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Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of toads !

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OMG, the thought of finding another therapist makes me want to stay in bed all day!!! As someone who suffers from major depression I have been through a ton. I am an empath, otherwise know as a highly sensitive person, and can always see through the BS. "OH my, you have very good insurance, I just can't believe how good your insurance is" was the opening remark  by one of them. Another kept pushing for any and all sexual experiences I've had and yet another felt it necessary to read me the riot act for over 20 minutes on what will happen if I miss any sessions. The kicker was when I found myself in an argument with a therapist on what is required in order to receive an HRT letter. This therapist said I needed to have a real life experience and live 24/7 as a woman before I would be allowed to take hormones. What???!!! My next question was, "And where did you earn your degree M'am ? "   She was young, mid twenties, and her first name was Charity. The following session  I came in with the entire WPATH manual and proceeded to take the therapist to school. I was horrified to think  of any other poor Trans person who might fall prey to her ignorance. I made her promise me she understood and after receiving an HRT letter a short time later, I closed the chapter on my young therapist. 


Cutting through the BS of the above mentioned therapists -  one was clearly aroused by sexual stories, one was intoxicated merely dreaming of the above average insurance payments she will earn, the other was a control freak and the last didn't know what in the hell  she was talking about ! What could be more frustrating than going to see a therapist for help only to realize their agenda or issues are insincere or counter productive to the client. I got sick and tired of spending countless hours only to be let down by their issues I already knew existed. Once I started listening to my inner feelings it became abundantly clear that I had kissed a lot of toads in my quest  to find the proper, caring and qualified therapist. 


Several months ago I reluctantly went  into therapy again and in the most unlikely place of all, a veterans hospital . Veterans hospital?? Really?? No way! Yep, it's true. This therapist is a female sporting a Doctorate degree in psychology. She is in her mid 30's, single mom of two children, divorced twice. She is in charge of all LGBT group sessions at the VA, two of which I attend on a weekly basis. She has a sense of humor and appears to have an above average amount of life experience. She is straight and has an incredible memory. I have never left one of her sessions without being armed with a pertinent self improvement lesson. She is overly qualified on transgender issues and  appears to really care about me . I hit the jackpot, finally!!!


Listen to your gut when assessing a new or existing therapist.Are they qualified? What is their background? What is  their maturity level? Do they appear to legitimately care or are they in it solely for the money or even darker reasons? What do they really know about transgender issues? There are a lot of toads with lipstick out there !!! We're going to kiss a few along the way but we need not be stuck with one.


I wish everyone the best of luck and just remember to assess them just as they assess you. We are worth the very best !!



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Yeah, I always say to transgender people I encounter in real life to seek the help of a therapist. I had 2 of them trough the years and I thought they were bad but good enough to have my letters. Later by talking to other trans* I got the picture of just how bad they were. They triggered depression and made some transgender woman in my city go trough hell. The fact is that in my city there's no good therapist that I know of and that I would recommend. I now say to people to seek a therapist in montreal and to have sessions via skype.


They often contradict each other and enforce totally ludicrous realities upon me. They are often really out of date scientifically. One tried to push upon me that my father gave me too much pression to be a man. This is very very far from the truth. I was not able to explain the reality to this therapist...


One say my father give me too much pression (he never gave me any)

Another that my mother was too close to me (she's an introverted and can be distant a lot of time)


They also tried to push on me the idea I was doing that because I have something against masculinity which is totally false.


So yeah... Finding a good therapist can be reaaaallllyyyy hard depending on where you live. :(

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Thanks for your sad story on finding a good therapist.  Just as in other life situations, there are a lot of idiots out there.  I fretted over this too and I was lucky I suppose.  I love my therapist. 



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Carolyn Marie

Great advice, Tessa.  I'm so glad you decided to share your experiences to help others along their paths. Never  assume anything about someones qualifications, and that applies equally to plumbers and therapists.


Carolyn Marie

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