Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

coming out at a new job


Raven1981

Recommended Posts

Hello All:

 

So I am wanting to ask if anyone has any good ideas or know what I should do with coming out at work?  Currently I am on HRT and have not yet noticed any changes on me yet and I have been on HRT since January 2018.  I have recently started a new job and they have no idea about me being Trans and I know it is just a matter of time before I show signs.  Now my HR office is in Chicago IL so I really cannot just go into my HR office to ask them or discusses things with them.  I am also afraid to let my work know as to what happen to me at my last job how they were not Trans friendly and wanted to get rid of me but make it look on paper it's something else.

 

So I was wondering if there is any helpful tips or suggestion for me in my triangle?

 

Thank You

 

Amy

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

If there is a separate office in another state the company should have posted on their inter-web site any company policy and guideline for employees.  See what the HR policy says about discrimination in general and LGBT in specific.  

 

You could always email the HR to ask.  If you are leery of coming right out to them at this point you might take note of any job postings and ask what the LGBT policy is for a friend who is considering applying.  If you receive a negative response you have your answer.  If it's positive then make your plan to address it with them at your convenience.   

 

Best of luck, 

Jani

Link to comment

Yes, start with the documented policies. The "friend who's applying" is a great idea, too, Jani.

If it's a large enough company they may even list someone in a "diversity/inclusion" department or role that might be a good place to start, too. 

 

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Hello All:

 

So I am still thinking and wondering how to come out at my new job as Transgender.  I have first started going through the employee handbook to see if there is anything in the book that can help me out and to protect me and the only thing there is, is the standard EEO and how the company does not discriminate against sex or sexual orientation.  I know that I will need to come out to work before it is too noticeable since I am on HRT and have been on HRT for 4 months.  My physical appearance has not changed to where questions are being asked, even though I have seen my face start to soften and I have start to develop but can still hide it under my clothes with my sports bra.

 

I am very nervous to even come out to my new job since my last job, the VP of the company was uncomfortable and told my boss to find a way to get rid of me but not have it look like it's discrimination.  So that's why I have not come out to my new job yet even through I am on HRT.  I am just afraid that my new job will do what my last job did and to try to get rid of me.  But it will be a matter of time before I start to actually show since I have already been starting to act more female like with talking with my hands, I have been talking in a softer voice, my posture has been better.  So I do not know if my work has noticed that or not.

 

Lots of Love

 

Amy

Link to comment

 It's said that people who interact with you on a common basis would have a harder time identifying that you're transitioning. The changes just won't be so openly noticeable to them. I wasn't out to anyone other than who absolutely needed to know in the Army, and I reached 8 months without anyone ever saying, guessing anything. I think if you're worried about it too much then being able to blend in as if nothings happening could be easily accomplished. Of course, ymmv, so who knows exactly.

-Valyn

Link to comment

That rings quite true for me, Valyn. I've been on HRT for the last year and a half and no one at my workplace has ever said anything  that led me to believe they'd noticed. 

I certainly notice changes, but they're so gradual that I don't think they're readily apparent to my co-workers (other than the ones I've come out to!)

Hugs,
Julie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Amy while i thing Valyn and Julie may well be correct that you may be able to pass for some time i also remember how conflicted i felt prior to going full time.  i was afraid i would loose customers at the farm who by lumber, goats or maple syrup from us but i also needed to live as myself.  I remember the desire to run to the barn the first time a car came down the drive.  It was all i could do to walk out and sell a pint of syrup.  That was a kind of a turning point for me.  I learned to simply stand my ground and wonderfully i doubt we have lost any customers.  It took the long timers a while to get my name right but now 6 years later that's not an issue.

I think all you can do is speak to an employer at some point but i don't know the climate in your job situation.  I can say that it is a difficult but immensely freeing life to be one's self without hiding anymore.  It is your call in the end.

I will say that i understand both the need and the reluctance.  At one point a mod who is not longer here posted "i've got your back" and that somehow helped me.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Thank you all for your good advice.  I work with computers in a building that controls websites.  So I really do not deal with customers in person but only customers over email and live chats.  Where I work, there is only 3 of us and that's it.  The main company and HR is out of state in another state other than Arizona.  Regardless of my transition, I am good at what I do with computers and it will not impact customer service.  Infact, so far I have been able to bring in more customers which looks good.

 

So I am thinking on trying to be very general and email HR to see what is the policy on Transgender and LGBT.  Any ideas on how to send a very veag general email to HR?

