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Coming out to a religion family?

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Right well I’d be clear amd say that I’m a trans non binary male who also happens to be asexual and biromantic - I come from a family that’s rather religious family - my father the most so where everyone else sort of just agree with his teachings let’s say. My step mother is more open minded though and I came out to her year ago as bisexual (which at the time I thought I was because I thought aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction were the same thing) she wasn’t exactly unsportive but nor was she very understanding either and instead just thought I was “confused”.... which in that case tbh I was slightly but if I now try and correct that it will just prove her theory to be correct in her eyes and with that she is even less likely to believe my gender instead just saying im just a tomboy who’s being doing too much research on the internet and that I e somehow convinced myself I’m actually male.


My father is a lot trickier though as he has actually both:

only women and men can get married,


you were born the way god intended you to be.


While these are certainly not the most homo/transphobic comments out there my father hasn’t mentioned lgbt+ topics outside these comments. He has very black and white views and can get very angry and make you feel bad about something even when it’s not your fault. 


Im really struggling to go on having to hear she everywhere, not being able to wear my binder in the house e.g. I am legal an adult but I literally don’t have any where to go more have the money - if I did I’d leave a letter somewhere and just go for a few days while he gets use to the idea and comes to term with it. 


If I’m honest it’s literally hell most days but I have yet to find a solution to things - anyone have any suggestions?

Thanks in advance. 

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Hello IAmJust Me,

Welcome to TransPulse. :)   If your parents are as transphobic as you say, your only realistic option would be to move out. That should be a goal to work for. Do you have a job?  If not, is there any reason why you can't? If you can get a job, save your money  and get a place of your own. If you have friends, perhaps you could team up with one or more of them to get a place. You're of legal age so they wouldn't have any say in the matter. You can't live you life trying to live up to others expectations.  If you do, you'll live a life of misery. It's your life to live. Not theirs



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Hello Just Me.  I understand your financial situation can be tough to get over when you're ready to move on with your life.  It doesn't sound like coming out to your father is a good idea at this time and your appraisal of your step mother's opinion is more or less spot on.   Is it safe to assume you can travel about freely?  If so you might find a support group nearby to join so you can talk face to face with others.  This is a really good thing to do if you can find one.  I have two that I frequent, even though I have to drive some distance to the meeting places.  If possible you might contact the nearby GIC.  I don't know if you need a referral or not.  Speaking with a counselor is another good move.  Talking with someone who is supportive and non-judgmental helps to sort things out.  As you move along you may further define yourself since the spectrum is wide.   MaryEllen is correct that it is your life.  But be wise and don't put yourself in danger of being thrown out of the house.  I know its hard but bide your time until its right to move on, physically and mentally.


I'm glad you found us.  Please join in whenever you can.



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Hello IAmJustMe,

Welcome to TransPulse. I agree 100% wiyh what bot MaryEllen and Jani said. If you can find a good theapist and/or a support group, that would be a good starting point. As Jani said talking to others who are not judgmental, and know what you are going through is a form of therapy. You are among friends here.





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Thank you all, for the advice - I think you’re right and ill just have wait till I can earn enough to support myself. 



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You can do it and you'll be well prepared when you do.  Many of us older folks waited a lifetime and we're doing all right.  Make plans and work towards your goals.  Get a good education and a solid job.  Transitioning requires a stable income.   Life will be easier when you're not concerned with having a roof over your head.  


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