Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Scott


Scott

Recommended Posts

Hi,

 

I was born male and ever since I was a child I can remember something wasn't quite right with me never fitted in at school or college always got bullied for no reason. I always look at females and I was jealous of them but never thought why and didn't think to much into it. Now the years have passed and I'm nearly in my 40's and it's really getting to me now every day passes by and the feeling gets stronger and stronger I love looking at women's clothes online and I wear them when my wife is not around. I don't think I can continue in the male body any more and I am thinking of coming clean to my wife which I do love very dearly but this will destroy her and I'm not sure if I can do it or how to tell her that I want to be a woman. I had a break down 10 years ago and tried to take my own life. I'm scared of rejection from my wife family and friends and I don't know what to do. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hello Scott and welcome.  I believe coming out to your wife will change your life and hers.  You need to determine if she might be understanding.  Being afraid of rejection is a common fear.  As we do with most people that are coming to a point of understanding themselves, I wholeheartedly recommend seeking the counsel of a gender therapist.  You can contact your local GIC.  Until you decide the direction to take you can explain it as needing to talk to someone about anxiety, which is certainly true.  

 

Lastly, we are here.  Please ask any questions you may have.

 

Jani  

Link to comment

Welcome Scott. I agree with Jani that you should seek out a gender therapist. Coming out to family is scary and hard, but you need to come out to her at some time. I would imagine that a therapist would be willing to offer suggestions on telling her. It is very important to be open and honest with her when you do and give her time to work through her own feelings. After all, this will be a shock to her.

You mentioned that you wear women's clothes when she's not around, are they hers or your own? If they are hers, she may have her own suspicions, as we can't seem to put things back just the way they were.

 

Wishing you the best,

 

Brandi

Link to comment

For myself, I eventually realized I had to come out to my ex. It was a painful process, but after the divorce, life still went on. I found a lot of new friends and my old friends were very accepting. Family was hard, it it took them a long time to come around--but it is not the same. The tipping point for me was that I could no longer continue to live as "him", and my suicidal thoughts became a constant. I had to do something. I found a therapist that helped me through, and I would suggest finding a gender therapist too. It has been over two years now since I started transitioning, I am much happier than I ever was. Even losing my job did not depress me too much, just the loss of the work relationships.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome Scott.  I moved your post to the introduction forum so more folks could get to know you.  

I certainly understand your difficulty in coming out to those close to you.  As mentioned above it is a good idea to get the help and advise of a therapist who has understanding of trans issues.  I know that helped me as did time here reading of others and posting about my journey.

You are not alone.  I know i faced the same issues and the same fears.  How it turns out for you is your journey.  Try to relax and enjoy it as you can.  We are here to help.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Scott,

When I first accepted that I am supposed to be a woman because I am one inside, it was terrifying. I was so afraid I would lose my family and my friends. You and I are not the only ones to have felt this fear. Everyone here has felt this fear. You have lots and lots of company here! Many here were married when they came to their relizations of who they truely are. You will find a lot of experience and caring support and understanding here. You will find friends to share your triumphs with, and shoulders to cry on when needed. 

 

Now that you've found us, you are no longer alone. You are part of our comunity now! I am so glad you're here! Welcome to TransPulse.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

Link to comment
  • Admin

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Scott.  Thank you for opening up to us.  Just doing that can be difficult and stressful, but it does open up a whole new world to you.

 

Your fears are well founded, but sometimes we find that we have to get past those fears to become the person we always knew we were inside.  I hid my true nature from everyone, including my wife and son, for 20 years.  I thought that falling in love with a woman and marrying would cure me of the desire to be a woman.  It worked for a long time,but eventually I decided I didn't want to live a lie any more, and was prepared to pay the price.

 

As some of my friends have suggested to you, I saw a gender therapist, secretly, for a couple of months, and when I was sure of the path I wanted to take, I came out to my wife.  It was very difficult, and those first few months were awkward and painful and stressful.  But eventually she decided she loved the person I was, and stayed.  My son was also supportive.  We are still a family and going strong 8 years later.

 

My point in telling you this is to let you know that, while nothing is certain, you can live your dream, become who you really are, and keep all that you have, and be happy.  It is hard, it is not guaranteed, but it is possible.

 

A journey begins with that first step.  Coming here is that step for you.  Where that journey takes you from here is up to you.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment

Hi, 

 

First of all thanks for all the messages. Well today has been a bit of a rollercoaster for me my feeling are getting stronger I feel physically sick on what to do so I came out to my best friend who I have know for 26 years at first I thought he might go mad and my friendship will end but that being said he couldn’t of been more understanding and he said he is always there for me no matter what regardless of what gender I am on the inside or outside and he will help me every step of the way so I feel a little bit more positive now.

