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Reneging On Coming Out

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Hey trans brothers and fellow trans sisters



I've definitely suffered since the age of thirteen that I was a trans girl, I started crossdressing as a late sixteen-year-old or as an early seventeen-year-old, I came out to my mom around mid-2016, after buying a black night gown in late-2015 and real diamond earrings in late-2015, I didn't come out as Donna, I remained Alexander, a older trans lady told me I needn't change my given name since its a neutral gender/sex first name, I'm not financially-independent and I wouldn't be financially-stable anyway, my mom says its even more of a disgrace to be a transgender person, since transgender people are still actively discriminated and being a woman is weighted less then being a man, somehow this mindset still exists for old-school italian mommas, even my old-school italian daddas in some respect, views-and-values respective gender roles you're born into, I'm not an advocate and I'm not an activist, but I'm a trans girl, born a boy, living into my young adulthood, as a young man, but I've got a woman's mindset, even though I don't live as a woman yet, I can't jeopardise my personal financial situation, but I want to transition into the young woman I am, what should I do my fellow trans guys?, what should I do my fellow trans girls?, should I remain miserable as Alex or should I transition into Donna?, against my parents wants for me





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*I definitely knew since the age of thirteen that I was a trans girl, but I've suffered from gender dysphoria since about either eleven-years-old or twelve-years-old

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Welcome to the club Donna ! We are all or had been in the same boat. I was told early on by my transgender friends to start slowly, like really slowly. Become educated, read, read, READ !! There are so many thing you can do that will allow you to start experiencing womanhood without actually transitioning.


Shave, start with small pieces of clothing, seek therapy and find out if hormones are right for you. Hormones , in my opinion, will be a huge guiding factor. If you are truly transgender, which you appear to be, hormones will fit you like a glove.


There is nothing that says we need to flip a switch and go instantly from Alex to Donna overnight. It took me years and I still feel as though I am transitioning. It is ok and actually beneficial to go as slow as you need to. You will pick up steam along the way and if a 24/7 transition is right for you, it shall happen.


Good luck Donna!!!





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Timber Wolf

Hi Donna,

If you are financially dependent on your family and they are against your transitioning, your emediate goal should probably be to get financially independent first if possible. When you begin transitioning (medically or socially) it will be a lot easier if you aren't also fighting with your family for your ability to live at the same time. Take things one step at a time. Baby steps, especially at first.


Despite what anyone else may try to tell you, you are not a disgrace for being trans. You are being you, and you can be proud of that. Various areas or cultures are more or less accepting of us than orhers. Unless we can and want to move somewhere else, we can't control that. But we can affect how we fit into the society we live in. I live in a conservative, fairly trans unfriendly area. But even here, I'm moving forward toward living as the girl I am. I take it slow. When I feel impatient I look at the progress I've made already. It helps. 


Lots of love,

Timber Wolf🐾

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You've both been very helpful, financial-stability is important, but being a woman is more important, money isn't everything, its just the officially-recognised medium of exchange, I'm not disregarding money, I just don't worship it like regular individual persons, I totally get that I need way more than I have now, I'm broke and frustrated by this hiccup, but taking my transition toward being a woman, then I can get married and become a mamma, is vital to my identity, but its a balance between becoming financially-free and securing all the legal liberties you don't currently enjoy when you are held to someone else's standards/expectations, simply because you're reliant on someone meeting your most bare-basic needs, since you live in the same house with them, thank you ladies for replying to me, I know I sound like a bohemian girl, I've lived my life, since 2015, as somewhat counterculture, one of the reasons I've been so idle in my life, thus far, but being a twenty-one-year-old adult and not having achieved-and-accomplished much of anything has left me with much more needing to be fulfilled, thank you girls for replying to me





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Hello B. K. D. 

On 1/7/2018 at 7:50 PM, Belladonnakarapinskia said:

financial-stability is important, but being a woman is more important, money isn't everything,

While money isn't everything, it does make like much easier to deal with.   You don't have to "worship" it to understand it's power to provide the things we desire.   


I would substitute "woman" with "being one's self" as this is most important in life as our image of self is paramount in being happy.  So these two ideas are tied together but are not exclusive.  As Timber Wolf offers, getting to a point of financial stability is the ticket to moving forward as you want, at the pace you want.  Its not a sell out!  I and others of a certain age will always tell younger transitions to get or finish you education and establish yourself in a career field that makes you happy.  If you are happy at what you do, not much else matters.   


As Tessa notes, take your time and enjoy your transition journey.  Another member here was fond of saying, "Slowly, slowly catches the monkey!"  Transition can have our heads are moving in a thousand directions all at once.  Take the time to absorb each change you make to let it sink in and ensure its what you want.  It's better to not waste time and resources in a direction you may abandon for one reason or another.  Enjoy the ride!



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Thank you Jani, I will keep your thoughts in mind as I go mostly full-time when in public and begin taking my estrogen supplements and testosterone blockers in late january/early february, I understand I need money to live comfortably and have financial stability, all comes with a job, which means you need more qualifications today, I try to be myself, but gender dysphoria confuses me to no end and being sexually active adds to that confusion, I will enjoy my transition sweetie, thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings





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