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    • Astrid
      Hi @Lain, welcome to TransPulse.     Not being [fill-in-the-blank-here] enough is something that bothers many cis women, thanks to the insidious drumbeat of marketing.  For trans folks, many of whom wrestle with self-doubt, it can seem like it's a deal-breaker.  But I am in support of all the strong women above (and many others who haven't replied yet) who articulated why it's not stopped them from fulfilling who they know they are.   I have read over a hundred trans drama and romantic novels, before ultimately tiring of the genre. What 95% of them had in common was describing the trans character as "a natural" who, with a bit of makeup, a redo of their already long and full head of hair, and a killer bodycon dress on their petite body, wowed everyone and overcame the inevitable one or two anti-trans people inserted as an element of drama. Well, that isn't reality.  Particularly for those of us who are well past puberty before we act on who we know ourselves to be.   And, the whole concept of passing doesn't need to apply if, like me, you identify as trans non-binary. An AMAB, I definitely identify on the feminine side of the gender identity spectrum.  There are plenty of things I have done on my journey, including HRT, that have helped enormously.  It means I've been able to pretty much banish the bad old days of self-doubt, anger, and dysphoria.  I wouldn't want those days back, ever.  My journey is helping me arrive at a far more comfortable place than I could have imagined.   Keep in touch!  With best wishes,   Astrid
    • Shay
      @Lain first welcome. You have come to a place of wonder and understanding and women who will listen and provide advice based on facts and experience. I know that I won't look like I would love to look and being you are much younger you have a better chance to look closer to what you want but I remember the words the Jessica Lange character in the movie NORMAL from about 2003. Tom Wilkerson is her husband who is MTF and the least feminine body you can imagine. Jessica finally accepts him and helps him near the end in regard to dressing and make up. She says " you've got to use what you've been given and make it work for you." Just remember you are beautiful inside and outside and use what you have been given.love the you you are.
    • Willow
      Well church will be via Facebook only today.  When the weather is nice we gather outside but it’s raining off and on so that doesn’t work.  I had a new dress to wear too.   Willow 
    • Willow
      Good morning    I haven’t had much to add or felt like adding.  Sorry!   @KymmieLi think you got your answer or at least the next step.  Go for it!   @Emily michellesorry you got misgendered and got the bad news about your test.  I guess since you live in the land of ice and snow, you are going to have to start dressing for the weather.  I nice flew out of Detroit when it was -15 without the wind chill in short sleeves and a spring jacket.  Where I was going we weren’t supposed to take anything but summer uniforms.  No it didn’t bother me because I was used to it but the heat at my arrival sure did.  Good luck.   Willow
    • Billy
      Many thanks for your insights. It calms wlme down a little to read that finding you identy often also involves rediscovering your sexuality. At the moment, I am incredibly attracted to trans men, any of them, every single one I have met so far. No matter if they already look male or not yet. I really get rolled over by emotions. Sad part is, that I am not having these kinds of emotions for my wife.... 
    • Jackie C.
      OMG, I hadn't seen this one in the wild before! This is straight out of conspiracy theory territory. While I'm terrified, the psychology of Trump supporters and how it's developed since 2016 is really fascinating. Psychology is kind of a hobby for me. I wish I'd had the opportunity to study it more deeply,   Anyway, at least half of the democratic party are conservatives. Biden is a conservative. He would have been a Republican in the 80's, the same as Obama. There are something like twelve politicians in the democratic party that are actually progressive. The big ones get you "scary" YouTube ads with Halloween colors and dripping blood animations.   Finally, why do people use "socialism" like it's a bad word? Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security are all sodalist programs. People like those. Personally, I'm a democratic socialist. Socialism for needs, capitalism for wants. That lets everybody get what they need to live and still allows for the insane excesses of capitalism, just maybe tamped down a little bit. Also taxes. Why do people think taxes are a bad thing? Taxes are how we buy services in society. Taxes pay for the police, firefighters, roads, snow removal, the military, all those things we need to function. We're not a bunch of bearded (or leg-bearded for the ladies) pioneers scratching everything out of the dirt and making all our things with our own two hands anymore. We live in society. There's a buy-in if you want to participate.   So yeah, Biden isn't who I'd want for president. I'm settling because the other option is, in my opinion, infinitely worse. If you look at the situation, we've got two parties in the US. One is conservative, the other is openly fascist. That would be packing the courts, refusing to work with the other party, military against domestic targets, there's more but we'd be here all day. So yeah. I held my nose and voted for Biden. I'd rather not end up in a concentration camp. It's South and Central Americans right now and that needs to stop, but a central tenet in fascist governments is that there HAS to be an enemy to oppress. It's not going to stay "brown people" forever and this administration has already shown that it really doesn't like trans people. We're on the list.   For the inevitable "If you hate this country so much, why don't you leave it?" I'll say that it's hard to get accepted into another country and my health problems make it really difficult for anyplace you'd actually want to live. I think the real act of loving your country is doing what you can to change it into a place that isn't so terrible to live.   Well, that got heavy. Anyway. Vote if you haven't already.   Hugs! 