 

scott

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

That's good that you were able to reach out to a friend that is open minded and supportive.  I understand getting ill because of all the noise in your head and trying to decide what to do.  The next person you tell will certainly be a little easier.  Trust me on that.  You find the world does not stop turning and you are still standing.  Take a deep breath!  It's the first of many steps, in what ever direction you choose.

 

Jani

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Jani said:

 The next person you tell will certainly be a little easier.

I totally agree with Jani, each time you tell someone it does get easier. Each step you take will get easier as you work toward your goal.

 

Brandi

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   7 Members, 0 Anonymous, 127 Guests (See full list)

    • Abigail Genevieve
    • Betty K
    • MaryEllen
    • AllieJ
    • April Marie
    • Thea
    • KymmieL
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,013
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. 777fleetleader777
      777fleetleader777
      (21 years old)
    2. ArinHallm3
      ArinHallm3
      (18 years old)
    3. ITakMyTime
      ITakMyTime
      (70 years old)
    4. Jess31
      Jess31
      (40 years old)
    5. Natalie71645
      Natalie71645
      (39 years old)
  • Posts

    • KymmieL
      Well it is a no go for the new position. OH, well. nothing ventured nothing gained.   Kymmie
    • Davie
      Dickey Betts, the singer, songwriter, and guitarist of the Allman Brothers Band whose piercing solos, beloved songs and hell-raising spirit defined the band and Southern rock in general, died Thursday morning 04/18/2024 at the age of 80. Rest in peace...
    • MaeBe
      Thank you @Mirrabooka!
    • April Marie
      What an amazing life you've shared with your wife. I can understand the trepidation you had at telling her at that point in your relationship but it certainly saved all of the guilt, the questioning and the secrecy that would have filled your lives had you not.   I'm on the other end of the spectrum having denied and buried my truth for decades and fast approaching 50 years of marriage when the dysphoria and depression finally came to critical mass and I unloaded it all on a New Year's Day morning. As you might imagine, it led to a lot of questions, of questioning everything, of anger and hurt on my wife's part. Guilt, embarrassment, fear...and anything else you can imagine on my part.   Thankfully, our love for each other has always been the foundation of our relationship and, ultimately, we both agreed that staying together was what we both wanted. It was a tough year but, now into the 2d since my coming out, we've hit our stride and are exploring this new norm in our life.   I do so love your blog.
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Will be at my place
    • Vidanjali
      Congratulations on your new family member!
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I thought I would try my version of this. Changes in bold.   I am Transgender.  Sometimes it is remote, sometimes close. Sometimes I am euphoric, sometimes depressed. It is something I cannot get away from and cannot welcome enough. I see some things both ways that neither men as men see or women as women see.  I can be gentle and compassionate and hard as nails. I was born with male genitals but a female heart   I have my heart.  Whatever it is. When I look at a female, I wish I looked like her  Depends on the woman.  When I look at a male, I wish I did not look like him   Ditto. I envy female movements, softness, behaviors, appearances, fashion...EVERYTHING Female Depends. Sometimes I get angry at them because women spend time and energy in ways men don't.  It is not necessarily bad.  I could do without the gossip. Not all women gossip.  Excessive focus on fashion is something I find annoying. And expensive. I tolerate all things male out of social obligation...not because I feel like a man or because it makes me happy....but because that's what I was forced to believe was my only choice....beginning in early childhood. Sometimes it is helpful to put on the Iron Man suit and act accordingly.  But I have seen some tough women. When I look at myself in the mirror in only bra and panties...I can see my nude female body...and it makes me smile and feel amazing and warm inside....yet sad because that is not my reality. I could go either way, mostly. Really.  In tests in the last two years technicians have gone really quiet when they see how little body and leg hair I have.  I looked at myself this morning.  Remove a few clues and a girl is standing there. When I look at myself in the mirror in only boxers...I can see my nude male body and it saddens me deeply and makes me feel sick and depressed...and at times...even ashamed....Because this IS my reality. At this point I am not going to do that. In the mood I am in I might break the mirror. My true gender does not influence my sexual interests or preferences...or change who I am....in any form or fashion. Gender identity is in no way connected to anything sexually related on any level.  Not sure I want to make that statement so categorically. Life as a male leaves me with a feeling that something is off...that something is missing...that something is not as it should have been.   Well put. The idea of having to continue living as a male...as someone I am not...for the rest of my life...even if its only part time...causes great sadness and anxiety within myself. I've got priorities beyond this that this must fit into. The idea of living as the girl I am and always have been on a full time basis...regardless of where I am, what I am doing or who I am around...brings me great joy, happiness and a sense of peace within myself.  Would be neat. Looking like and living as a girl makes me smile.   Would be neat.  There are downsides.  Looking like and living as a guy makes me sad.   I have had lots of practice accepting this. I am Transgender....I am a girl
