almost right , but it has been my experience that the T is only a recent addition to LGB. Are they unaware that of Transgender isolation in the spectrum community until only recently? Perhaps.

If Queer is an umbrella term then why is LGBTQ used?

I found also that it is rejected by others in the spectrum in that it has become politicized which might be where I find my issues.

Gender Identity , preference and politics are different in my opinion.

I have recently taken a break from one AA meeting that is trans because new arrivals are attempting to politicize my identity in conjunction with theirs.

In the end its all vanity,,,, oops maybe I should use my own words but those are so great!

Much Love and Acceptance!

Rachel

[Charlize]

I went over to Wikipedia and checked the meaning.  I certainly remember Queer being used a a form of hate speech.  I have also known gay folks who use the term amongst themselves as a banner of pride rather than derision.  Being transgender is perhaps queer if i use the word as it is defined as odd or different,  other than the norm.   

I smiled at your feeling that straight was "not using drugs".  That was certainly the way i looked at it for years myself although now i suppose the meaning is in the process of change.  

 "AA has no opinion on outside issues; neither endorses or opposes any causes."  I hear that at every meeting i attend so being pushed politically would annoy me as well.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[RikkiWilson]

Queer is used as an umbrella term in a lot of LGBTQA+ places. However, there's also a lot of people that are uncomfortable with it because it is a slur. But when we use it we're reclaiming it. But it's 100% valid to NOT be okay with being referred to as such and say "hey please don't". 

 

~ ZD/Rikki ~

[Guest Rachel Gia]

Thank you for responding and its been a bit of a learning curve with the new meetings I am attending. It's a word that I am familar with as being reclaimed or repurposed since the majority of cinema and videos I watch are spectrum oriented ie Carol, Angels in America, Call Me By Your Name etc.

Q Munity and its website are where I get most of my info from if I need it but it's the first time that I was informed that it includes Trans people. 

oh well and not an issue.

btw Missing the meeting was great and I needed it..

Too add to what Charlize was say about the traditions in AA trying to hijack a meeting by politicizing gender identity and being divisive towards straight meetings is also about pricipals before personalities. 

No one is a spokesperson for my sobriety in the Trans community.

Our common welfare comes first:)

 

 

[Guest Rachel Gia]

Correction

"Q Munity and its website are where I get most of my info from if I need it but it's the first time that I was informed that the word envelopes Trans people. 

[tracy_j]

Around my locality when I was a child and in my teens, queer was generally used for people who would now be described as gay (and I think usually males, not females). I cannot remember seeing much of transexuals, but I don't think they were generally described by the same term. Effeminate was more commonly used. This is perhaps why I don't like and don't use the term at all as to me and (as mentioned previously by Charlize) was generally used in a derogatory manner.

 

Another point is that the principle meaning of queer is strange or unusual. Is that really what people want?

 

Tracy

[Guest Rachel Gia]

Hi Tracy,

i was not sure to bring this up on the forum but I am did as I thought I was being over sensitive to have issues with this term. 

As to the Trans individual I was doing the phone shift with I dropped the subject because they have little time being sober and in that, they are  somewhat delicate in regards to self esteem. I was going to say to her that I don't think anyone on the forum uses it but decided little could be gained from me trying to educate her.

While thinking of the context of I have heard it in the last 9 months I would have to say it seems to be used as a modern substitute for lesbian , -lesbian-, or gay women but as an adjective ie "queer women" or "queer woman".

This usage , I get and am okay with , for some reason, and the woman who uses it most that I know is a wonderful and loving person.

Up until now I didn't think I was that PC but I guess in fact I am .

 

 

 

[Jani]

I get that the term is trying to be reclaimed but being a person of a certain age it still holds a place in my mind as a slur or term of derision.  Personally I don't use it but don't mind if others do.  I don't claim to be part of the included group.  

 

Jani

[Jackie]

 

When I was in grade school thru high school,  "queer" was generally used as a slur against perceived gay men, but was also used to describe some of the kids considered "weirdos" and had no gender/sexuality based meaning in those instances.

 

I think it's a much less harsh word than some other similar slurs, maybe just because i find it a silly/lighthearted sounding word phonetically, but I too was exposed at a young age with the word used in a negative connotation so I have a harder time accepting that as a positive term.  I do realize though, that sometimes there is benefit overall to absorbing a word into a more positive light...but with all things having to do with language interpretation, it's so subjective based on the current perception of the individual it's being used on.

[VickySGV]

It was pointed out to me that I have really been part of the "Queer > LGB> LGBT> LGBTQIA" spectrum for more than 20 years in one form or another.  This came from a person whom I had met that long ago, and with whom I am still a pleasant acquaintance after all this time since she is a figure in our "community" here in the So. California area.  We were reminiscing at the farewell night closing a venue which the Trans / CD crowd had been using for 10 years last June. During all that time, words that are beneath the dignity of the under 50 crowd have are words that I have accepted to include me in life as it went by.

Transvestite, Tranie, -Tranie- Chaser, -Tranie- Club were all colorfully descriptive of some places I have been and people I have known, and I remember them with affection, and even today we older girls use the titles to talk to each other.  An admirer with whom I did become somewhat friendly still shows up at venues I go to and laughingly admits that before prostate cancer problems that the -transgender- Chaser label applied to him.  Now he is still an admirer, but even more descriptively today an ally.