    • Billy
      Thank you all for your support and kind remarks.  I find it very difficult to go slow as life is pretty hard these days. And I want things to get better.  So today I asked my close friends and my brother to use a male name and male pronouns to me to see if it fits. They are very supportive. As I am currently away from home, I will also ask my wife if this is doable for her by email (no option to call).  This feels like the beginning of a marathon. I just hope to have enough hope and energy to get to the finish line. 
    • Noah A
      @DeeDee If you feel like it, maybe you can share a bit of your journey? How was it until you could identify as MtF? How your feelings evolved from questioning to now? How is your relationship with your body when you didn't question it before? Please just ignore those questions if they are not appropiate, and apologies if that is the case.
    • JillPilled
      Hi there Susan! Thank you, it means quite a bit to hear that about your shared experienced and insight as well that is quite substantial. Also for the incredibly warm welcome as well, I very much appreciate that too!   I completely feel you on at some point, having to bar out the individuals in your life that are contributing to negative-reception of your transition--in many ways, I feel the extent in which you tolerate their conflict with you at your core--the harder it can be to feel happiest about yourself. Through still trying to suit their goals or views about you rather than your own that are best for your well-being. It can be really tiring and in many instances not a rewarding commitment yes!   I've encountered that potential with many family members, so it's very relatable and I'm sorry for that happening to you. The difficulty sometimes that's posed in those decisions from those we think care for us/vice-versa, and see a complete and utter change around in this dynamic following transitioning, is way too immense I feel. Many individuals, be they within family or other circles who reject someone based on them revealing they can't handle what falls outside their own narrow perception rather than recognition/empathy for another person's true-identity/brain chemistry which makes up our inner selves and we were meant to be truly content in (others should accept this if they claim to be empathetic/'empaths' in this sense).   Also, there's something really hopeful about being joyful/unaffected by the cases you mentioned with the negative elements part of your family brought--to seek those more positive outlooks or developments as your focus, with 'lessons' guiding you along the path. Certainly too, 18 months is a massive milestone as well! I don't necessarily present in public as I should yet just a year in, I mostly keep to my room but that is certainly where I see an inspiring goal. Really meaningful post, that made my morning thanks! 😄   Same to you as well! And have a great start to the morning! -Jill    
    • Sally Stone
      Great news Tori.  Hugs to you and your wife.  
    • Sally Stone
      Lain, Jackie says it best.  Learn to love what you have.  Yes, it can be challenging, but we all have our beauty points even if many don't align with society's current view of what is beautiful.  For the longest time, I tried to compare my looks with what I saw in fashion magazines - nobody looks like that, so, I realized I should stop trying to compare myself to that unreasonable standard.  Now I focus on femininizing what I was given.  Yes it's harder, but in the end the effort bolsters my confidence and makes me feel just as authentic and just as beautiful as all those fashion models I wasted so much time trying to emulate.  