 

Thank You

 

Amy

Link to comment

Amy, given the small size of your office, it might be easier to start feeling out the other people you work with rather than starting at HR. 

One resource to check out the company is HRC's Corporate Equality Index. For instance, the linked page specifically lists companies with at least one trans-inclusive healthcare plan:

 

https://www.hrc.org/resources/corporate-equality-index-list-of-businesses-with-transgender-inclusive-heal

 

Health care plans aren't a guarantee (for instance my employer has otherwise been great but has an exclusion for trans care in the health insurance).

 

It's very likely your employer cares more about your performance than your gender. The main thing I would be concerned with in your shoes is the other people who you actually work with. Carefully feeling them out would be prudent.

Link to comment

Hello Ravin:

 

Thank you very much.  I will do that with my co-wokers instead.  I have checked the list from the link you sent and the employer I work for is not on the list

 

Thank You

 

Amy

Link to comment

Ravin,  thank you for the list.  Interesting...  There are two on there that I've worked for that I'd have to say they had inclusive healthcare plans and lots of written policy supporting, but...  In practice they didn't walk the walk.  But it's a hard thing to implement in large(er) companies with many departments and divisions and locations. 

 

Amy,  best of luck and let us know how it's going. 

Link to comment

Hello All:

 

So I would like to let everyone know that I have started to come out to my work.  I have come out to my supervisor and fellow co-worker who support me and are there for me.  They even told me that the company is an Inclusive workplace.  My supervisor will keep it with just the 3 of us for know till I am comfortable and will help me out with coming out to HR to then come out to the rest of the company.  He did put me in contact with 3 current employees that are Trans and are transitioning.  So I know now that the company is supportive for Transgenders.

 

Lot's of Love

 

Amy

Link to comment

That's great, Amy! Congrats on taking that step. I'm so happy to hear that it's going well so far and that you're being supported!

Link to comment

Congratulations Amy! It's great to know that you are supported by the company you work for.

 

Hugs,

Brandi 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Great news.  Congratulations.

 

Jani

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

Hello All:

 

So I just want to share that I have started to come out at work as Trans.  Last night, I went in dressed as myself and felt so comfortable and even did my normal job duties and took care of everything.  Then my immediate manager came in this morning for his shift which he was ok with me and even said if I want to come in as myself I can.  Then my immediate manager addressed me as my preferred name and it made my day.  I am ready to go back to work again and do my job and want to go in again as myself.  My company is one of the few out there that supports Transgender individuals in the work place.

 

Lots of Love

 

Amy

Link to comment

That's lovely, Amy. I'm so happy for you! I'm picturing a Mary Tyler Moore hat toss. ?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Good News!  Its liberating isn't it?  Onward and upward.

 

Jani  

Link to comment

Hello All:

 

Thank you very much.  I went in again dressed as myself and my boss is addressing me correctly and I am ever so happy.  I love the company I work for and how comfortable I am.  I am finding myself being a lot more happier and productive.

 

Lots of Love

 

Amy

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 118 Guests (See full list)

    • VickySGV
    • awkward-yet-sweet
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      768.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,020
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Tami
    Newest Member
    Tami
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bebhar
      Bebhar
      (41 years old)
    2. caelensmom
      caelensmom
      (40 years old)
    3. Jani
      Jani
      (70 years old)
    4. Jessicapitts
      Jessicapitts
      (37 years old)
    5. klb046
      klb046
      (30 years old)
  • Posts

