Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

jae bear

Uncle Nick and Robert

Recommended Posts

jae bear

when I was a child I tried to be a good little boy but a bratty little brother
back then the most important person to me was my dear sweet uncle
uncle nick was kind and encouraging, he was always there to listen
much more important than a father this man my uncle was to me at eleven

 

uncle nick led an unconventional life, his lover was very nice too
robert was warm and inviting and always there with a great big hug for you
what robert didn't know was that my uncle held all my big secrets for me
I would tell him things that others didn't know that he could see inside me

 

robert may have suspected something lurking, I could often saw it in his eyes
what he did not realize was really more of a little bent gender surprise
I would talk to uncle nick about everything from the early age of eleven
he kept all my secrets hidden for me and never once judged my fat thighs

 

through the years I kept on confiding and nick never once held it against me
when I became a man with a wife and moved out I thought I put it all behind me
sadly I found out that nick was ill and rushed to see robert right by his side
then all those old feelings came rushing back and I had no where else to hide

 

after sweet uncle nick had passed away I once bumped robert in the hallway
he looked straight into my tearful eyes and saw something only nick knew about me
I was scared, frightened and couldn't breathe how could he possibly have seen it
robert clearly knew something now and as he gentle smiled I could hardly believe it

 

I curled up my fist and threatened poor robert right in front of my entire family
I then heard my mother my aunt and my grandma yell stop behaving so badly
I stomped out of the house that day dragging my poor new wife behind me
I wish I had never done those things and lost my opportunity for a new brother

 

years have passed and gone flying by and I still regret that day very clearly
so the time has come to put all this to bed and call robert for forgiveness
I see us stopping for coffee and talking it out so I can show him my feelings
I beg and I pray that he doesn't hate me for things that I did when I was twenty

 

I think I will tell him about the crossdressing secrets that my uncle hid for me
about all those stolen girls underwears that I kept hidden in my speakers
I don't think he understood what he saw that day when he looked deep into my eyes
there was really just a scared little girl looking back that caught us both by surprise

 

 

sorry for the terrible form, but it came from the heart

squishy hugs,

Jae

Share this post


Link to post
Timber Wolf

Jae, don't worry about form. I love how it came from the heart. It was beautiful to read. I hope all goes well.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf🐾

Share this post


Link to post
Charlize

I like your plan.  Apologizing to a person we have harmed regardless of the reason can clear our side of the street.  You may also find you have an ally.  Both of you may benefit by interaction but at the same time it may or may not be that Robert will wish to revisit a painful loss.  It sounds like the attempt is well worth the effort.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Share this post


Link to post
jae bear

Hi Timber Wolf and Charlize,

 Thank you for your hugs, I needed on bad this morning, felt like I woke up under the floor-

squishy hugs to you both,

Jae

 

PS;   I honestly hope I can change my name to Jae Bunny some day, this road is so long I can't see where it ends...

Share this post


Link to post
jae bear

Sadly I realize Robert has eye surgery coming soon and there is no way I can talk to him without crying... I will have to wait till he's better and not at risk if we get emotional when talking...

it's a bummer, but I do understand-

squishy hugs,

Jae

Share this post


Link to post
Carolyn Marie

Thank you, Jae, for sharing these memories, both sweet and painful.  It took courage to do that.  You and Robert will, someday soon, have that conversation.  I feel sure of it.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Share this post


Link to post
jae bear

Thank you Carolyn, I hope that coversation comes soon myself.

squishy hugs-

Jae

Share this post


Link to post
bobbisue

   Jae I loved your poem I don't know muck about form but I do know about tissues and I sacrificed a few more reading this  I hope you get your chance to talk to Robert soon I can tell this has been bothering you for a long time 

 

     bobbisue:)

Share this post


Link to post
jae bear

Hi Bobbi Sue,

Yes it has been a long time, 27 years goes by so much quicker than you could imagine. And yet I find myself so impatient with my HRT? I’m sorry about the tissue supply but it’s nice to know I’m not just a sentimental fool and cry for any reason, all of these words are very personal parts of myself I am so glad I have someone to share them and people like you to read them.

squishy hug,

Jae

Share this post


Link to post

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 82 Guests (See full list)

    • QuestioningAmber
    • Jackie C.
    • NB Adult
    • Petra Jane
    • MaryMary
    • JenJen
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      69,031
    • Total Posts
      623,418
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      5,723
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JenJen
    Newest Member
    JenJen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Brienne
      Brienne
      (47 years old)
    2. ShyAshley
      ShyAshley
      (33 years old)
  • Posts

