Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

coming out at a new job


Raven1981

Recommended Posts

Hello All:

 

So I am wanting to ask if anyone has any good ideas or know what I should do with coming out at work?  Currently I am on HRT and have not yet noticed any changes on me yet and I have been on HRT since January 2018.  I have recently started a new job and they have no idea about me being Trans and I know it is just a matter of time before I show signs.  Now my HR office is in Chicago IL so I really cannot just go into my HR office to ask them or discusses things with them.  I am also afraid to let my work know as to what happen to me at my last job how they were not Trans friendly and wanted to get rid of me but make it look on paper it's something else.

 

So I was wondering if there is any helpful tips or suggestion for me in my triangle?

 

Thank You

 

Amy

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

If there is a separate office in another state the company should have posted on their inter-web site any company policy and guideline for employees.  See what the HR policy says about discrimination in general and LGBT in specific.  

 

You could always email the HR to ask.  If you are leery of coming right out to them at this point you might take note of any job postings and ask what the LGBT policy is for a friend who is considering applying.  If you receive a negative response you have your answer.  If it's positive then make your plan to address it with them at your convenience.   

 

Best of luck, 

Jani

Link to comment

Yes, start with the documented policies. The "friend who's applying" is a great idea, too, Jani.

If it's a large enough company they may even list someone in a "diversity/inclusion" department or role that might be a good place to start, too. 

 

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Hello All:

 

So I am still thinking and wondering how to come out at my new job as Transgender.  I have first started going through the employee handbook to see if there is anything in the book that can help me out and to protect me and the only thing there is, is the standard EEO and how the company does not discriminate against sex or sexual orientation.  I know that I will need to come out to work before it is too noticeable since I am on HRT and have been on HRT for 4 months.  My physical appearance has not changed to where questions are being asked, even though I have seen my face start to soften and I have start to develop but can still hide it under my clothes with my sports bra.

 

I am very nervous to even come out to my new job since my last job, the VP of the company was uncomfortable and told my boss to find a way to get rid of me but not have it look like it's discrimination.  So that's why I have not come out to my new job yet even through I am on HRT.  I am just afraid that my new job will do what my last job did and to try to get rid of me.  But it will be a matter of time before I start to actually show since I have already been starting to act more female like with talking with my hands, I have been talking in a softer voice, my posture has been better.  So I do not know if my work has noticed that or not.

 

Lots of Love

 

Amy

Link to comment

 It's said that people who interact with you on a common basis would have a harder time identifying that you're transitioning. The changes just won't be so openly noticeable to them. I wasn't out to anyone other than who absolutely needed to know in the Army, and I reached 8 months without anyone ever saying, guessing anything. I think if you're worried about it too much then being able to blend in as if nothings happening could be easily accomplished. Of course, ymmv, so who knows exactly.

-Valyn

Link to comment

That rings quite true for me, Valyn. I've been on HRT for the last year and a half and no one at my workplace has ever said anything  that led me to believe they'd noticed. 

I certainly notice changes, but they're so gradual that I don't think they're readily apparent to my co-workers (other than the ones I've come out to!)

Hugs,
Julie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Amy while i thing Valyn and Julie may well be correct that you may be able to pass for some time i also remember how conflicted i felt prior to going full time.  i was afraid i would loose customers at the farm who by lumber, goats or maple syrup from us but i also needed to live as myself.  I remember the desire to run to the barn the first time a car came down the drive.  It was all i could do to walk out and sell a pint of syrup.  That was a kind of a turning point for me.  I learned to simply stand my ground and wonderfully i doubt we have lost any customers.  It took the long timers a while to get my name right but now 6 years later that's not an issue.

I think all you can do is speak to an employer at some point but i don't know the climate in your job situation.  I can say that it is a difficult but immensely freeing life to be one's self without hiding anymore.  It is your call in the end.

I will say that i understand both the need and the reluctance.  At one point a mod who is not longer here posted "i've got your back" and that somehow helped me.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Thank you all for your good advice.  I work with computers in a building that controls websites.  So I really do not deal with customers in person but only customers over email and live chats.  Where I work, there is only 3 of us and that's it.  The main company and HR is out of state in another state other than Arizona.  Regardless of my transition, I am good at what I do with computers and it will not impact customer service.  Infact, so far I have been able to bring in more customers which looks good.

