Just sharing more about me.

[Nora Kayte]

Right now I am on OxyContin 40 mg extended release. Percocet 10-325. I take them for pain. The thing I don’t like is the times I don’t need to take them I actually start going thru withdrawals when I miss a dose. It’s just messed up. I recently had my doctor reduce the amount of Percocet he prescribes and asked him for a referral to the addiction doctor. I hate that I need them for pain. And pissed I am addicted to them.   I quit cold turkey a few years ago to see how much pain I actually had and for the most part I did not need them. It was hell and I never got my energy back. But I know I really don’t need them. 

 

Just found out yesterday after 7 years of research I will be getting my ankle replaced. And my doctor told me when I asked him if I could go back to work that it would be good enough to play sports again. So I am stoked. With that said I am hoping I won’t need to take the pain pills anymore. And I will finally be able to get out from underneath the clutches of the pain pills. 

 

I also had my medical marijuana card. But now that it is legal in California I don’t need it. But the funny thing is I can put that down anytime. Only when the pain is insane did I ever use it. 

 

And nicotine my wife quit smoking. Finally, and I always said if she would I could. And did. But I started vaping and am addicted again. I will have to quit soon because it makes me feel like crap. And with my surgery coming up it might be a good idea. 

 

Drinking is a a non issue. We barely ever drink. Maybe a beer with dinner when we go out. Or we split a 6 pack maybe once a month. 

 

Oh and and energy drinks. Might as list everything. I had heart palpitations last night. Too much caffeine. So no energy drink today and I am planning on staying away from them. If I want to live and not have a heart attack I need to stop. 

 

In my my past I was addicted to meth. That was a nasty drug. Sold everything I owned for that drug. Supposed to be one of the hardest to kick. But my girlfriend at the time and I just woke up one day and looked at each other and decided to quit. And we would even be able to be in the same room with others who did it and not want it. 

 

Well thats the other part part of me. I will update as things change. I am posting here to make myself accountable. It will help me push through. When it gets tough. And wow. Until you list stuff like this you really don’t know how bad it really is. 

[TessaOKC]

I wish you the best of luck Nora with your chosen direction. I also have an addictive personality. My knees are shot and it was hard to function day to day so the doc put me on Oxycontin last year. That lasted a month before I threw them away. Did the weed thing a few years ago on an every day basis and that got old quick. Alcohol is #1 on my list but like my doc said years ago, "Alcohol isn't anyone's friend" and that's especially true for me. I was only up to 3 or four beers a day but that was too much. Weight gain and irritability when I wasn't drinking was doing me no favors. So I cut out drinking except for maybe 5 or 6 times a year. Lost a lot of weight and my wife is certainly happier. So I vape weed maybe once a month, usually when my friend comes over, and that's it. Was some really dark days to get to this point but I'm glad I'm here. 

 

I sure hope you find the same peace some day. Kicking meth was awesome. Narcotic medication get a lot of humans down these days as we all know. For me the fog of Oxycontin was far worse than the pain I endured . That's not true for everyone and each has their own battles. 

 

My best thoughts go to you Nora.

 

Hugs

 

Tess

[onaquest]

Nora,

I like how you chose the word "accountable". Addiction is a disease that is not tied to a particular substance, but to a much deeper underlying cause. Recovery is possible though.

[KatrinaReann]

Nora, The only pain medication I am on is Meloxicam at this time. I refuse to go on narco's because I was addicted to both alcohol and several other street drugs. I know the day is coming when I may have to though. Because my pain issues are getting worse. I do know what you are going through though because my wife is on both of the medications you mentioned. At one point a few years ago she was addicted to oxy and had to be slowly weened off it. For several years after that she was going to a pain clinic and getting shots in her back and knees which helped her tremedously. She has Sciatica and arthritis in her c spine.. She still gets the shots in her knees but because of other health issues that have her on long term antibiotics, she can no longer get the shots in her back. So she is back on Percocet. But she is only taking them when the pain is really bad. She takes Arthritis Tylenol most of the time when the pain isn't so bad.

