What am I?

[kekoaw]

I really have no idea what I am. I just feel like I should have a vagina but I still wanna be a guy... Just a guy with a vagina. I have no idea what it is called or even if I should do anything about it. Any ideas or help?

[MaryEllen]

Hello kekoaw,

 

Welcome to TransPulse. My advice would be not to stress out over what you are. You can be anything that you want to be at any given time. There are countless variations in the transgender spectrum so you don't actually have to have a name on it. Just be yourself.

 

MaryEllen

[DenimAndLace]

I know what you're asking but first let it be said that you ARE a valuable, interesting, lovable human being with a lot to offer.  That being said, "What you are" in terms of gender may not have a word ...yet.  I am a transgender woman who is married to a cis, heterosexual, monogamous woman.  What are we?  Some would say a lesbian couple but personally, I think that's up for debate.  I think the purest definition of a lesbian couple  would be two cis gender women who are in a romantic relationship with each other.  What are we then?  What are you?  There are no words to define us perfectly.  YOU are certainly welcome under the transgender umbrella.  We are all infinitely diverse and unique.  Each of us ARE one IN a billion not one OF a billion. 

 

Forgive me for being so blunt but perhaps these tough questions will help you understand yourself better. 

Is your desire to have a vagina an erotic fantasy or do you feel it's what you should have been born with?

Is it possible, although repressed for a myriad of reasons, that you are indeed female?

[Kirsten]

That’s just it. It doesn’t matter “what you are”. If that’s what hurts you then that’s what you need to change. We all need to learn to be happy with ourselves. It’s the only way to true happiness. 

I spent a lifetime hiding myself. No more. I have no desire to live my life as a woman. But I would love to have the body of one. I have severe dysphoria about my body. I’ve been thin,fat, in shape, and not. Never once has my body felt like mine. So I am finally doing what I have to to be happy with my physical body. That’s all that really matters. Heck I haven’t even started yet and I am already happier with myself. 

This is such a difficult thing to deal with. Something that in my opinion nobody should ever have to. But we do. Don’t let little things make it worse. Just be yourself. Help yourself down your path. And forget about the rest. Things have a way of working out I think. 

Cheers 

❤️Kirsten❤️

[Jani]

Hello kekoaw and welcome to TransPulse!  My friends have said it well.  Be YOU!  Work to change what you 're not satisfied with.  It won't happen tomorrow but every journey starts with the first step.  You've taken that step.   I cannot recommend talking with a therapist enough.  I never thought I would but it's been the best thing for me to have an unbiased companion on my journey.  She listens and asks questions that make me think about where I need to be.   Please join the conversation.  We're here.

 

Jani

[Charlize]

Welcome to Trans Pulse.  Accepting myself has taken a lifetime and one thing i've found is that even so my reality appears to be fluid anyway.  I'm not sure there is a name that fits any of us here but trans seems to fit.  Therapy, as Jani suggested helped me a great deal as did reading about others and posting here.  You may wish to post in the intro. forum as well.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[BrandiBri]

Welcome kekoaw

 

Brandi

[kekoaw]

Like... I wanna know if i am able to go through the genital reassignment surgery but no estrogen or anything... Is it even worth it if I am not on hormones? and if I would lose testosterone due to having no testicles after. Just things I need to know to know if I want to have the transition to intersex male or not... 

[DenimAndLace]

That's an interesting question.  My endocrinologist said that it's important to have SOME sex hormones in your body because they serve purposes other than sex drive and causing secondary sexual characteristics.  You may become lethargic or depressed due to low or lack of any hormones.  Your body will make SOME testosterone with your adrenal system even after an orchiectomy (removal of testes) but probably not enough in the near absence of ALL sex hormones. I think a good gender psychologist (one with a medical degree) would be a good choice for you to get mental AND medical questions answered.  I'm not positive what I've told you is 100% reliable.

[Jani]

This is correct, you need some (enough) sex hormone for multiple reasons as D&L notes.

 

Jani 

[Terry]

Hi kekoaw,

 

What you describe sounds quite familiar to me in many ways (not entirely though, I actually see myself in between male and female). I've checked a lot on this, looking at all kinds of resources I could find. As others have said, you do need some kind of sexual hormones. The biggest issue without them seems to be osteoporosis, but there are other issues too.

 

I'd say that technically it should be possible to take testosterone to replace your natural testosterone production. Personally I would probably prefer oestrogen, but as said, I'm similar in some ways, but not all, so you will have to find the solution that is best for you. I'm  still completely unsure about many things, so at the moment I simply take my time and try out things that are non-permanent and see how they make me feel. Gender is a complicated thing, and non-binary identities are far from straightforward to figure out. If I were male or female, I had a clearer idea what to go for. It's just trial and error it seems.

 

Terry