Just me

[Jani]

3 hours ago, Jennylynn said:

One of the first things my wife and i talked about was her finding someone she trusts to talk to.

This is important but remember that a friend may not be unbiased.  A counselor of her own would be a good idea too. (No one said transitioning was inexpensive)

 

Jani

[Jamie james]

Well I told j.    She laughed and said she wouldn't have ever expected that ,she never thought I was girly.   And that was fine by me .   All in all it was a great conversation as I figured it would. J just went through a civil divorce and my wife was there for her, and j said when my wife was ready she would talk to her.   

 

Now I haven't said anything to wife yet of course that's the hardest thing to do...

 

As always thanks for all the support.   

Love you gals 

Jamie

[Jani]

This is a journey of many small steps and you just took another.  Good for you.  

 

Jani

[Jamie james]

Ok I talked to a counselor today and have an appointment.  Yeaaaa .

Not sure yet if she takes my insurance but made an appointment anyway. I can pay for one out of pocket for now.     We had a great talk and I can't believe all I told her , yep even that I want bigger breasts.   That was odd.     We'll see in 2 weeks.  I'll keep you posted

Jamie?

[BrandiBri]

I think we all want bigger breastsLOL. Good luck. I sure it will go well.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

[SandraG]

Hi Jamie! I completely empathize with what you're going through.
 

I came out to my wife about a month ago. We have had our fair share of challenges, as well. Sometimes it feels like she's having more psychological issues about my transition than I am! Somehow, since I realized what's going on, it's allowed me to be far more supportive of her than I have ever been able to be before (I'm discovering I make a far better wife than husband, even if neither of us has ever taken gender roles seriously... still working that one out in my head!).

She actually kinda forced the issue before I had it internally sorted out enough to talk about it.  Since that very long, very confusing, very stressful conversation, we've been able to discuss pretty much everything about the transition. She's definitely not happy talking about surgery (exactly what I'm going to do is still very up in the air...), but I won't be able to afford that for quite a while anyways, so it's easy to just not talk about it with her that much. She's also very conflicted that my tastes are much more "girly" than hers are. 

Hopefully, now that everything's started to be out there between you, it'll be easier to talk about the issues that both of you are having with how the transition will affect your marriage. Mine has become more supportive over the last month or so (with occasional bad days, all relating to my coming out and interaction with people OUTSIDE our marriage, thankfully...), and I'm getting better at judging her comfort level discussing different aspects of the transition to make the conversations easier on her. If your wife knows that you're being open and honest with her, it will go a LONG way to helping her adjust, it'll just take a bit of time.

It's great that you found a therapist! That's the next big step for me... really nervous, despite being in therapy more than not for most of my life. Hopefully things work out well with them!

[jae bear]

Hey Jamie, 

Good for you seeing a therapist, that’s a huge step, certainly the best one I think I’ve ever made and I highly recommend it, I’m paying out-of-pocket too, but I really like my therapist. I honestly think things are gonna go little easier once you tell your wife but it is going to be a hard thing to find the time, effort, energy and will to do, I did mine a little by accident, thank you bottle of Merlot, however it really was the right thing for me to do even if I did it for the wrong reason. ( I do not recommend the bottle of Merlot method) I have to agree with others, things are better now, my wife and I talk and she understands me more, but I’m having the same trouble talking a little too much outside the home, I have to be careful not to make her uncomfortable. You’re definitely making steps that are necessary, and sometimes it feels like they don’t come soon enough and sometimes it’s so fearful that we don’t want to see it happen for a long time, it’s all a very weird concept. I have to agree about you wanting bigger breasts, I very much want that too, top surgery is definitely in my future, but then again that will publicly out me everywhere as  double D’s are my preference?

squishy hugs,

Jae

[Jamie james]

She expressed her dislike for the whole idea...   She has no way to fix this , and that's probably the hardest for her as she likes to be in control.  And this has her out of control,much like riding on an airplane.        She expressed how much she loves me Wich is awesome!!!!     

Of course as she explodes sort of speak          I just shut down and let her go....   This is the hardest part for me.   Seeing her hurt.  I hate that.    Sorry to say but that's my biggest dysphoria.   Not the girly feelings

Jamie ?

[jae bear]

Hi Jaimie,

I’m so sorry, I very much understand, and as much as my wife is wonderful and supports me I really do wish she would yell once in a while, I even told her I wish she would yell at me once in a while, that’s just not how she works... she is also someone who loves to be in control, so that’s a very big similarity. I know exactly how you feel, I hate seeing my wife hurt, and confused without a direct path to resolution, while your wife may be very vocal or loud mine is very quiet, and I really think both options are terrible. I think we both seek the approval of our wives, as I know it’s very important to me I can only imagine it must be important to you, and in both our dreamworlds I’m sure our wives are terribly and wonderfully supportive and willing do all sorts of wonderful girly things for us and with us, but the reality is They don’t know what to do with all of this, and I can only say that time will be the one thing we both need to give our wives.  I will say that at least the conversation didn’t end in something terrible, and as I’ve often seen or heard things can go terribly wrong with admitting who you are to your wife, but the first step is a positive one, she’s not kicked you out and she told you how much she loves you, that is a very important first step even if we wish for something more. The old joke of course... I think Dev put on the jokes Page, goes something like,     my wife accused me of being a cross dresser, so I gathered up her things and left.      I guess I could offer a little bit of encouragement as my wife has started being more supportive as time goes by, she even bought me a Home waxing kit, although I don’t know if that’s to lessen the cost of electrolysis or just to be nice and buy me something that she knows I’m going to need. I actually think it would be quite fun for us to do this for each other, she could Use some and I could use a lot!

hugs,

Jae

[Jamie james]

Yes jar bear

Time seems to be the answer hear a lot

And I have allot of time..... Lol

Tomorrow I see a counselor.  Getting EXCITED.  

[Jamie james]

*****jae ******.  Auto correct

[jae bear]

 How funny! I didn’t even see the misspelling at first, then I had to laugh! I think I disturbed my coworkers in their cubicles, I’m so happy you’re going to see a therapist, it really is the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. And that’s exactly what it is, you’re doing something nice for yourself, is this something you’re going to enjoy just as much as any other self-indulgent me time thing that you could do to make yourself feel good. I look forward all week to seeing my therapist so I pretty much think you will too!

Hugs,

Jae

 Oh, and someday I think I want to change that to Jay rabbit, but that’s probably at least a year away!