 

As far as the power drinks, we cut those out slowly. A few months after being free them we cut down on the soda and try to only drink caffeine soda when we do drink one once in a while. A few months after cutting those do to virtually nothing we went to half and half coffee with 50% of the caffeine.Then a few months later went to one pot of Half caffeine in the morning and full decaf the rest of the day.And that is all we do now. It has made a big difference in how we feel and how we sleep.

 

I too have an addiction to the nicotine. I am still smoking right now but am working on cutting down. Vaping is helping me to do that right now. By the end of the month my plan is to stop all tobacco products and go with the vaping for a while so I can cut the nicotine down slowly. Much like we did with the caffeine.. My wife did this a couple of years ago and she is now down to  zero mgs of nicotine.  Although she is still vaping now. I don't intend to keep vaping once I get to zero mgs. for a couple months maybe, but my intent is to quit it all. I am hoping to reach that goal by the end of the year or shortly there after.

 

The things is if we are doing any of these things it is virtually impossible to get HRT let alone SRS. And that is what most of us want in the end. We need to let that be our driving factor to beat these things. Regardless of whether our addiction is drugs, alcohol, smoking, or a eating disorder of some type. Because even if your body mass index (BMI) is higher than normal   it can prevent you from medical assistance in transitioning. For those of you that don't know what BMI is, it is a graph that measures your height and weight to determine how much fat you have in your body. Extra weight makes any surgery and procedures more difficult. Diet is very important in transitioning because it affects many things in your blood work ups. I have that to worry about myself as well.

 

My point is all of these are things we can all be working on so that we are better prepared for when the day comes to start hormones and any surgeries. And if that day never comes for some of us we will still reap the health benefits from it. No, none of these things are easy. Overcoming them takes time, determination, and patience. But taking them can and does give us a sense of progressing toward our goal of maybe one being able to be our true selves in body, mid, and soul. All it takes is setting some smaller goals to reach the bigger goal. And in order to reach those smaller goals you just live one day at a time.

 

Huggs!!

Katrina

[Timber Wolf]

On 1/10/2018 at 6:58 AM, onaquest said:

 Addiction is a disease that is not tied to a particular substance, but to a much deeper underlying cause. Recovery is possible though.

Onaquest has hit on the key point. I've learned that addiction is not linked to any particular substance. Addiction is a disease of the mind. As a recovering addict, my mind is permanently wired for addiction. My use of drugs was a symptom of my addiction, not the addiction itself. Addiction and chemical dependence are two different things. Chemical dependence, as hellish as it is, can be overcome in time. That's not what causes us to pick up and use drugs again afterward. It's the addiction that causes us to relapse, that addictive wiring of our minds. That's what needs treating! And as the addictive wiring of our minds is permenent, it's treatment must be life long. Just like a diabetic must use insulin for the rest of their life, we must treat our addiction for the rest of our lives.

 

After getting out of rehab, I began going to Narcotics Anonymous. That's how I began treating my addiction. The rehab helped me with the symptom of drug use, but the 12 step program is how I treat the addiction. Without treating my addiction, I'm doomed to a life of relapse, because the addiction is in my mind where my thinking process is and where my decisions are made. Without treatment, my own thinking will lead me right back to drugs, because without treatment a disease will become symptomatic again.

 

In the end, treating the symptom of drug use as the disease itself has never worked. We must treat the disease in the mind if we are to find lasting recovery. I've learned that the hard way, but learned it I have!

 

HUGS, NOT DRUGS!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

 

 

[Charlize]

When i finally accepted that i was powerless over my addictions i was able to start on a path towards accepting recovery.  It was alcohol that brought me to my knees but there are many other substances in my story.  

I was fortunate to have found a path prior to transition.  If i had been using i doubt i would have been at all successful.  For me it has been the 12 step program in AA that has made my life possible.  There is help out there if we look for it.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[VickySGV]

This link has my addiction story that I told when I first came here to the Forums in 2011, so you can get a sense of where I come from.  I am the IRL moderator of an Addiction Recovery Roundtable at my local LGBT Community Center where our members have a wide range of addictions and from the whole range of ht LGBTQAIA..... spectrum.  It is good to get a handle on it so you can safely travel your path into the real YOU.

 

https://www.transgenderpulse.com/forums/topic/33881-open-the-circle-im-here/