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Just me


Jamie james

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Hello I'm Jamie,. I am 48 yrs old ,married for 23 yrs ,with 3 adult children, and 2 grandchildren.   I have been feeling quite feminine for about 15 yrs. And as I look back to my  youth I can see where I was girly then also.    My sister knows and this past weekend I came out to my cousin. Wow did that go great.  What a relief...  My wife is not so understanding. We need to talk so bad but the time never seems right.  She is like a detective and finds my clothes but won't say anything.  It's hard on us both.  Yesterday I told her it's time to talk when she feels ready ,so I can have the safe house we tell our kids about.  She said she's Beyond screaming.  This was in a text.  We still must talk though.   I came to this site with hope to find answers and like minded people.      

I feel I'm very fluid I must me a man for my job and children and wife , but deep inside I can sure feel her. And she wants out.   

When I was told many years ago to look at your self in the mirror and see who you really are I hated it I didn't like what I saw and didn't know why.   But I never stopped.  Than one day I saw her and now I like looking in the mirror.

Well that's me in a nut shell 

Thanks for reading and please comment anything that might help 

Jamie

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  • Admin

Hi Jamie and welcome!  I'm glad you found us.

 

Of all the people closest to us, it can be the spouses who take it the hardest.  For some, that's a roadblock that can be overcome.  For others, well, they have a harder time with it.  I think the best thing I can recommend while things are up in the air with your wife is meeting with a therapist who knows the ins and outs of gender issues.  If she won't go with you, you should absolutely go on your own, as you'll still find help with framing things in a way that will help your wife understand. 

 

TransPulse keeps a database of folks who work with the trans community.  You can plug your ZIP code in there and filter it to therapists.  In the meantime, all you can do is keep trying to engage with your wife, on the basis of the fact that shoving things under the rug isn't helpful for either one of you.

 

Don't hesitate to jump in with any questions you have or dive into other conversations as well!

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  • Forum Moderator

Hi Jamie,

Welcome to TransPulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

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  • Root Admin

Hello Jamie,

 

Welcome to TransPulse.:)  Fire away with any questions you may have. We'll try to provide answers.

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  • Forum Moderator

Hi Jaime,

 I second Devs advice, she gave me similar advice as I am in the same boat with you... I am working quick to find gender therapy help as well as a marriage counselor that can work with this particular issue. Don't give up, personally I count on love to win, but don't offer yourself up as a sacrifice to others that would seek to stop you or ruin your self worth. I hope the best for you and can only recommend talking to everyone here, they are the most wonderful people I have met in my life-

squishy hugs,

Jae

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Hi Jamie,

i know just how you feel. My wife would't allow me to express myself and I had to hide it from her. That makes for a hard life. I hope that you can work things out and agree that you should find a therapist who can help sort things out. Best of luck to you.

 

Brandi

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Guest Rachel Gia

Tough call but I can safely say that honestly talking to counsellors for my marriage and being honest about how I felt might might have saved my marriage long enough to get the kids through school and on their way.

Thing were different back then but my mistake was to remain mute.

She knew before we married but I was in denial as to how deep being TG I actually was.

i had given up who I was for the marriage but eventually my life went sideways and those around me suffered more than necessary.

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Thanks for the response nice to talk to somebody  who understands ?

I found 2 therapist in my area a few weeks back one isn't taking new patients now and the other is yet to get back with me.  I guess I better call her back again. 

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  • Forum Moderator

Don't give up, find more references or keep calling... I am doing the same right now. You married for love, stay together for the same reason.

Hugs,

Jae

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Well I talked to her tonight, went better than I thought but still not good.  Of course she doesn't understand and I understand that very much.   I told her that I'm in contact with a therapist.   Can only move forward from here. The great news is she won't leave me.    That's one amazing woman.      Now  to what the future brings. 

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  • Admin

That is great news, Jamie!  The road ahead may well be bumpy, but if she's committed, you'll both make it through.  Hopefully as time goes on she'll be willing to go with you to therapy.

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  • Forum Moderator

Hello Jamie and a belated welcome.

 

Just now, Dev said:

The road ahead may well be bumpy, but if she's committed, you'll both make it through. 