    • JillPilled
      Thank you for the post, Carolyn--you happened to strike quite true honestly. On a personal note, I've found guilt is way too insidious a demotivator in my life in the past--and still some inklings in the present. I've experienced this in the effect of it cascading from my some ways my mother raised me where it was against decorum, or somehow sinful to present something like my inner-fem self which was basically caged up for quite sometime. There's a really ratcheting and hurtful way in which guilt resultant from abuse or being raised is amplified to a lot of aspects of our lives. This extended to a lot of things including romantic or simply feelings of attraction or wanting to explore aspects of myself and it was, really, a miserable and trying time which I felt like all I could do was being stuck isolated and that'd be my life. It took quite a lot to realize the fullest extent of guilt holding me down/back as of many here, alone, not even speaking to those outside this community which necessitates realized change for them too! Please know to any of you struggling with this very concept that it's not exclusive, but really sadly mutual to many of us within the LGBTQIA+ community--and there's always those of us who know to talk it through or share with one another, resources freely available in discussion of this, mental-health professionals/counselors who want nothing more than to help. I've been going through it, and trying to come out the other side too--least in the capacity of still suffering from feeling as if the previous self I presented to many people I care about, was a deception on my part. It's hard to escape that, but I'm trying to retain more happiness that I know that I'm presenting a valid sense of self now. : D
    • Susan R
      Hello @JillPilled and welcome to our forum. What a well written introduction. Thank you for taking the time tonight to share this with us.   As most of us here, I’ve had some negative experiences after sharing my true identity honestly and openly. To be perfectly honest, I am still feeling the repercussions of a few negative experiences...some directly and some indirectly and in very subtle ways. In a general sense, I try not to focus too much on the negative because in reality, it has been an overwhelming positive experience and I refuse to let a few individuals or experiences change my direction or affect my overall happiness.   Some of those involved in this negativity are unfortunately family members which makes it much harder to ignore. I have accepted their frame of mind about my transition and try to be the best person I can be. I also try to surround myself with those who do accept me as I am.  I don’t try to find ways to change their mind...that is fruitless. The experiences are a different matter and I chalk those up to a learned lesson and avoid those potholes whenever possible.   It’s been 18 months since I’ve been out full time to the world at large. I have seen some positive changes over the last year in the attitudes and acceptance levels of these particularly negative individuals. As for these . They have likely noticed how much happier my wife and I are together and individually. They also see that their opinion of me has had no effect in my transition or direction of my path. They realize that my new persona isn’t as bad as they once thought or believed it would be. I think the main key is to focus on what you can control and focus on what is positive. That will usually be enough to carry you through any isolated negative experience along the way. Luckily, in time they seem to be fewer negatives on the journey.   Good luck with your transition. Hope to see you around.   Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
    • JillPilled
      To be honest, there's some abstract-parts to attraction as many here have been saying--I totally agree--you can find someone certainly who you still hold near and dear or are very much attracted to that may not align with what your atypical qualities you see as resonating with you attraction wise--perhaps due to how they flirt with you, meld with your persona, are intimate or close to you contact-wise or emotionally (regardless if they're masc, fem, androgynous, bigender). For me, before starting HRT a year back, before I was incredibly attracted to the same gender and was very much (what I thought) a lesbian at the time as I had virtually no underlying feelings for men (so I thought)--though progressively, I started to learn about aspects of men I found really quite attractive slightly prior to HRT then ON it that built consequent to it (I was bisexual perhaps, is what HRT was helping to realize). Mainly though, it manifested and focused on one man prior to HRT, who I was getting to know better and better, and eventually established a love for personally knowing DUE to these dimensions and more that I still can't quite place (though, he has a deeper-voice and HRT did help me realize, wow, I'm actually quite attracted to deeper-voices speaking with me)! My boyfriend. Strangely, with most other men I don't always feel the attraction to same masculine qualities comparative to knowing aspects of him--though certainly, some things can in-fact change with HRT, yes! I wouldn't go as far as to say it's a guarantee to change your sexual-preferences or what you see in your partner completely in all cases--I'm of the (of course personal view) that HRT in many aspects can add to your sexual-preferences or attractions in some instances!      I really hope that you find a way to surmount this, I know the feeling of inter-conflict with attraction and it really can be difficult and you're valid for wanting to meet that task and maybe discuss this with your partner--it's good to have dialogues about this and think it through, regardless. Holding out hope that pre and if you decide post-HRT, you will find more a peace or contentedness with what qualities you find attractive--alongside with your partner, and however you both end up feeling about it! Know things can go well for y'all. Hope you take care 😆  