    • VickySGV
      We have had some real dillies come out as the initiative sort of thing, but as @Carolyn Marie said, very few make it out of the petition signing seasons.  I am not surprised at the origin site of this thing, it is probably one of only 3 regressive leaning counties we have in the state. We actually had one of these initiatives started to make it mandatory for police to shoot dead on site any Gay behaving individuals wherever they found them.  For the most part the matters are poorly written in ways to be unenforceable even if enacted.  Thus most never become law or get to the voters.
    • Carolyn Marie
      You make some good points, AYS.  But there are usually already too many ballot propositions each election, so the proponents know it's best to wrap it all up into a nice package.  Plus, it's easier for the signature gatherers.  Otherwise they have to have a separate clipboard for each proposition.  Too much paperwork, dontcha know?   This kind of proposition is a loser in CA, so the only possible way the proponents can succeed is to give it the scariest title imaginable and try to put one over on the voters before they get wise.  Bottom line; an ice cube on a hot summer sidewalk has a better chance of success.   Carolyn Marie
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Reading that article, it seems like the attorney general gets to call it whatever unless its an outright lie.  Given the nature of politics in CA, it seems like one side has the bully pulpit for sure.  Labeling it "Restricts Rights" vs "Protects Kids" is very much a matter of perspective.  Unfortunately, that matters since many voters don't bother to read.  Perhaps a better (unbiased) way to handle it would be to simply give the ballot measure a number with no title, forcing folks to read it.    I think it would have been better to handle the various issues covered by the ballot measure separately, rather than all at once.  For example, issues relating to disclosure of medical and social information to parents.  That could be its own ballot measure, rather than lumped in with everything else.  Besides, shorter and more succinct measures are more likely to be read completely. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://calmatters.org/education/k-12-education/2024/04/trans-youth/     Yup, the existing title sound perfectly appropriate and accurate to me, too.   Carolyn Marie
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Seen my hrt specialist this morning and nothing but good news,estrogen levels looked good.Boyfriend was with me and I admit he has been learning well about my transition showing his support.Our relationship is going great and we both see each other much happier now.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      This reminded me of an individual who, due to child sexual abuse, lived as a woman for 15 years, detransitioned and noisily insists that all trans people have his story.  His name comes up fairly often because it fits the narrative.   I don't know that anyone actually has been railroaded.  People may say it, they may look back at what happened and decide that happened.  It's a he said / she said, but it feeds a narrative that is useful for those who are already convinced that trans people are abuse victims first and foremost.  That the detransition rate is so low tells me that railroading is not actually a problem, and I regret giving the impression that I thought it was.  That so few detransition is a success story.   What is pertitent at heart is that people hear and believe all the stories out there, and the story we have to tell is not heard, because TG folk are, after all, untrustworthy in their view and unworthy of an audience.  Somehow it needs to get out there as to what the real situation is. 
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      I'm not saying that Christianity is wrong but at the same time there were more than 30,000 changes to it. The Bible doesn't state anything against transgender. The only point that can be proven by them is that people are giving into their desire. 1 John 2:15-17 ESV "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever." I would love to challenge them by asking who watches a movie, reads books, and listens to music that isn't Christian based because then they would be guilty as well. 1 Corinthians 10:31 ESV "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Probably not a single hand would still stand that they don't participate in everything they do gives glory to God. "
    • VickySGV
      My neighboring state got lucky a couple years ago. 
    • VickySGV
      https://www.wpath.org/soc8   I had been looking for this to respond to a member and could not find it .  Pinning it for now.
    • VickySGV
      @Abigail GenevieveSomewhere in the Forums here, we have a link to the World Professional Association for Transgender Health's Standards Of Care, now at revision 8 but it is available in plenty of places.   https://www.wpath.org/soc8.    These are the canons for the allied medical fields that deal with Trans people and are the guidance for those professionals.  I personally know members of the Association and have toyed with the idea of becoming an associate member since I am not a medical professional but because I like to keep on top of what is going on medically.  There are a number of Trans people who think they are overly oppressive as far as the gatekeeping goes, but the medical / psychological profession members who follow these guidelines for there patients WILL NOT be forcing their patients into unneeded or harmful surgery or medications.  I read my first pitiful and heart-rending  "detransitioning" story 60 years ago when I snuck a tabloid newspaper behind a comic book down at the neighborhood convenience store when I was 16 years old and reading it off the rack which should have been adult only.  I am afraid that it was the first thing I ever read that told me about Trans and Transsexual people, it would be another 30 years before I actually figured out my own story.  The story I later found out, was NOT written by a Trans person, but a well known Porn scribbler who wrote many fantastic and gory stories about what he thought Trans people were.  We are not anything like his imagination, but he was a "press agent" for Trans people of the time.  We do have some well known and noisy, negative view Detransitioners who have been found to have gone to multiple psychologists and lied their way Transitioning, one of the most infamous actually hid Dissociative Identity Disorder, right therapist wrong Identity that was being counseled.  It is a messy story.  The public, like my first encounter, was NOT getting their information from the scientific journals of the time, they were getting it from Adult Entertainment and Tabloids   We need to be careful of where we get some of our ideas from. Evidence is good that the person at the heart of this thread gets most of his information from us from the slanted and non-scientific sources most people get theirs.   OOPs, I( may have sent this off track here, but but but.    
    • Ivy
    • Ashley0616
      Yet another failed attempt. Glad to know that we are more important than education or health care to them.
    • Mmindy
      I agree with you.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Well said, and I agree @VickySGV   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...