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      Good listener, respect them, and show sympathy/empathy, even just being there
    • Ashley0616
      Getting dog today he's potty trained
    • Sally Stone
      Think positively, Ashley.  I have no doubt you'll find your king or queen at some point.   Hugs,   Sally
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Bob had the night off from teaching kara-tay and they planned to spend a lot of it at Cabaret.   Once in, Taylor waited for her man to park and looked around.  There was a sign "Mary, Paul and Peter LIVE tonight" and, sure enough, three microphones were standing in the open area.  A new hostess came up to her. "Are you alone?" "Oh, no.  He's coming." Taylor was led to a table. Bob was there in a minute and managed to get in there and seat her.  She smiled. "The act will be along in a few minutes. And Congratulations! I am SO EXCITED!!" Taylor responded to his look. "I got promoted." "To what?" "Head of Marketing." "You're kidding." "Nope.  It seems the Board finally woke up to the fact that the China cash cow may come to an end and they need to do something. Did you know that the VPs on up all get over a million dollars in compensation without really doing anything?" "No." "I am supposed to figure out how to re-energize over thirty acres of factory that have laid idle for forty years or more." "Why don't they do it?" She whispered,"the head of production is the son of the previous head of production. He has never produced anything."  She explained that everything was made in China and exported back to the US and sold under different brand names. "How am I going to find someone?" He smiled. "Congratulations. Sounds like a problem.  Hey, today we were talking about problems at our Philly plant.  One, it was built before World War 2. Second the city and state are tightening regulations and the tax structure is adverse.  Third, we get protestors every day, some of whom break into the factory.  People are talking about relocating." "We are forty miles from an interstate." "That is a plus.  Makes it harder for protestors to find us if we moved here." "You are really thinking that?" "I am, right now. I can't speak for the company.  I know there is a rail line." "Spur, actually, with several sidings.  The buildings are in good shape." "Do you have about five acres we could look at? How about if I take some pictures and send them off?" "Great.  And protestors would not be tolerated in Millville.  The factory area once upon a time was the main employer and people are very protective." Two weeks later she was in Philadelphia with Gibson and a few others.  The deal was signed and by end of summer ten acres, with an option on another ten, were being upgraded and equipment was coming in by rail. Not five, but ten.  She got a $20,000 bonus out of the blue.  The company was flush with Chinese cash that they didn't know what to do with. She was developing plans. But back to dinner.  "Did I tell you what they are paying me?" "No." She told him. "That is more than I am making." "You don't sound happy." "It takes some getting used to.  You are Management and Croesus combined." "Yeah. Is this a problem?" "No.  As I said, it takes some getting used to."  The musicians arrived and were introduced: three local teenagers in Peter Paul and Mary clothing and wigs like it was the 60s.  They began singing. "They are good," she said. "They are lip-synching." "They are good at lip-synching." They listened for a while. "Work is going to be intense for a while." "I'll bet." "I won't be able to talk to you about some of it." "I bet." They had a good evening.   The high point for Bob was that she let him put his hand on hers.  The high point for her was Bob did not seem threatened by her now being Management and making more than he did with a Masters. She didn't tell him she was likely to be in on the distribution of money the Chinese sent every year to keep them fat and happy.  But she had to finish up that report, so the evening ended early.  He drove her home, checked her apartment for people and again walked away hearing her lock the door three times.  She didn't say it, but he knew she was going to have a long talk with her therapist as well.   Her therapist was a night owl.  
    • Ashley0616
      envy: painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage obsolete : MALICE : an object of envious notice or feeling
    • MaeBe
      I sit back and think, am I this person? I definitely argue, but with the willingness to alter my opinion if I find that my information is lacking. So, no? I also don't go pointing fingers in faces like a crazed person, usually I am the one to argue with that kind of person; typically because they can't see past emotion and have little concern for actual facts. Sometimes it's sport that I do this (ENTP, baby!), but usually it comes from a place of trying to inform and shift opinion--or at least get them to actually obtain facts or get their facts from objective sources.
    • Ashley0616
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...