    • JillPilled
      How's it going y'all? Hope everyone is doing well. I'm Jillian, a transwoman, 26, and mainly looking to discuss experiences here, and find a better way to network and get a wider breadth to really hear and talk about experiences in all the dimensions socially you can think of to participate in a community--particularly amidst the pandemic! COVID-19 displaced me from my ability to attend my in-person counseling for mental-health associated with feminizing, before I transferred into a separate online tele-health component that's been working efficiently with me for Planned Parenthood-- so this forum complimentary to that really seems from what I've been browsing just very early on to be essential :D!   Just to preface, I've known my identity for about 10 years now, and only recently without the past year began actualizing my transition (besides coming out to my dad/step mom about being trans-fem) with HRT/frequent blood tests and visits/later tele-health visits to my doctor. I live with my dad, step-mom, at the moment, and my father and mother are separated--there's a long-history there that is quite depressing that is way too much for an introduction, but long and short is it was a really strained and short-term (6 year-marriage) relationship. Unfortunately, and nothing looking back that I feel hatred for now but then it was largely unknown to me--but my mom has some issues with bipolar-depressive disorder which have been left unmedicated/treated for some time--likely over 20 years, close to my age. Additionally she holds some sharp views about gender, sexual orientation, and unfortunately even relationships concerning interracial couples (she's... quite bigoted honestly, and not one I would pick to be a representative of an actual good-person to my mind/Christian which she reinforced but held these practices which seemed contradictory and harsh views). Though, I'm agnostic so I'm not the best judge on that matter. Anyhow, currently, it bears noting I am also very much estranged from my mom, for those reasons since December 2014--and hence why I had to repress so much regarding my transition and depression while with her and facing abuse for not being sufficiently in the gender-category she wanted me to be--and saw me as lacking or 'a failure' in that part.  It was enough emotional-trauma/stress to not want to speak or see her ever again--alongside of trying to place me in Catholic related schools, institutions which personally I never felt content/happy with that decision made for me.   I was stuck in isolation in the middle of nowhere in central-Virginia for some time--I want to say 4-5 years, without a high-school curriculum (I was not enrolled, nor attended high-school... or was enrolled in any accredited outside course that could be considered academic--virtually stuck within our home with the resources I could find off the internet via an ancient laptop my dad was kind enough to buy me), and did not actually thrive in any capacity until managing to leave. And I'll just say I haven't found a way to fill a lot of the vacant parts of my brain wanting for explanation of that time in all the spheres, or let go of those really lonely times/experiences--stuck with being the only one to know who I actually was identity wise. Mainly, along the lines of 'why do I perceive myself as not right or unnatural when presenting myself in public' or putting on a personality that I KNOW is drastically more feminine and lovely in my view than this forced and fake male one that makes me feel as if I'm lying to everyone and me too. I see no meaning in it. Every time with relatives it was absolute pain--as with people I didn't know, and after quite some time I gave up on all that just within this past year.   Takes you a while to realize sometimes there's not a greater meaning to abuse or trauma in some contexts, and that just constantly me dwelling on it was ratcheting it into something way deeper and worsening my mental-state as I couldn't leave those times (PTSD). It's slow but realized change to reject there being a meaning to some cases, and to try to overcome with new ones/forget as best you can. Actually, funny enough, when I escaped that situation for the past 6-ish years it's been a massive hurdle to even tell someone trusted such as my dad/stepmom, as well as my boyfriend (while we were still just bestfriends) and a couple other good friends of mine that I'm trans--and while I had the answer it was something I held back for so long because of these prior experiences, and I did not too much besides academically 'catch up' during these times until I came out fully. Sure this is far more common than, once, my perception held towards thinking how entrapped, lonely that feeling was--rather, a kinda selfish thought of that surely no one else could know but that was DEFINITELY a case of 16-year old to 18 year old me thinking in a much younger and isolated lens, haha.   Are there any experiences recently that you feel like, personally, you've done well in creating for yourself or were positive in outlook--in the same capacity, perhaps, good ways to seek to move on from those that were negative to you--because I feel as if that's equally of valid or concerning in transitioning? Sorry, if that's a bit personal for just an intro., but! I do love talking with others about mental-health as well as identity, it can be nice to vent some about it to somebody--I've done more than my share to my boyfriend when he visits out of Toronto over here in Virginia, and over Discord calls we have together as of COVID. Love to meet and talk with y'all about yours, it's good to share or listen really in equal measure--I enjoy it a lot with all sorts of matters! Thank you so much for reading, and have a good day (I drafted this quite late, so not sure I will be up for a little while--night owl that I am but hope to catch up on other forum posts soon as well :>)
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