 

So I am thinking on trying to be very general and email HR to see what is the policy on Transgender and LGBT.  Any ideas on how to send a very veag general email to HR?

 

Thank You

 

Amy

Link to comment

Amy, given the small size of your office, it might be easier to start feeling out the other people you work with rather than starting at HR. 

One resource to check out the company is HRC's Corporate Equality Index. For instance, the linked page specifically lists companies with at least one trans-inclusive healthcare plan:

 

https://www.hrc.org/resources/corporate-equality-index-list-of-businesses-with-transgender-inclusive-heal

 

Health care plans aren't a guarantee (for instance my employer has otherwise been great but has an exclusion for trans care in the health insurance).

 

It's very likely your employer cares more about your performance than your gender. The main thing I would be concerned with in your shoes is the other people who you actually work with. Carefully feeling them out would be prudent.

Link to comment

Hello Ravin:

 

Thank you very much.  I will do that with my co-wokers instead.  I have checked the list from the link you sent and the employer I work for is not on the list

 

Thank You

 

Amy

Link to comment

Ravin,  thank you for the list.  Interesting...  There are two on there that I've worked for that I'd have to say they had inclusive healthcare plans and lots of written policy supporting, but...  In practice they didn't walk the walk.  But it's a hard thing to implement in large(er) companies with many departments and divisions and locations. 

 

Amy,  best of luck and let us know how it's going. 

Link to comment

Hello All:

 

So I would like to let everyone know that I have started to come out to my work.  I have come out to my supervisor and fellow co-worker who support me and are there for me.  They even told me that the company is an Inclusive workplace.  My supervisor will keep it with just the 3 of us for know till I am comfortable and will help me out with coming out to HR to then come out to the rest of the company.  He did put me in contact with 3 current employees that are Trans and are transitioning.  So I know now that the company is supportive for Transgenders.

 

Lot's of Love

 

Amy

Link to comment

That's great, Amy! Congrats on taking that step. I'm so happy to hear that it's going well so far and that you're being supported!

Link to comment

Congratulations Amy! It's great to know that you are supported by the company you work for.

 

Hugs,

Brandi 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Great news.  Congratulations.

 

Jani

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

Hello All:

 

So I just want to share that I have started to come out at work as Trans.  Last night, I went in dressed as myself and felt so comfortable and even did my normal job duties and took care of everything.  Then my immediate manager came in this morning for his shift which he was ok with me and even said if I want to come in as myself I can.  Then my immediate manager addressed me as my preferred name and it made my day.  I am ready to go back to work again and do my job and want to go in again as myself.  My company is one of the few out there that supports Transgender individuals in the work place.

 

Lots of Love

 

Amy

Link to comment

That's lovely, Amy. I'm so happy for you! I'm picturing a Mary Tyler Moore hat toss. ?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Good News!  Its liberating isn't it?  Onward and upward.

 

Jani  

Link to comment

Hello All:

 

Thank you very much.  I went in again dressed as myself and my boss is addressing me correctly and I am ever so happy.  I love the company I work for and how comfortable I am.  I am finding myself being a lot more happier and productive.

 

Lots of Love

 

Amy

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 103 Guests (See full list)

