Its hard passing as Male

[Chris Hutson]

Im FtM and I have just come out to my family. But its hard to pass as male. I have a binder and boy cloathes. Its just the small things that people seem to notice. Like parts of my  body type and the way i hold myself. Does anyone have anymore tips as passing as a boy?

[Jani]

Hello Chris and welcome.  Passing is much more than looks.  Take a careful look around at guys you see.  They are way different than women in how they carry themselves, talk, and walk.  Guys tend to be more expansive, think man-spreading when they sit and they can be louder when they speak.  As for dressing, guys today typically don't wear bright colors tending to a more conservative look.  In stores you can see the lack of color in the men's section.  Dressing can be seen as making a statement that ends to be tightly curated.  Most guys don't wear a lot of jewelry.  Don't be overly concerned about height as like women, men come in all sizes.  

 

Jani  

[Guest Rachel Gia]

I know three trans men and they are inspirations to me, not so much for passing but their core belief of who they are.

Hormones help with the beard thing but that also comes at the risk of pattern baldness so not all go that route.

Passing is nice (possibly overrated) but acceptance is more important to me!

Rachel

[tracy_j]

Passing is something that, probably along with most others, I worried far more about in the past. It seems to be a goal and while logical, is really something that can become a mental nightmare. For many cis men and women it is not always 100%. These days it is something I think far less about. I feel I am the woman I am, and as Rachel says - Acceptance is more important.

 

My advice is to look at boys, how they behave, dress, talk etc. Also associate with them as far as you safely can, in your male form. Like learning a new language, there is perhaps no better way than living with the locals. Just be careful.

 

Tracy

[ChickenLittle]

I can definitely relate-- I'm now 8 months on T and I'm only just beginning to pass sometimes in public, and I suspect that's only because I'm with my clearly queer male partner! I know it's super frustrating, but try to take things one day at a time. If you end up taking T, things will definitely improve with time. And if you don't, that's totally okay too. You may want to consider seeking out a speech therapist for voice therapy. A lot of people think only trans women use voice therapy but it can be helpful for us guys too!

 

One other thing to consider is making sure you have pants that don't accentuate your hips-- I've always been very short and fairly curvy in the hips/butt area so I buy kids' jeans that are either tapered or athletic fit and they work pretty well. Oh, and if you're not averse to working out, that's probably the thing that has helped me more than anything else. Find exercises that work on your shoulders. It will change the way your shirts fit and it makes a huge difference. 

[Chris Hutson]

22 hours ago, Chris Hutson said:

Im FtM and I have just come out to my family. But its hard to pass as male. I have a binder and boy cloathes. Its just the small things that people seem to notice. Like parts of my  body type and the way i hold myself. Does anyone have anymore tips as passing as a boy?

stayin alive stayin alive ah ah ah ah stayin aliveeeeeeeeeeee

[Jennylynn]

Hitting the gym always helps. For me now it is about toning and elongating muscles instead of bulk. Before i came out i was big on free weights. Putting on a little extra beef might make a big difference. Guys tend to work on arms, pecs, and back muscles. You could meet with a personal trainer and talk about your goals.. They could set you in the right direction. Just my 2 cents.

 

Hugs,

Jenny

 

 

[jae bear]

I have enough trouble passing as a male when I was born as one... drats, why did that happen? ? I wish I had some insight to give you but as others have said sometimes it’s just the way you carry yourself or a little bit of confidence but I’m not much of an expert so I can only agree with those that have good ideas. One thing I do know is that this forum is fantastic and I encourage you to talk openly and often as it has helped me tremendously.

squishy hugs,

Jae

[Rachael]

Passing is what we all hope for. It is also elusive at times. I have been places with friends and had the wait staff call us ladies, today I did my best and one person still called me sir. 

Now I do my best, go like I pass and have a good time. 

It will get better. Good luck 

[Ravin]

Honestly? It was really hit or miss for me until I started T. A little over a month after that, my voice dropped, and within six months I was "passing" consistently, unless my kids were with me (with their chorus of "mommy! mommy! mommy!") Now, even the kids calling me mom doesn't usually get me "clocked"--it just confuses people!

[jae bear]

 I get a real kick out of that ( mommy mommy mommy ) my own kid has accidentally called me mom a couple times in the last few days, she has no idea, I’m only in the beginning phases of HRT (9 months) but for some reason it’s either an accident, coincidence or fore telling. However I would never want to supplant my wife or take her title, she earned it, I didn’t... it’s going to be a real head scratcher to figure out exactly where I land in the title department !

Hugs,

Jae

[BrandiBri]

I spent 58 years passing as a boy/man just to survive. I just accepted that I was supposed to present as male and did my best, practice makes perfect I guess. No one ever suspected. Like Jae, I don't want my kids to call me "mom" or the grandkids to call me "grandma". For family am still dad, grandpa. I figure if the grandkids want to call me somethig else, I will suggest "Aunt Brandi", after all I am my sister!

 

Hugs,

Brandi

[jae bear]

I can definitely equate to that Brandi! I overcompensated as much as I could, and I still got called out quite often, I just wish I had taken better care of the boy body as it would be much less work fixing it up now during transition! I am thinking a lot about what I want to be called, I am toying with just using Rabbit for a family pronoun (my youngest calls me Bear as much as Dad...), and of course everyone already calls me Jae so that's no big deal...

Hugs,

Jae

[Werzle]

Hey Chris, I totally get it. I'm at that point in my transformation that my focus is on passing. I think acceptance of our own identities will come in time, but for now I'm with you and I just live for the times when someone says "sir" instead of "miss."

 

The thing I found that helped the most in the general public is learning to walk like a guy, and as nebulous as this might sound, I found that imagining I've got a penis really helps. It totally changes my gait and shoulder movements and how I hold my pelvis and back when I compensate for that extra dangly bit between my legs that is as yet merely a dream.

 

The other thing, which is way way harder, is paying attention to how men communicate with other men. Being brought up as female my biggest thing when greeting or acknowledging other people is the smile. I always always smile at people. But guys tend not to do this with other guys. They nod or mutter a vague greeting before passing quickly on. My dad was old school masc and he only very recently started smiling at people when he greeted them and even then it was only women. Men always got a nod and a grunt. While this is changing with younger generations, I find when trying to pass overcompensating for your masc side helps.

 

In terms of clothing, layering and button ups/zip ups are your friend. A t-shirt under a collared shirt, either left open or fastened in a low V works excellently and I've got a large chest (D cup). Also whatchamacallit necks. I'll post a photo lol!

 

Also if you feel safe enough to do it, getting your hair cut in a masc style. I'm not good with people touching me so I've never been good with hair cuts and such but I did research and found a salon that was LGBTQ+ friendly and booked with the solitary male stylist and specifically told him that I wanted something more masculine.

 

Okay photo time. I'm three months on T and this was a good passing day on the day I took it mostly because of the sweater.

 

Hope some of this helps!

[Jani]

You're looking good!  

 

Yes, guys communicate much differently than women.  But you pick up on it quickly enough.

 

Jani