I hope for the best for you both. 

 

Jani

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     Jamie it is wonderful that your wife is staying with you you two still have a rough road ahead but it is worth the effort  my wife is still with me so far after 3 years she has come a long way in accepting me but the future is still far from certain my best advice is to be open honest and communicate and don't make promises unless you are absolutely sure you can keep them 

 

bobbisue:)

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  • Forum Moderator

That is fantastic news! I am quite jealous, I still need to move beyond just admitting a little cross dressing to my wife... I am so happy for you, what an amazing love story you two are going to make!

BIG squishy hug,

Jae

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  • Forum Moderator

Jamie  i'm sorry i didn't get back to you sooner but it sounds like the tides are changing since your first post.  Your story to date seems close to mine.  My wife had a terrible reaction at first.  I started therapy, went full time and today almost 6 years later we are living together with a closer relationship than ever.

 Wishing you the best on what for me was a difficult but remarkably rewarding journey.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Well I talked to her tonight, went better than I thought but still not good.  Of course she doesn't understand and I understand that very much.   I told her that I'm in contact with a therapist.   Can only move forward from here. The great news is she won't leave me.    That's one amazing woman.      Now  to what the future brings. 

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Sorry about the double post above lol

 

Thanks for all the support , it means the world to me....

 

 

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Hello Jamie. So nice to meet you. It sounds like the two of you have much learning ahead of you, and I hope it goes well. I found your introduction touching and I could really relate to this line: "And she wants out." This has been my experience too, and it seems that once I accepted this, there was no turning back :)

 

Gwen

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  • 2 weeks later...

So I went to visit mom and dad in Florida at their winter home mother and I went shopping for a tank top to go with my running pants and there were no men's so I told her I don't care I'm not scared I will wear a woman's which is really what I wanted so her and I went shopping to the stores and bought two women's tank tops.      When I met up with my wife she wonder where they came from I told her my mom bought them for me. She gave me a funny look wondered if I told my mother about what was going on and I said no which I didn't. I did mention a few times about my girly side to my mother just in conversation. I don't know if she picked up on it or not or if it just casually flu buy her.    It was a great vacation all in all got to wear my pinky ring and a towel ring and nobody said nothing about it. It felt great

 

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That's awesome hun! If your mom was ok with buying women's clothing for you you might be surprised what else she would be ok with. Florida sounds like a great change from the snow here!

 

Hugs

Jenny

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5 hours ago, Jamie james said:

Yes came home to Michigan to a snow storm   love Michigan.   

Also when we were at the mall for dinner at one of the beauty shops a guy picked me out of the crowd to put some kind of lotion under my eyes   crazy  I noticed he had mascara on his eyelashes and I'm sure he saw I did also.      I felt awesome about the whole situation ?.    I thought maybe dad would say something but nope. He's weird about that kind of thing ( kinda homophobic ?)

 

5 hours ago, Jamie james said:

 

 

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Ok wish me luck!!!   I'm outing myself today to my wife's best friend.   She needs someone to talk to and I think j needs to know since we all spend so much time together.      I'm   Allot nervous about this , I know my wife will be upset but I think it's best  ???

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  • Forum Moderator

 I’m wishing you all the luck in the world! your wife should understand, I wish I had the courage to be more forward with people but then again I’m a total coward... and it’s so amazing to see brave souls like yourself putting themselves out there and making these decisions to do the things that are best for them. I truly hope I find a little more courage, but this forum has been fantastic, and I even find a little courage just from the news about you telling your wife’s best friend, I’m sure all will go well, please fill us in after things are done, I would really love to hear how it went. 

Long squishy hug,

Jae

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Good luck Jamie! I'm glad you're considering her needs. One of the first things my wife and i talked about was her finding someone she trusts to talk to. I was out with them before anybody. Interestingly one of them already thought i might be gay. LOL! SURPRISE! We have to just keep reminding ourselves that our SO is transitioning right along with us. Or so we hope anyway!

 

Hugs

Jenny

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Wishing you luck Jamie! I hope that it goes well for you. Sometimes the anticipation is worse that the actual experience.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

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