    • Raelyn
    • SamC
    • rachel w
    • MaryEllen
    • April Marie
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,940
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Raelyn
    Newest Member
    Raelyn
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. **Angela Charlotte **
      **Angela Charlotte **
    2. Carlie
      Carlie
      (63 years old)
    3. Cbxshawn
      Cbxshawn
      (49 years old)
    4. HannahO
      HannahO
      (31 years old)
    5. JustKatie
      JustKatie
      (40 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ashley0616
      Wow that is a high number for Estradiol good grief! Testosterone levels are better than mine. I don't remember my Estradiol level but testosterone was 80. To me that is really high but it was in the two hundreds the check in before last one. 
    • Ivy
      I don't understand why this would make a difference being a "dad" I mean, as far as how they would grow.
    • Ashley0616
      I don't see why not. I have worn forms since I came out. 
    • MaeBe
      I have never worn breastforms, but I assume as long as they don't aggravate your nipples you could.
    • MaeBe
      Every week I've been excited to take my shot, so it's never been an issue. Yesterday, however, I woke up and started my usual "slow roll" and then suddenly realized I had breakfast plans that I had to rush out the door for. After, it was straight into work calls, and then I got the notification from the doctor about things being too high and all the while my mind had completely slipped that I needed take my shot.   Given that I am not asking for medical advice, but sharing my journey, I will note my results: Estradiol at 447 pg/mL and Testosterone was 23 ng/dL, up and down from 26 pg/mL and 526 ng/dL respectively before treatment. Almost flipped the bit! The doc would like my Estradiol closer to 300 pg/mL, so we'll see what Monday's tests state.   Oh, and I teased the dinner with old soccer teammates and never updated the thread! It went well. There were a couple funny moments. One guy, who I was worried about their response, greeted me with "Hey, you've lost some weight!" 😎 And a friend who lives near me picked me up on the way to dinner exclaimed, after we learned one of the invitees might show up with a date, "Wait! We could have brought women?!" To which I instantly responded, "You kind of did, bringing me!" Everyone got a good laugh out of that. 😁
    • Ashley0616
      To me there isn't that much difference other the measurement, which side the zipper is on and men's pants have bigger pockets. 
    • missyjo
      I hope this is not stupid question..I have yet to start n not sure if doc will approve..but once you start growing buds n such, can you still wear forms to get to the size you were?   I'm a dad, so when I start blossoms they will be smaller for a long time n probably need surgical augmented..that's fine. I don't want to go ddd to aa to ddd..   any ideas?   thank you
    • missyjo
      April sounds fun..I keep some boy jeans to visit mom in..fir now   hugs
    • Ivy
      I like them too.  We had them growing up.  But my father's family were Swedes.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Oh my!  I guess it just goes to show how different tastes can be. Since we don't live near the ocean, Seafood is a rare luxury. We absolutely love pickled herring! Especially my husband and my GF, I guess it's a Ferman/Russian cultural thing.  But most of the kids like it too, and a jar wouldn't last in the pantry for long 😆
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I think the key to that is just not minding eating the same thing repeatedly. Since we produce a lot of our own food here, we end up eating what is in season at the moment. So, when the yellow squash is ripening, we end up fixing squash 20 different ways. When the strawberries are ready, we eat lots of strawberries. It's kind of a different mindset to eat in season when it has become such a part of American culture but the grocery store has everything we want all the time. Like grapes in December.  My family does even things out a little bit by having a greenhouse so we have some fresh things in the winter, but it's not a 100% fix.
    • KathyLauren
      My brothers and I had to eat what was on the plate.  All of it, and nothing else.  Pickiness was not tolerated.  Some of our least favourite were liver and onions, sauerkraut, and especially rollmops (pickled herring).  We finally protested enough to persuade our mother not to serve rollmops, though she kept a jar in the pantry for years afterwards, as a threat if we didn't behave.
    • Carolyn Marie
      I'll go first.  My favorite team is the Yankees.  Loved them since I was a kid.  I was born in NYC so, yeah.  I know everyone loves to hate them, and that's OK.  I just love baseball in general.  It's a game of traditions, strategy, power, grace and skill.   Play Ball!!  ⚾   Carolyn Marie
    • Ashley0616
      I guess you do have a good point. It's just hard to try and not have the same meals over and over again. 
    • Willow
      Hi   I’ll weigh in on being picky about food.  Yes, and I was brought up that way.  We didn’t have to eat everything our parents ate.  They had a number of things they ate that they figured we wouldn’t eat, an acquired taste things or one or the other didn’t like them too.   even as an adult there are many things I won’t eat.  In my defense, there are different things my wife won’t eat.   the weird thing is that after being in E, my tastes have changed.  Sweet, sour, salty or bland, if I eat or drink too much of any one thing and I have to counter act it.   Willow
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...