    • MaryMary
      very beautifull song
    • NB Adult
      Wow, absolutely stunning and not at all surprising that boyfriend would be proud to have you by his side! I'm sure that happy look on your face and beautiful smile lit up the entire room.
    • Debra Michelle
      Part of our making money in our towing yard business,most of them were a huge pile of junk.Junkyards bought them.We get one junkyard that comes in buying 10 to 12 vehicles,good to us and says I am a great auctioneer
    • Jani
      That's the way it should be! 
    • NB Adult
      Heck of a business, but clearly it has it's bright upsides!
    • Debra Michelle
      Busy this morning,had an auction at our towing yard.Auctioned off 50 vehicles,5 court seizures and rest of them abandoned.One bidder threw me off a bit,one of the bidding assistants caught it at the right time.He was told to leave and told not to come back ever again.Did it to me twice and this was his third time doing it.One employee of mine was there,she bought her 16 year old son his first car which was a 2001 Chevy Cavalier 4 door.Runs good and her son is satisfied with it.Two bidders were in a bidding war on a 2016 Jeep Wrangler,a court seizure.Court is going to be happy,they are getting a good chunk of money.
    • Ashlee
      Thank you ladies! I am truly enjoying life now! 
    • NB Adult
      Michelle, being open and available to others is the key to being able to lose our own natural propensity for self consciousness that is sometimes all consuming and becomes the ruination of potentially good experiences out in public and even with friendships. It also serves to drive away the dark clouds of depression that we sometimes fall into when we become overly self absorbed with our own negative self image. Most people don't see us as we do and aren't nearly as critical as we tend to be of our own selves.
    • Jackie C.
      Well you might have. Women mechanics and women who ride are HAWT. So at least it would have been in a good way.   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      Huzzah for helping people! I've had a couple of people stop me and tell me how brave I am, but I don't think I've ever inspired anyone to get help. Well done!   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      @Krisvm You look great! I'll bet you feel pretty good too. There's just something about being right... also I'm jealous as heck of your waistline. Work it girl!   Hugs!
    • JustineM
      Belated good morning everyone! Been on vacation this week and have the dreaded drive home tomorrow. Just relaxing today and a wedding to attend this evening. Hope everyone has a lovely day
    • Josie Beth
      I’ve known other transgender people throughout my life who only question why they have to go through the struggle of becoming someone that people see and respect as the gender they feel like. Many of us have come to the realization early on but some later. Whether it’s personal trauma that starts this introspection or just not feeling correct in the gender we are assigned, it’s a very personal thing. I’ve also encountered very few people who have said they detransitioned willingly but usually they were ftm. This idea that trans trenderism is the only reason people are transitioning is from people who oversimplify everything. But the truth is that since we live in a complex world that complicates things for us, there’s no easy answer for anything in life. Even though I knew from a fairly early age that something wasn’t right I didn’t know what to call it. But once I did it was this realization that “this is possible” and a sense of relief that there was a way. That was around 16, but it took another 14 years of personal struggle and ignoring certain cues because of social pressure until I finally found that HRT was the only thing that chemically made me feel normal. Then when I went through a bunch of craziness for another 16 years that prevented me from continuing my HRT I was devastated, tired, broken, struggling and unsatisfied with my life. I just didn’t realize it again until everything came crashing down on me and I grieved for what seems like weeks. So now after taking the long way around back to the same thing I so easily accepted about myself earlier in life I decided to stop running from it, procrastinating, or trying to fit this false image others have of me. While it’s never too late to begin, it’s also futile to try explaining it away because it’s something that won’t go away. It lingers. It’s constantly in the back of my mind. And it’s not necessarily the need to present feminine and that’s it. It’s so much more. When I looked at my personal thoughts, attitudes about certain issues, my opinions, how I view love and other people, relationships, it really sunk in that my mind is female already.  So now it’s just a matter of aligning the rest of me. Is it more difficult than if I had not been so dense about it at 18? Sure. But it’s something that I’m deeply compelled to pursue. It’s very much a spiritual journey with physical aspects. My life is an object lesson. Not about learning too late, but what happens when I let others question my deep seated sense of myself and stop listening to the inner voice that knows better than they ever will. It’s not really for me to find out why it seems so prevalent today. What is important is being who I really am. Sometimes I look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself because I don’t see what I want: dysphoria. But some days I see the girl that has always been there. It’s those days that I feel encouraged and renew my determination. To put it in perspective, I don’t have any real life transgender friends around me for support. It’s been difficult to fit the groups and other social activities in for the past year. So nobody can say that what I feel is a result of mimicking others. On the other hand I do find comfort and social interaction with other trans women here and in the discord chat. I come here for the more thoughtful outlet and go on discord for the fun, silly chat where I can laugh and be just one of the girls. They definitely fill a void. Anyway I can be very wordy so I’ll stop writing for now. Just know that what you feel inside is more important than the costumes others try to put you into. 
    • Robin
      Hi Alex,   I am glad that you have joined us.   Robin.
    • Robin
      Hi Nina,   I am glad that you have joined us.   Robin.
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...