Hi, I'm new and questioning......

[Collies]

Hi there,

I just signed up today because I really need advice. I'm not sure if any one here can really help, but I suppose even talking about it might help. Lately I've been having very complicated feelings about my gender identity, I feel masculine most of the time and have always been very much a tomboyfor as long as I can remember but I've only just started to question whether I actually am a boy. The problem is I have bipolar disorder, and it's been quite bad lately, and I'm worried that it's my bipolar disorder making me feel this way rather than any form of Gender Dysphoria. I do notice that when I most want to change gender is when I'm very depressed, it still niggles at the back of my head when I'm feeling okay but at the same it just feels wrong and scary as well. I want to be the person I really am, but I fear I'm actually changing myself into someone else. Weirdly, it's the idea of changing my name that scares me the most, like I'm losing a big part of myself. Has anyone here had similar experiences? 

[Dev]

Hi Collies,

 

It's funny you should mention bipolar in this context.  Years ago, when I first came out to family and friends, it was met with general acceptance.  Shortly after that, though, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  Just about everyone asked me, "So, the gender thing, is that gone now?  That's part of the bipolar, right?"  Not so.

 

This isn't to say that your bipolar isn't getting in the way of recognizing who you really are.  Everyone is unique.  I bring this up only to make the point that a lot of people seem to conflate bipolar with gender dysphoria, when they're really two entirely separate things.

 

The best recommendation I could make for you right now would be to find a therapist who works with gender issues and get their help in delving into how you feel and who you are.  Any therapist will be conversant with bipolar, so a gender specialist will be able to take that into account as they guide you through examining your gender identity.

 

Outside of that, feel free to use the forums here to ask any questions that may have been circling around in your mind.  We'll do our best to provide helpful answers.

 

Welcome to TransPulse!

[Collies]

Thanks Dev, it's nice to know someone else has went through something similar. I'm trying to get to see a therapist, buts it's difficult to find one for under 18's. I've tried doing my own research on any connection between bipolar disorder and gender dysphoria but nothing particularly useful ever comes up. Guess I'll just have to ask the professional~

[Dev]

That's the thing.  There really isn't a connection between bipolar disorder and gender dysphoria.  Nothing documented anywhere I've seen has proven a link between the two, which makes the connection in many people's minds kind of baffling.

 

I note that you're in Ireland.  I know that the vast majority of gender specialists in that neck of the woods are tied to gender identity clinics that are only accessible through the NHS.  As you said you're under 18, I do have a resource that might be able to provide a bit more targeted help.  Mermaids is a UK-based organization for gender-variant youth and their families.  We often refer folks there if we find out they're under 13, which is our minimum age for membership.  They do a lot of good in the UK.

[Collies]

Thanks, I'll check them out. Anything that might help is a lifesaver at this point. 

[KatrinaReann]

I too am Bipolar and totally agree with Dev on this. I think it is important that you are properly medicated for the Bipolar Disorder and work on the issues that come from that so that you are thinking clearly to deal with the GID issues. Bipolar Disorder can and does cause one's mind to think irrationally and recklessly. But with proper meds and counseling it is manageable. Just know you are not Collies!!

 

Huggsss!!

[KatrinaReann]

oppss...Just know you are not alone, Collies!!  (Typo queen...lol)

 

[Collies]

Thanks Katrina ? it's cool that everyone on this site is so supportive!