I hate being single! Finding a boyfriend when you are MtF, pre-op?

[ElissaMtF]

It’s killing me to be single.
Being single and trans is the worst combination you can think of.
Especially when you are a straight trans woman like myself.
Cis men are so insecure to be labeled gay,... for dating a pre-op trans woman. 

I so wish I was born as a cis woman. Things would have been so much easier.

Guys tell me that I’m cute but they always leave the second part of their sentence away. What they mean is “ cute for a transsexual “ or “ cute to fool around with “ 

But never “ cute to love and spend my life with “ .

I want a normal relationship with a straight man too, just like other girls my age. Why does everything have to be so much more complicated for a condition I didn’t have control over?

I think they would even react this way if I were post-op. From the moment they hear “ transsexual “ they will either run away, kill you or fetishize you.

Never this “ I don’t care, you are still the woman I want to be with “ response.

I want to put myself out there, be honest about my transsexual medical history with men, but I want to be seen for me. Not just for my body or for my trans history. For me, as a woman where transsexual is just that adjective that this woman carries around.

I want a man who will love me just the same, the same as if I were born in the correct body from the start.

Dating as a straight trans woman who transitioned post-puberty and is pre-op sounds like a never-ending Odyssee.

Where are all ‘em cute guys at who don’t care about my trans past?

I put an advertisement on Craigslist and was confronted with tons of chasers and crossdressers ( eggs who secretely want to transition themself ). 

While I clearly put in my advertisement that I was not willing to use my penis and that I have plans for an SRS.

Most guys want to fullfill their “ -crossdresser- “ fantasy with a girl like me.

Why can’t the chasers just hire an escort and leave me alone?

When will dating get better? 
I want a boyfriend. One with an open mind, a basic amount of empathy and intelligence and one who will love me more than anyone else in this world.

At university I seam to attract more girls than guys. 
While my face is not male and I have been on hormones for 27+ months so I give off female pheromones. Yet, women approach me in an “ I’m interested in you as a dating match “ way.
Why can’t I attract one hell of a hot straight guy who wants me to be his princess and will protect and love me?

Those women who approach me as a “ dating match “ make me dysphoric as hell.

I’m a girl, that’s obvious, why do I still face this much difficulty?
I so want to give up on dating.

Needed to vent somewhere.

Hugs,
Elissa.

[JJ]

My straight cis daughter has been looking for a long time for a man who wants a friend and companion in life. Not a mother or a housekeeper or a therapist. She even went to one of those dating dites. She gets lots of contacts but not what she's looking for. She a smart attractive woman too.

It wouldn't necessarily be better if you were born cis. Dreaming about something is always much, much easier than the reality.

Yes it is harder for trans people, and believe it or not gay trans people face as much non acceptance from other gays as straight trans people do from straight.

I've had communication with hundreds of trans people, gay and straight, FTM and MTF. And non-binary. Some find people to share their lives with. Some don't. But the ones we ho do have generally been the positive, self accepting  people.

One thing that helps is to join groups that do activities you enjoy. Get to know people. Develop friendships and romance can develop from there. Real relationships built on who you both are as people.

It is possible. It does happen. Sometimes when we anticipate someone rejecting us or having a problem with us we send negative signals and actually cause what we fear.

Don't stereotype people, be open to meeting and getting to know people in social, non-date environments or activities and don't expect to be rejected. You might be surprised what happens

 

 

[Lizzie McTrucker]

Girl, you are saying everything I've been thinking for the last, well since I put myself out there in online dating. I wish I could find a guy who doesn't mind that I'm trans, not because I specifically am trans. It's interesting because lately I've been getting messages from guys, who seem nice and decent, and then suddenly the conversation turns sexual (despite me asking that it doesn't) and then a day or two later, *poof* they're gone. So much for that date we had planned....

 

And I do attract the straight mens. So much so they don't even bother to read my profile where it specifically says "Transgender", they just look at the main profile picture (a bigger version of my avatar here). When I bring it to their attention, because I want to make sure they know ahead of time, that's when they usually disappear. Or they probably do finally read my profile, freak out and disappear.

 

I'm not completely sure if being post-op will make things better, but I won't know until I get there.

...I'm also almost ready to turn lesbian because of all this.

[Hayden]

Some people decide not to disclose the fact that they are trans until after a date or two. It isn't lying. Strangers aren't entitled to information about your genitals. Maybe that's something that you should consider trying. 

[MarcieMarie12]

Hayden, that is always the great debate of dating for trans people. When do you tell?  

 

Regarding the original topic though, most relationships I see for transgender people are with other transgender people, or bi and pansexual. They have an easier time with things like this from what I have seen (even if they are cis). . 

[~Nova~]

I'm almost 6 years post op and it makes no difference.

 

I get plenty of dates. Either they don't read my profile or they do and pretend it doesn't matter. Most just wanna have sex and then disappear.  To be honest in the beginning it was fun, and I didn't care if they flew the coop. I was pretty much getting what I wanted out of the dates too. Then I decided I was tired of the one night stands and I wanted more, so I stopped giving in on the first date and they still never called back. That's when I gave up.

 

Someday I'll meet the right guy. He doesn't have to be Mr. right, but I don't want Mr right now either.  So, I wait.

 

Big hugs for everybody.