Why must anyone be anything??

[Jani]

31 minutes ago, Kirsten said:

Things have started to happen and after so many years of nothing happening it’s kind of scary.

This is so normal Kirsten.  Its also understandable that your wife is pensive as well.  This is a change to you and to your relationship with her.  Take it slow and only go as fast as you both can handle.  The old saying "Don't drive faster than your Angels can fly" certainly applies.   She may need to talk to others as a mother-child relationship is different than what she is experiencing.  Just be prepared.

 

Parking is at a premium around Fenway.  I generally park at an outlying T station and take the train in to Kenmore and walk a couple blocks to Boylston Street.  Best of luck.  

 

Jani  

[Kirsten]

This is so hard. The crying. The thoughts. The pain in yourself and the loving people around you. It’s nearly impossible to deal with. One minute you feel so happy to have your heart and mind finally feel like one person. The next you feel like you are destroying the lives of everyone you care about. I feel like I am the most selfish person ever to walk the earth. But it’s literally too late to go back at this point. I know it’s right. I know it’s who I am. I know I can’t lie anymore. But I wish I could. ?

My wife keeps telling me it’s all going to work out. To keep taking this one day, one minute at a time. But I am so scared. 

I’m sorry I keep vomiting out all of this stuff here. I am literally the gray cloud that follows people around lately. 

I guess I just hope this helps someone like me in the future. 

[Cyndee]

22 minutes ago, Kirsten said:

I feel like I am the most selfish person ever to walk the earth. But it’s literally too late to go back at this point.

 

You will find that you have to be selfish to some degree, and try not to feel guilty about it.

 

Find your own balance between your needs and those you care about.

 

If you are not healthy, how can you take care of those you love ?

 

Take care...

 

C -

 

 

[Jani]

I wish I could tell you there was a different and simpler route but I don't believe there is.  You just have to plow through and make the best of it.  You're not selfish because you are showing your loved ones who you really are and for that you'll be a better person.  It sounds like your wife is with you so follow her lead and take it slowly.  In a way the fear will keep you from making any rash decisions.  Be kind and loving, to yourself and your wife.

 

Jani

[Kirsten]

Yes I know you are right. But it doesn’t make it any better. Or easier. It is a difficult road that we take. There’s no doubt in that. 

[Kirsten]

Hey everyone. I hope that all is well for everyone. Happy belated Easter as well!  

So I have been a busy lil beaver the last weeks figuring out what needs to be done, who I need to talk to, what I need to do etc.... 

and ive finally got my ducks in a row I think. I have my first appointment with Fenway Health on the 18th! I’m not sure exactly what’s gonna happen though. It’s a day off from work, a trip into a part of the city I don’t regularly end up in, and just far enough out that I’m gonna end up nervous about 10000 times by then. Haha. But the sooner I can be watched by a professional the better. 

I did have my blood work done last week as well and although things are “not right” my dr told me I am in no trouble in the short term with what i am doing currently. 

I have also started using hair treatment stuff for my balding and it’s honestly helping. Nothing major of corse, but something’s better than nothing right?! 

I am also slowly changing my outward appearance. Longer hair pulled back, slightly different clothes, jewelry, etc.... And the responses from people close to me seem overwhelmingly positive which is extremely surprising. My end goals aren’t that much further appearance wise than where I am now as well. So it at least helps me feel a little better. I’ve gotten a lot of “you need to do what you need to do” and things like that. I’m not optimistic on all of my friends sticking around, but maybe a couple will. And that’s huge as I’m sure many have found out before me. 

My wife remains supportive optimistic nervous and scared. But things are peaceful. And that’s wonderful. 

I did notice my nipples are starting to hurt. And they look larger. It’s only <not allowed> estradiol that I am on, but I think it definitely changing things. That makes me nervous. I honestly don’t want too much change in that area. Anything else I’m ok with. But as little as i can there is what I want. Also the hair on my hands has become much less noticeable. That’s a welcome change. And my stomach and chest area are the same. Not that I am that hairy anyways but it’s less so that’s good! 

Another thing I just don’t understand is that I am getting carded again anytime I buy alcohol. I’ve been out to eat twice in the last 2 weeks and both times I was carded! I haven’t been carded in years. Lol. It’s probably just a weird coincidence but you have to admit it’s kind of odd. I have been moisturizing more. And I did quit smoking. And I’m exercising too which may all be helping as well.

I don’t know. But it all makes me feel better. So whatever it is it’s all good for me.  

mom I think I’ve been chattering away for a time now. Lol. 

❤️Kirsten❤️

[Kirsten]

Oh also I feel I should at least say I try to read as many of everyone’s posts here daily. But most times I don’t feel I have much insight into things. I have had an interesting road to get to where I am. To say the least. Lol. But I do not feel that most of my experience is very helpful most of the time to most people. Or maybe I have trouble saying what I’m thinking? I’m not sure. But thank you to everyone who posts on these forums. 

[Jani]

Hello Kirsten.  Thanks for the update.  Congrats on getting your appointment.  I remember that was extremely nervous when I met with my doctor there.  When the tech took my vital signs my BP was way higher than normal which I commented on.  I was told not to worry, all would be fine, which it was. 

 

As to not commenting all the time, that's fine.  All of our experiences are valid and valuable, because they are mile markers we all go through.  Offering support though is nice, as is celebrating others marking a milestone.  Sometimes a few words of encouragement go along way to making someone's day.    

 

As you change you will note things like being viewed as being younger and that some friends that professed support may have a change of heart.  Look at it as the cycle of life where people enter and leave your life regularly.  Your wife may have trepidation over your physical changes and that is normal as the old you is who she fell in love with.  Take it slowly and keep listening and talking.  I edited the dosage since posting values is not allowed.  

 

Your appointment will be here soon enough and I know you'll be a happy camper!  

Jani

[Kirsten]

49 minutes ago, Jani said:

 I edited the dosage since posting values is not allowed.  

Sorry. I was not aware of that. 

 

[Brenden McCormick]

Congrats Kirsten! 

[Brenden McCormick]

No one has to be anything. All I can say is just be yourself. That's the most beautiful thing. I know for me it's hard to find a category/label that fits me best. So I just classify myself as a crossdresser. I think all the labels sometimes can get too confusingggg!There are so many.  All in all it's not the label that makes you who you are. It's you just being who you want to be! Reaching your full potential. Even if you don't want a label just classify yourself with your name. 

 

 

Lots of love! 

[Kirsten]

1 hour ago, Brenden McCormick said:

It's you just being who you want to be!

I agree whole heartedly. And thank you! 

 

[Brenden McCormick]

15 minutes ago, Kirsten said:

I agree whole heartedly. And thank you! 

 

 

No problem!