 

Back in 2006 when I came to the realization that I needed to transition completely from my birth assigned gender, the word Transsexual (2 ss) was the one that came into play in 2008 when I began my current period of sobriety, that was the term used in my counseling for both the addiction and the gender issues.  Today, the word Transsexual or TS has come into disfavor because it does imply that strange sexual behaviors and desires are the root of our problems and not the innate sense of self that we have.  The word Transsexual was falling out of favor when I had my SRS > GRS > GCS surgery only five years ago.  So, we can see how rapidly our terminology has evolved. 

As well as the wording, I have come to realize that I too have evolved over that time period, in that today in many places, I am no longer as Binary Woman as I was even 6 years ago when I joined the Forums back in our Laura's Playground days.  I also work with a group of about 40 younger people who go to both ends of the gender spectrum as far as being different from the gender first assigned to them at birth, and they are simply a wonderful group of people whom I adore as much as my blood line Grandchildren.  I am less worried today about a gender placed on me or term used for me and if people want to be happy with my unique gift of diversity and non-binaryism, that is what counts.  I am alive and not dead as I one time wished when I tried drinking my life away as opposed to living it.

 

[RikkiWilson]

Personally I use it for short for everything related to my sexuality and my gender. It gets kinda long to say that I'm asexual, aromantic, bi (platonic?), except for like 1 person in the whole world and that I'm also genderqueer. That's why I have reclaimed the term personally.

 

~ ZD/Rikki ~

[tracy_j]

15 hours ago, Jani423 said:

I get that the term is trying to be reclaimed but being a person of a certain age it still holds a place in my mind as a slur or term of derision.  Personally I don't use it but don't mind if others do.  I don't claim to be part of the included group.  

 

Jani

You have got my thinking in one there Jani.

 

Not being part of (or even aware of) any local transgender scene, and that gay people are now just referred to as gay, I have not heard the term used locally for some years.

 

Tracy

[Guest Rachel Gia]

For more Illumination of the roll of the word in my life and my being out in a big way in the last while , one of my home groups in AA is called Queers Plain Crackpots and Fallen Women which is a quote out of the 12 by 12 regarding non acceptance before the traditions came in .

it would be more historical and reflect the historical use of the word.

i was a little worried when I first went but it was a good meeting and I kept going enough to join and do service.

in the process I found a letter reprinted in Silkworths site regarding a woman being drummed out of AA during the war. She recieved the letter from her home group on the day of the bombing of Pearl Harbour. There were few meetingsback then and she never found another group and died an alcoholic death.

I saved the leather and reprinted it for distribution at the meeting as a little history to the meaning of our name.

Shortly after ,  in a traditions meeting I was to find out that tradition three regarding the only requirement was established in part so as to include gay , or in those days , queer people as members along with every other demographic as long as there was a desire to it drinking. 

The other meeting I go to and was the first place I came out public ally in AA is called Queer Trans or QT for short.

From that knowledge anyone should be able to see that I accept an association with it. The meeting Queers ! plain Crackpots and Fallen Women  is growing and people like the name and as they learn the history of the name they also understand the sentiment of the group which is about acceptance.

My original question was "what does queer mean" and I guess I just wanted to know what my friend was saying when she called herself a queer woman and why there is now  q in LGTBQA?

The answer seems  is that it is just another word for gay or anything else and the meaning changes with context and the sentiment in which it is given and recieved.

No one has called me queer or asked what it's like to be queer so I have no issue.

My feelings are that I am Trans and that being Trans is about identity and not sexuality. Some may disagree.

Maybe what I am learning is that being queer is about identity as well and so is everything else that has a letter in the equation and not about who I sleep with?

in fact I have recently been saying that I am not sure if I fit into Gay Culture so I must see it as to do with identity.

Regardless I have found a place of love which seems to lie in between the lines.

Rachel

 

[VickySGV]

4 hours ago, Rachel Gia said:

My feelings are that I am Trans and that being Trans is about identity and not sexuality.   .....

 

Maybe what I am learning is that being queer is about identity as well and so is everything else that has a letter in the equation and not about who I sleep with?

 

I think you are having a very clear moment in realizing this.  At my local LGBT*** Community Center, I lead a group where the  Third Tradition is relaxed and our identities can be discussed as to how they contributed to our addictions, and how we use those identities today to further our sobriety.  Our group actually is multi chemical-of-choice as well, and we also look at how we picked our addictions from the possibilities when our identities became the burdens we were trying to hide from. 

[Hayden]

I've been wondering this myself. My aunt recently asked me what it meant when people refer to themselves as queer, and I told her that it pretty much differs from person to person, but that it usually has to do with sexuality. I also mentioned that nonbinary people may not feel comfortable using "straight" and "gay" to define their sexuality because of their nonconforming gender, so they use queer instead. Interested to know more. 

[Guest Rachel Gia]

Hi Hayden!

I have accepted that I am part of Queer society after getting used to the place from which the term comes.

I was invited to "Queer'  music event tonight and unfortunately had to pass on it because I overtired and gigged all day myself. I am sure the attendees will be from all gender demographics.

I now feel good about and its nice to have a home.